Cheaper by the Dozen 2

[from trailer]

Tom Baker:
That's not gonna fit in your tent, Lorraine.

Lorraine Baker:
Oh, I'm gonna make it fit, Dad!

[from trailer]

Kate 'Mom' Baker:
Honey you actually bought that shirt?

Tom Baker:
Hey every dad is entitled to one hideous shirt, and one horrible sweater. It's part of the dad code.

Lorraine Baker:
You know how I feel about camping.

Tom Baker:
But, we're staying in a house.

Lorraine Baker:
A house with no air conditioning. That makes it camping.

Nigel Baker:
Winnetka? That's my middle name.

Kyle Baker:
And Lake is mine.

Tom Baker:
That's because you were conceived there.

Nigel Baker:
What's that mean?

Jessica Baker:
It means mom and dad had...

Kate 'Mom' Baker:
...a conversation, that we would discuss it much later when everybody could understand!

Tom Baker:
What do you do for a living Eliot?

Eliot:
Well... I'm in 8th grade.

Kate 'Mom' Baker:
She couldn't even come to me and tell me she wanted to wear make up!

Nora Baker-McNulty:
You just pissed off a severely hormonal pregnant woman!

Eliot:
[during he looks at Sarah] She is sooo cool!

Lorraine Baker:
[after Sarah asks Lorraine for some make-up help] Now, let's start with some lip gloss.

[Lorraine unleashes the lipgloss]

Sarah Baker:
PINK? Can't we put on like a skin color?

Lorraine Baker:
Hold still.

Tom Baker:
Tire swing ready! [falls off tire swing] Tire swing, not ready!

[Sarah knocks Mike off his skateboard]

Mike Baker:
SARAH!

Tom Baker:
[to his newborn grandson] Tom. Hey, Tom. Welcome to family.

Mark Baker:
Hello. Nature boy here, remember?

Jimmy Murtaugh:
Nice hands.

Lorraine Baker:
Still smells the same. Old gross stuff, dead animals, and murky lake water.

Tom Baker:
It's called fresh air sweetie.

Sarah Baker:
Dad, we're gonna need a forklift for Lorraine's luggage.

Sarah Baker:
Dad, we're gonna need a forklift for Lorraine's luggage.

Lorraine Baker:
What? I've only been here 30 seconds and you're already making fun of me.

Sarah Baker:
Yeah, that was my foot.

Sarah Baker:
Is this whole suitcase just for makeup?

Lorraine Baker:
Whatever, butch.

Nora Baker-McNulty:
You get Lorraine and ill pee in the back

Charlie Baker:
You wanna go for a walk or something?

Anne Murtaugh:
Is Charlie Baker asking me out on a date?

Charlie Baker:
[unsure about it, because both dads are enemies] I'm not sure if our fathers would approve, but...

Anne Murtaugh:
[quietly] Let's go.

Anne Murtaugh:
If my dad finds out before I tell him–

Charlie Baker:
You'll be grounded?

Anne:
Please! Just don't say anything.

Kate:
[as an enraged Sarah stomps into this house] Hey, honey. How'd it... [notices Sarah's angry facial expression] ...Go?

Sarah Baker:
Dad was totally spying on me! [as Tom enters the house] You ruined everything! There's no way I'm competing for you in that stupid cup tomorrow! [storms off furiously; Kate gives Tom a disappointed look]

Kim Baker:
I can't believe you did that.

Jessica Baker:
Really, dad. That is so big brother.

Bud McNulty:
Yeah, let's go.

Nora Baker-McNulty:
Come on, Bud. Let's put this baby to bed. [they all walk out of the room]

Jake Baker:
Not cool, dad. [leaves the room in disgust; leaving only Henry, Nigel, and Kyle]

Henry Baker:
You know, you and Jimmy aren't so different, dad. Different styles, yeah, but... same result. Let's go, guys. [they leave the room to go to bed, leaving an ashamed Tom alone with Kate]

Kate Baker:
Tom, I thought we talked about this: the more you hang on, the more they're going to pull away. Oh, god. I'll go to talk to her.

Tom:
All right. From now on, no seeing the Murtaughs, no talking to the Murtaughs, no thinking about the Murtaughs!

Sarah:
Can't we just compete and still like, see them?

Tom:
No! Right now, I am not a father, I am a coach. And we're gonna be training twice a day, every day, starting outside in 10 minutes. No later.

Tom:
How I discipline my kids is none of your business.

Jimmy:
You know, I've been trying to say this in a nice way, but uh... well, there's a pretty good reason your kids are screw-ups.

Tom:
My kids screwed up. They are not screw-ups!

Jimmy:
That's because you're not strict enough. Parenting isn't a popularity contest, Tom, but I guess if you knew that, your kids wouldn't be so undisciplined, and you and I wouldn't be having this conversation.

Tom:
The only problem with my kids is that they're hanging out with your kids!

Jimmy:
It wasn't my daughter who got caught stealing.

Tom:
And it wasn't my son who trashed the tennis court!

Jimmy:
Do you actually think I'm screwing up my kids, Baker?

Tom:
Yeah. And one day, they're gonna crack.

Jimmy:
Well, why don't we test that theory... on Labor Day!? Murtaughs vs. Bakers... for the cup! What do you say?

Tom:
You're on. We'll see you there.

[Sarah knocks Mike off his skateboard]

Mike:
SARAH!