Can't Buy Me Love

Chuckie Miller:
Cards with the tards. Who could beat a night of cards, chips, dips and dorks?

Ronald Miller:
I'm going to a party. John Richmond's, with Cindi Mancini.

Chuckie Miller:
Cindi Mancini? Senior, captain of the cheerleaders, most beautiful girl in the history of this county?

Ronald Miller:
That's her. Well, I'm late, gotta bolt.

Chuckie Miller:
Bolt? Something stinks in suburbia.

Ronald Miller:
I need to talk to you. Every time I call you're either taking a bath, washing your hair or you're out of the country. That was a good one, by the way.

Patty:
I mean, he went from totally geek, to totally chic!

Patty:
Didn't you like, used to mow our lawn?

Ronald Miller:
Yes, and you have the nicest pair of rhododendrons in town!

Patty:
Rhodo-who's?

Cindy Mancini:
Guys, I'll see you in home ec, OK?

Barbara:
What did he say?

Patty:
I don't care! Dig on his shirt...

Patty:
Didn't you like, used to mow our lawn?

Ronald Miller:
Yes, and you have the nicest pair of rhododendrons in town!

Patty:
Rhodo-who's?

Cindy Mancini:
Guys, I'll meet you at home.

Barbara:
What did he say?

Patty:
I don't care! I dig his shirt...

Patty:
Like we're not supposed to know he's SPYING on us in his SPAZ-mobile.

Ronald Miller:
Nerds, jocks. My side, your side. It's all bullshit. Its hard enough just trying to be yourself.

Ronald Miller:
What's his name, Biff?

Cindy Mancini:
Don't give me that! His name happens to be... Brett!

Ronald Miller:
Is there a difference?

Cindy Mancini:
Guys, take a look at forehead... do you see a sign that says information?

Cindy Mancini:
Iris? Oh yeah, she's a big conquest. She's given more rides than Greyhound!

Patty:
Are you into long distance relationships?

Ronald Miller:
No.

Patty:
Now, then why don't you reach out and touch someone?

Barbara:
Why wouldn't we go out with Ronald. I mean he's cute and sweet...

Patty:
And good...

Patty:
Come on, a lady never talks.

Cindy Mancini:
Well I'll have to remember that the next time I see one.

Ronald Miller:
You can do anything you want, anything you put your heart and mind into!

Cindy Mancini:
Whatever happens to your popularity, stay yourself, don't change to please others.

Ronald Miller:
Me change? Never.

Quint:
Quinton is in! Let the fun begin!

Ronald Miller:
You ignored the Donald Miller geek for seventeen years, now you want to ride the Ronnie Miller express!

Ronald Miller:
Here is the primate example. You raise a doll-chopping homicidal maniac, and what do you do every time you see him? You give him money. Great!

Chuckie Miller:
Chillin!

Rons Dad:
Shut up, Chuck!

Chuckie Miller:
I was talking to Ma!

Rons Mom:
Shut up, Chuck!

Cindy Mancini:
The moon looks different now, it's not as mysterious or romantic as before.

Ronald Miller:
I'm sorry I ruined it for you.

Cindy Mancini:
You didn't ruin it, you just changed it I guess.

Patty:
Cool outfit!

Barbara:
What a severe suede!

Cindy Mancini:
You guys, it's no big deal. Bobby sent it to me from Iowa. You know they have fine leathers down there.

Patty:
Oh, yeah. The best leathers come from Rome, Paris, and Des Moines!

Chuckie Miller:
Chillin'!

Ronald's Dad:
Shut up, Chuck!

Chuckie Miller:
I was talking to Ma!

Ronald's Mom:
Shut up, Chuck!

Chuckie Miller:
You nuked my brother.

Cindy Mancini:
What?

Chuckie Miller:
You took him from "geek" status to "king" status to no status.

Cindy Mancini:
Chuckie Miller, right? He resorted to sending his messenger boy?

Chuckie Miller:
Boy? I see no boy here.

[Cindy puts powder on his face]

Chuckie Miller:
You think you shut me up?

Cindy Mancini:
I didn't? Well, let me try again.

[attempts to put lipstick on Chuckie, who leaves]

Chuckie Miller:
[to his friends] Babe said it was good for my complexion.

Ronald Miller:
What happened to us? We were all friends in elementary.

Kenneth Wurman:
That's because we were all forced to be in the same room together. But, hey, junior high, high school. Forget it. Jocks became jocks. Cheerleaders became cheerleaders. We became us. I like us.

Ronald Miller:
Cools, nerds. Your side, my side. Man, it's all bullshit. It's just tough enough to be yourself.

Cindy Mancini:
[to Ronald] Popularity isn't perfect. I mean, it almost feels like a job sometimes. Do you remember that suede outfit? Yeah, well that was me trying to fit in. I have to work at it, so does everyone else.

Kenneth:
[to Ronald] You sh*t on my house!

Jock:
Look - it's a nerd herd!

Cindy Mancini:
Are you high?

Ronald Miller:
I want to rent you.

Cindy Mancini:
You want to rent me?

Ronald Miller:
Yeah. You pretend you like me and we go out for a few weeks... and that will make me popular.

Cindy Mancini:
Just going out with me is not gonna make you popular.

Ronald Miller:
Well I have a thousand dollars that says it will.

Cindy Mancini:
I think you've mowed one too many lawns!

Quint:
Oh, Return of the Living Dread.

Ronald Miller:
[walks over with a bat] Why don't you lay off?

Quint:
Why don't you go back where you belong, hose head?

Ronald Miller:
Take your hands off Kenneth or I'll break your arm. Your pitching arm.

Quint:
Oh yeah? Don't make me laugh, lawn boy.

Ronald Miller:
Let go. NOW! [slams the table with the bat]

[Quint lets Kenneth go]

Ronald Miller:
You broke your arm once before, remember? You fell out of our tree house. Kenneth picked you up and we carried you 12 blocks to the hospital.

Kenneth Wurman:
Yeah, you cried all the way.

Ronald Miller:
We were all friends then, remember? And now you want to end his life because he's talking to Patty on your side of the cafeteria. Oh man, that's stupid. I know cuz that's where I wanted to be. On your side, with your crowd. But I messed up. See, I tried to buy my way in. But Kenneth, he's not trying to buy anybody. He's just trying to make friends being himself. Cools, Nerds, your side, my side, man it's all bullshit. It's just tough enough to be yourself.

Ronald Miller:
[to Cindy] Oh! You-- You demolished me New Year's Eve. But see-- I realize you did me a favor. You brought me back to reality. All I ever wanted to do was get close to you. And then, when I finally got there, it wasn't me anymore.

Cindy Mancini:
[at a party] You! Even Bobby thinks we went out. Great, huh? Ha! All of you thought we were a couple. What a joke!... Ronald Miller paid me 1,000 bucks to pretend I liked him. What a deal, huh? $1,000 to go out with him for a month. This guy. Oh, God. He bought me. And he bought all of you. He was sick and tired of being a nobody. Yeah, and he said that all of you guys would worship him if we went out. And I didn't believe that. I was, like, no way! And he was right! No, leave me alone. He was right. Our little plan worked, didn't it, Ronald? The dance. That stupid dance! What a bunch of followers you guys are. I mean, at least I got... At least I got paid.