Cats & Dogs

Lou:
I was just thinking - if I'm gonna to be a secret agent, I should have a better name. I was thinking, "Toto Annihilation."

Peek:
Nah, he's a pro-wrestler. Sorry, that name's taken.

Lou:
All right, then. "Doom Machine" it is.

Butch:
Hey! You can call yourself "Squicky the Space-Dog" for all I care. [Sam and Peak snicker] But that don't make your behind a rocket pack. You are not an agent, but you are gonna help us.

Ninja Cat Leader:
On my mark! 3! 2! 1!

Ninja Cat Team and Leader:
BANZAI!

[The Ninjas drop from the planes and deploy their parachutes after several seconds of freefall]

Mr. Tinkles:
[after Sophie leaves; angrily] Evil does not wear BONNET!!

Calico:
[emerging from trash bin] Comin' out, is she gone?

Mr. Tinkles:
[shakes his head] Urgh! Did Genghis Khan ever wear a bonnet? No. Attila the Hun? I don't think so. But he did wear a furry hat. Maybe a black bonnet? Uh, yes? Huh? No? Okay. Ahem. [lifts top of serving plate] The ninjas failed, and failure is unacceptable! [drops top of serving plate] If they ever show their faces again, [examines a roll] you know what to do.

Calico:
Yes. Tell them to wash with a loofah sponge. Kidding. Hello? Joke?

Mr. Tinkles:
[annoyed] This can't be happening. [angrily] I want them ELIMINATED! [slams his fist on the end table]

Calico:
Bu-but they, they did manage to bug the phone. You know, maybe we can look at the glass as half-full. [Mr. Tinkles growls and throws the roll at Calico] Ow! Th-that's what I like to do.

Mr. Tinkles:
Huh, putting a happy face on things, I see. What an interesting philosophy. At what point did you forget that WE'RE TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?! [thunder claps loudly] The clock is ticking, and our margin for error is slight! Tomorrow, you will send in...the Russian.

Mr. Brody:
[on tape] Hi. Uh, doctor, the cure for dog allergies? Success, done!

Doctor:
[sneezes] Fantastic. Send it to me tomorrow, and I'll have our guys verify it.

Mr. Brody:
I will. I'll send it, [Doctor sneezes] first thing in the morning. God bless you.

Mr. Tinkles:
[stops the tape] This is unacceptable! If we do not act immediately, that work will be out of my reach forever! You know what that means?

Calico:
[confused] Huh? What? Oh. Who, me?

Mr. Tinkles:
[annoyed] Were you not paying attention?

Calico:
Not really. Are you mad?

Mr. Tinkles:
YES! I AM MAD!

Calico:
[ducks from Mr. Tinkles' paw] Whoa!

Mr. Tinkles You little bug of an imbecile!

Mr. Tinkles:
As for you, Brody herd, I have a very, very, special...[Reaches into a box on the desk, and pulls out cork gun] gift! [angrily] WHAT?!

Scott:
Whoa!

Mr. Tinkles:
I thought I told you to buy a real gun!

Calico:
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

Mr. Tinkles:
Ohh! What possible use could I have for this?! [Throws the cork gun, firing the cork, breaking things and setting the room on fire] Hey. I'm so clever. [Starts to leave] You know this is? Yeah, this is just plain fun, yeah. [to Calico] I want you to stay here.

Calico:
Why?

Mr. Tinkles:
Because I hate you. [Closes the door, leaving Calico locked inside]

Calico:
[Begins pawing desperately at the door] No! NO! NOOO! HELP! NO! LET ME OUT!

Sam:
Sir, request permission to pant heavily, sir!

Butch:
Granted.

Lou:
Hey, you stupid cat!

Peek:
That'll get his attention.

Peek:
The book says cut the red wire.

Butch:
We're dogs. We're color blind!

Scotty:
Loser.

Lou:
Cat person.

Lou:
You should've fought for me! For my family!

Butch:
Why? What good would it do?

Lou:
What about "Man's Best Friend"? History 101, remember?

Butch:
Okay, well, here's lesson number 2: We protect them. We work for them. We tolerate their stupid "boochy-boochy" baby-talk crap. AND FOR WHAT?! So when they go off to college, they dump you with some old lady who can't throw a ball without so much as BREAKING HER HIP! [He starts walking away]

Lou:
Is that what happened to you? [Butch stops] You gonna blame my family for what some boy did to you?

Butch:
[looks at Lou, shocked; walks to the fence-door] Look, kid, I'm sorry it played out like this, but it's over. We're shut down. [fence-door closes]