Charlie Brooker's Weekly Wipe

Himself - Presenter:
Hello I'm Charlie Brooker and you're watching Weekly Wipe, a programme all about things that are happening.

Himself - Presenter:
Former Israeli PM Ariel Sharon finally left the coma he'd been controversially occupying since 2006.

Himself - Presenter:
There's been outrage in France a Frenchmen's been accused of having an affair. He's also rumoured to enjoy soft cheese and shrugging.

Himself - Presenter:
Sky News reveals ?250,000 has been spent on weirdly looking portraits. Hanging is too good for them.

Philomena Cunk:
One in 20 people has been a victim of crime. Which means that 19 out of 20 people are criminals. No wonder we need police. In the olden days, if someone did something wrong, there was nothing you could do except form a mob with your neighbours and hunt them down and kill them. But today, we've got one other option, thanks to Sir Robert Peel who in 1829 discovered the police here on a spot marked today by a ceremonial wind turbine.