Carry On at Your Convenience

Beattie:
Well, we know Joey's a he-bird...

Sid:
Cock.

Beattie:
He is! The man in the pet shop said so!

W.C.:
Fakes, that's all they are, sitting there staring in their crystal whatsitsnames.

Sid:
Balls.

W.C.:
I quite agree!

Agatha Spanner:
This is a respectable and refined neighbourhood AND DON'T YOU BLOODY FORGET IT.

Vic Spanner:
How can I, when you keep reminding me of it so nicely.

Sid:
I see a marriage and one, two, three... fourteen children!

Vic Spanner:
Oh Yes. I was just going in myself, I'll show you where it is. Yes, we've got a lovely pair of canteens here and a nice load of people.

Chloe Moore:
Fred do you really think I would I'd want to play around with anyone else about when I got a smashing bloke like you to play around with?

Fred Moore:
I know women, when there's no prime beef handy they'll do with any old scrag end.

Chloe Moore:
Well then you want to make sure there's plenty of prime beef when they need it, don't you?

W.C.:
Well Miss Withering, how does it feel, comfortable?

Hortence Withering:
Yes I think so Mr Boggs.

W.C.:
Good, good. Comfort before beauty, that's what I always say.

Sid:
It a bit big in the bowl, ain't it?

Charles Coote:
It is only 2 centrementres more than our last model and I'm sure we shan't fall out over that.

Sid:
Its falling in I'm worried about!

W.C.:
No, no! I live your overall design Mr Coote.

Charles Coote:
Oh thank you Sir.

Hortence Withering:
May I get off now please?

W.C.:
Yes of course Mrs Withering, and thank you you have been most patient.

Sid:
Yes like Jove on a monument, and what a monument!

W.C.:
Yes, we must make sure that the catch is strong enough to support the seat.

Sid:
Do you mind if I try it?

W.C.:
No, go ahead.

Sid:
Yes I don't think I could stand it for more than half an hour.

Charles Coote:
It was hardly designed for a reading room!

Sid:
Ere... Look at this very slender this pedestle... Isn't it?

Charles Coote:
It's streamlined!

Sid:
What for, wind resistance?

Charles Coote:
In any case the thickness has nothing to do whatsoever with the tensile strength.

W.C.:
I hope your right Mr Coote. I have had bitter experience of what happens when one of these collapses, or rather my poor wife had, God rest her soul.

Sid:
How about some food?

Beattie:
Well I could make you some Beans on toast or something?

Sid:
No, nothing to elaborate thank you.

Chloe Moore:
Old tinder bottom's off again, nothing bloomin' strike I suppose.

Maud:
Oh no, what's it for?

Chloe Moore:
You know our Vic, he never has known what it's for!

Lewis Boggs:
You may not understand exactly what it means, but since I have been working in this factory I have been making a time and motion study.

Chloe Moore:
Oh I know what it means Mr Lewis and if you've got the time I've certainly got the motion.

Lewis Boggs:
Don't think I haven't noticed it Mrs Moore, especially in your main production department.

Chloe Moore:
Oh you cheeky devil.

Chloe Moore:
Come on Fred, I'll get you something to eat.

Fred Moore:
I could do with a bit.

Sid:
Spoken like a true man!

Chloe Moore:
Oh hello Fred, Sid just give me a life home.

Fred Moore:
I hope that's all he gave you!