C.O.P.S.

[repeated line]

Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess:
It's crime-fighting time!

Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess:
[opening narration] C.O.P.S.: Central Organisation of Police Specialists. Fighting crime in a future time. Protecting Empire City from Big Boss and his gang of crooks.

Sgt. P.J. 'Longarm' O'Malley:
[in a building being flown over Empire City] Now I've seen everything!

Sgt. P.J. 'Longarm' O'Malley:
[looks up and sees the Ultimate Crime Machine] Let me change that. *Now* I've seen everything!

Officer Donny 'Hardtop' Brooks:
[at a high-class function] Something's fishy around here, Chief. And it's not the caviar.

[repeated line]

Officer Tina 'Mainframe' Cassidy:
Freeze! We're cops, and you're under arrest!

[repeated line]

Various Bad Guys:
Freeze! We're crooks, and this is a stick-up!

Rock Crusher:
I got the combination to open every bank vault in Empire City: me and my jackhammer!

Berserko:
[using a grappling hook to pull off a heist] Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Crook. Stealing's a cinch with this new hook!

[repeated line]

Turbo Tu-Tone:
Crime's a-wasting!

Turbo Tu-Tone:
You got any change?

Berserko:
Yeah, plenty. I just held up a gum machine!

Turbo Tu-Tone:
[after Rock Crusher crashes through the roof of his van] Ever consider using the door, jerk?

[repeated line]

Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess:
Here's how the caper came down.

Rafaella 'Nightshade' Diamond:
[to Mace] Kiss me, you dumb cop!

Buttons McBoomBoom:
What? You never heard of Iceberg lettuce?

Rock Crusher:
Oh, really? I didn't know you can grow that stuff on an iceberg!

Buttons McBoomBoom:
[after robbing a bank] Make sure the reporters spell my name right! It's McBoomBoom. That's one 'Mc' and two Booms.

Rafaella 'Nightshade' Diamond:
[mocking BIg Boss] I want this, I want that! Someday I'm gonna tell Big Boss off!

Rex 'Bowzer' Pointer:
[referring to his cyborg dog, Blitz] But there's nothing wrong with having a computer as man's best friend!

Dr. Badvibes:
I'm innocent! I just got stuck in the mall after closing time!

Rex 'Bowzer' Pointer:
Tell it to the judge!

Dr. Badvibes:
Good work, Buzzbomb! Today you've earned your steel wool cupcakes!

David E. 'Highway' Harlson:
[after handcuffing Ms. Demeanor to a parking meter] Remember to put some change in the meter, Ms. Demeanor.

Dr. Badvibes:
If you want wrong-doing done right, you have to do it yourself!

Dr. Badvibes:
Even I keep a promise sometimes.

Brandon 'Big Boss' Babel:
It's hard to find good crooks these days.

Brandon 'Big Boss' Babel:
[Berserko has been arrested] My Cheddar-brained nephew might be a nincompoop, but it makes me look bad if one of my crooks gets caught!

Walker 'Sundown' Calhoun:
[tryin g on a speed suit] Oo wee! That thing's plumb too small! I'm sorry but we humans grow big down in Texas

Berserko:
[after stealing some tuxedoes] We'll be the best-dressed crooks in Empire City!

Whitney Morgan:
You're Baldwin P. Vess, leader of C.O.P.S. Codename: Bulletproof!

Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess:
You're very well informed, young lady.

Whitney Morgan:
I'm a reporter. I have my sources.

Whitney Morgan:
I hope you don't think I'm a pest, but how about an exclusive interview?

Berserko:
One more crack outta you, lady, and I'll give you an exclusive knuckle sandwich!

Officer Donny 'Hardtop' Brooks:
[Crusher is disguised as a waiter] Maybe you didn't understand. The lady wants to know what you're serving.

Rock Crusher:
Me? I ain't servin' nothin'! I'm out on parole, see?

Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess:
[narration over closing credits] C.O.P.S role call: Highway. Mainframe. Longarm. Bowzer and Blitz. Sundown. Hardtop. Mirage. Bullseye. Mace. Barricade, and they call me Bulletproof. These are Empire City's most wanted crooks: Berserko. Rock Crusher. Ms. Demeanor. Turbo Tu-Tone. Dr. Badvibes. Nightshade. Use caution in apprehending.

Ms. Demeanor:
[dropping gold bars onto Highway] Pennies from Heaven!

Sgt. Colt 'Mace' Howard:
A machine can hand out candy bars, but it sure can't give you justice!

Stan 'Barricade' Hide:
Hey, Uncle Buttons! I've got a present for you!

Hugh S. 'Bullseye' Forward:
[spotting the Ultimate Crime Machine on radar] Now that's what I call a serious bogey!

Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess:
[referring to one C.O.P.S. file] The most chaotic caper of our career.

Hugh S. 'Bullseye' Forward:
Big job for our first one? Think we can handle it?

Suzy 'Mirage' Young:
We're C.O.P.S. aren't we? We can handle it.

Sgt. P.J. 'Longarm' O'Malley:
What about you, B.P.? What's your codename going to be?

Hugh S. 'Bullseye' Forward:
Yeah. What's B.P. stand for anyway?

Sgt. P.J. 'Longarm' O'Malley:
I don't know what it used to stand for, but from now on, I'd say it stands for Bulletproof!

Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess:
Then that's my codename from now on. You all performed splendidly today. I'm proud of you. But as you know, Big Boss and the others got away. And they'll be back. There are many more battles to be fought. But together, one day I promise you, we're going to put the Big Boss behind bars!

Sgt. P.J. 'Longarm' O'Malley:
Heyt! What are you rookies doing here! Vess told you to stay put!

Officer Donny 'Hardtop' Brooks:
And miss all the fun?

Hugh S. 'Bullseye' Forward:
[after crash landing the Ultimate Crime Machine in the C.O.P.S. parking lot] Gee, good thing there was a free parking space!

Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess:
[silence]

Hugh S. 'Bullseye' Forward:
No sense of humour.

Agent Baldwin P. 'Bulletproof' Vess:
[at the end of each episode] Case closed.

Stan 'Barricade' Hide:
There's always a non-violent alternative to resolve conflict.

Ms. Demeanor:
If you're Captain Crimefighter, then I'm Colonel Crime!