Cat Ballou

Jackson Two-Bears:
He's a murderer, a hired killer. His nose was bit off in a fight.

Frankie Ballou:
If I was gonna be scared, I'd be scared of the fella who bit it off, not him!

Clay Boone:
He did it! He missed the barn!

Jackson Two-Bears:
Kid, Kid, what a time to fall off the wagon. Look at your eyes.

Kid Sheleen:
What's wrong with my eyes?

Jackson Two-Bears:
Well they're red, bloodshot.

Kid Sheleen:
You ought to see 'em from my side.

Cat:
Some gang! An Indian ranch hand, a drunken gunfighter, a sex maniac, and an uncle!

Cat:
And the first time I ask you to do something for me, like rob one little train!

Kid Sheleen:
I smell a water hole!

Cat:
Where are you staying?

Jed:
On the run, ma'am. Hiding out in a crowd.

Clay Boone:
I've never seen a man get through a day so fast.

Kid Sheleen:
Let's have a drink for old times' sake.

Butch Cassidy:
Old times' sake? That means you got no cash.

Cat:
Jackson, what's happening?

Jackson Two-Bears:
It's ghost sickness.

Cat:
What's that?

Jackson Two-Bears:
In this Indian religion, see, we believe what the gods did when they made a man crazy was they made him fall in love.

Frankie Ballou:
Well now, there's a game for a sheriff - liar's poker. We got our unemployed off the street and made Wolf City safe all in one brilliant stroke.

Clay Boone:
We can't hold up the train.

Cat:
Why not?

Clay Boone:
Lots of reasons.

Cat:
Name 'em.

Clay Boone:
We're rustlers, not train robbers.

Cat:
Well, if people didn't try something new, there wouldn't be hardly any progress at all.

Kid Sheleen:
Yeah, it's all over in Dodge, Tombstone, too, Cheyenne, Deadwood, all gone, all dead and gone. Why, the last time I came through Tombstone, the big excitement there was about the new rollerskate rink that they had laid out over the O.K. Corral. I'll tell you something else, I used to work for the Buffalo Bill Wild West Show and a Congress of Rough Riders. And I rescued many stagecoach passengers from road agents and drunkard injuns... in the nick of time! Twice a day, three times on Saturday.

Frankie Ballou:
You'd like a drink better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stob, wouldn't you?

Professor Sam The Shade:

Cat:
Oh, look at that: a painting on the ceiling!

Sir Harry Percival:
Oh, yes. That's a Tintoretto.

Cat:
I'll say it is.

Cat:
They're trying to drive him off his ranch! They put manure in his well, they made him talk to lawyers...

Clay Boone:
What's your name, so I can vote for you in the next election?