Carry On England

Pvt. Easy:
Oh, I do hope you're regular, Sir!

Capt. S. Melly:
Regular? I've been regular for 18 years!

Pvt. Easy:
Oh, good. That means I can have it back tomorrow, then.

Capt. S. Melly:
You'll have it back when I'm good and ready.

Pvt. Easy:
That's alright, Sir. No need to strain yourself!

Capt. S. Melly:
Corporal!

Capt. S. Melly:
That man, he's wearing lipstick!

Melly's driver:
Lipstick sir?

Capt. S. Melly:
Yes.

Melly's driver:
Where?

Capt. S. Melly:
On his face! Where do you think!

Capt. S. Melly:
What are you laughing at?

Pvt. Murray:
Well, I'm happy Sir.

Capt. S. Melly:
Happy? what here?

Sgt. Len Able:
What am I supposed to do with this? Eat it or rub it in?

Cpl. Cook:
You can bounce it off the ceiling for all I care.

Maj. Butcher:
That's quite a nasty friction burn you have there. What you been doing aye? Arsing about?