Ceremony

Marshall Schmidt:
[referring to book in his hand] You recommended this to me a long time ago. You said you felt it was written about you.

Sam Davis:
Yeah, well, those were my younger and more vulnerable years.

Sam Davis:
Everybody seems sad here. That's why we could really clean up in a place like this.

Sam Davis:
It's refreshing to find two people so good looking involved with each other.

Whit Coutell:
Zoe and I are getting married on Sunday. And it's my birthday!

Sam Davis:
Maybe you shouldn't send post-cards to people to notify them about heart-breaking news.

Zoe:
Whit thought it would be nice for us to schedule our wedding while he already had everyone here for his birthday weekend.

Sam Davis:
Hold on - nothing about that statement seems odd to you?

Zoe:
What are you doing?

Sam Davis:
It seems I'm in the process of winning you back.

Sam Davis:
You seem like trouble. I would like to get into some trouble.

Sam Davis:
Here, have a cheese plate, it will slow your heart down.

Zoe:
Now you're just being an ass, Sam.

Sam Davis:
Yes, I am. I'm winning you back goddamn it.

Teddy:
I made this for your wedding. It's your portrait. It's a big skinny penis with balls.

Whit Coutell:
I guess I just don't feel the need to chase girls around the school-yard anymore.

Marshall Schmidt:
These are bad people, they're irresponsible. They're like babies with money.

Sam Davis:
Don't you realize you should be thanking me right now? I took you on an adventure!

Sam Davis:
I've made some terrible mistakes and I've probably alienated everybody who was close to me, but I did that because I love you.

[first lines]

Sam Davis:
[reading for children's book] He would not take no for an answer. Our young hero traveled a great many leagues beneath the ocean's surface to find his shackled mermaid. And he had no intention of leaving without her. However, the evil Sea King had other plans. Like a mad man driven by love and revenge, he unsheathed his spear gun and fired!

Marshall Schmidt:
When did you start smoking?

Sam Davis:
Recently.

Marshall Schmidt:
You know, you probably shouldn't be doing it at a gas station.

Sam Davis:
That's an old wives tale, Marshall. [flicks it away]