Cabin Fever

Karen:
Bert, what the hell is that?

Bert:
Huh? Oh, I'm gonna go shoot some squirrels.

Paul:
Why would you wanna kill squirrels?

Bert:
'cause they're gay.

Karen:
Bert, don't be a f***ing retard.

Bert:
I'm kidding. I don't care if they're gay or straight, I'll kill 'em either way.

Bert:
God damn it! What pancakes, you f***?

Karen:
That guy asked for our help. We lit him on fire. You'll understand if I'm not in a particularly social mood.

Paul:
So, what's the fox urine for?

Old Man Cadwell:
Oh that's for foxes.

Karen:
What's the rifle for?

Old Man Cadwell:
That's for n*ggers.

Tommy:
Boy, you wanna give me one good reason why you would steal a snickers bar.

Bert:
The nougat?

Justin:
Yeah, he's a professor... OF BEING A DOG! OOOH, FACED!... Scratch moded!

Jeff:
Tell them about The Happy Bald Guy.

Karen:
No, I can't take it

Paul:
He was the guy that gave us our shoes and quarters for the video games. There was a room with a pool table too, but my dad wouldn't let us go back there. The bald guy was always happy, always smiling. But the killer got him too. When the cops searched the place, they found all the hacked off limbs at the end of the bowling lanes. The guy had bowled people's organs. Arms, legs, everything. They found the bald guy's head in the ball return. He was still smiling.

Marcy:
That's not funny, Bert.

Bert:
Yes it is, you f***in slut.

Jeff:
I don't want any of us getting sick, but you two f***in' f***ers insist on touching her, now she's bleeding all over both you guys! So you two can f***in rot, but not me, no f***in way not me!

Dennis:
Pancakes. Pancakes!

Bert:
No pancakes.

Dennis:
PANCAKES!

Bert:
No pancakes!

Old Man Cadwell:
Hi, my nigga, how are you?

Ray Shawn:
What's up, nigga? What you doin? Where ya been, man, where ya been?

Bert:
Goodnight, f***er.

Paul:
Hey, where are you going?

Karen:
Where does it look like I'm going?

Paul:
But, well, I thought we were kissing.

Karen:
Yeah, we were, weren't we?

Paul:
So... you like me now? Like, is this a date?

Karen:
Don't be gay.

Tommy:
Look, you being sick, that's your problem. Now Dennis is sick, that's my problem. And if I get sick, then that's a serious problem. We've gotta stop the problem! We have to stop the problem right now!

Jeff:
Hey, dipshit, what the f***?

Bert:
What are you, f***in' Smokey the Clown now?

Jeff:
Don't you mean 'Smokey the Bear?'

The Hermit:
Hey, boy. Hey, boy. Hey, boy. Unn? C'mon, boy. Hey. Hey. Hey, fella.

Old Man Cadwell:
Ah... word.

Paul:
Bert, you okay? You don't look so hot.

Bert:
Yeah, well, I don't feel so hot either.

'Bert has just been caught shoplifting by Tommy, the gruff shopkeeper.

Tommy:
Boy, you want to give me one good reason why you would steal a Snickers bar?

Bert:
The nougat?

Karen and Paul are laying alone together on a raft on a lake

Karen:
When you've known someone a long time, you just want to kiss them just to see if they're a good kisser. There's nothing wrong with that, right?

Out of the five students, two have begun bleeding from the deadly disease, and one seems close to death. Bert has driven off alone to find help but has become ill himself. Marcy's boyfriend, Jeff, has just abandoned her to quarantine himself alone in the forest, taking the beer with him. Marcy and Paul are now the only two people left in the cabin who have not yet shown signs of being ill.

Marcy:
We're all going to get it. We're all going to get sick and Jeff's off in the woods getting drunk!

Paul:
Bert's going to get help. Karen will be fine, I promise.

Marcy:
It's like being on a plane when you know it's going to crash. Everybody around you is screaming and yelling, "We're going down! We're going down!" And all you really want to do is grab the person next to you and f*** the sh*t out of them, because you know you're going to be dead soon, anyway.

Marcy looks over at Paul (who is sitting right beside her) suggestively. A few minutes later, both Paul and Marcy are naked. Marcy throws Paul down on to the bed forcefully and begins to ride him.

Paul:
You don't use condoms?

Marcy:
Don't worry, I'm healthy.

A stranger has just emerged from the woods with a dog that's barking threateningly

Karen:
Wait... Is your dog friendly?

While washing her face in the bathroom, Marcy discovers a suspicious pair of sores on her back where Paul had been grabbing her when they had sex.

Marcy:
Jesus, Paul, you really did a number on my back!

For no discernable reason, mentally handicapped Dennis suddenly begins to shout at Bert

Dennis :
(yelling) Pancakes! PANCAKES! PANCAKES!

Bert:
No, No Pancakes!

Dennis:
PANCAKES!!!

Bert:
No Pancakes!

Dennis suddenly begins doing a bizarre set of martial arts kicks

Winston:
You know what it's like when you go to a new town, and you're the new guy? All the girls see you walking down the street. They don't know you've got five pounds of ding-a-ling meat. They're looking for no commitment. You understand what I'm saying? I've heard that theory before. This is that town!

Paul:
Jeff! Jeff, it's the water! Wherever you are, don't drink the water!

After her boyfriend suddenly abandons her, fearing she may have caught the disease, and runs off in to the forrest alone.

Marcy:
A**HOLE!

The visiting out-of-town college students have just found a jar of fox piss on the shelves of eccentric Old Man Cadwell's shop.

Old Man Cadwell:
Oh Lord, don't drop that! If you do, that's powerful stuff! All the foxes around would come down here, you'd have friends like you'd never had before.