Child of Rage

[while in holding therapy]

Catherine:
[to Dr. Myers] I hate your guts you ugly old b*tch!

Jill Tyler:
You're a minister of the Gospel, Rob!

Rob Tyler:
[Defensive] Don't you beat me up with religion! Okay? I believe in redemption, I do. But she has tried to kill twice! What if we can't reach her?

Jill Tyler:
I'll tell you what I believe. That she was hurt, terribly hurt. And that pain and rage give access to evil. And that love and security opens us up to goodness and to God.

Rob Tyler:
She has love, she has security.

Jill Tyler:
[Starting to cry] But she can't feel it. She's never been able to feel it.

Rob Tyler:
And that's the question. Will she ever?

Jill Tyler:
[Crying] I don't know. I don't know. All I can tell you is what I feel in my heart, and these children were sent to us for a purpose.

Catherine:
[Catherine is going through Holding Therapy. She is on Jill's lap, while Rob holds Catherine's arms, and Dr. Myers holds her legs] I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

Jill Tyler:
Why do you wanna kill us, Cat?

Catherine:
You're hurting me!

Jill Tyler:
Your birthdad hurt you, Cat!

Catherine:
[Turns scared] Please Daddy, don't hurt me!

Jill Tyler:
What are you seeing, Cat?

Catherine:
[Looking at the ceiling] He's coming, he's coming! I hate him! [She turns ferocious and looks at Jill] I'll kill you!

Jill Tyler:
Tell him, Cat!

Catherine:
[Looks at the ceiling and yells at her birthdad] I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll stab you like Casey! I'll beat you like Eric! I'll burn you like Justin! You'll hurt and you'll bleed, and you'll die, and you'll die, and you'll die, and you'll diiieee!

Jill Tyler:
What are you feeling, Cat?

Catherine:
[Rob and Dr. Myers release Catherine. Catherine puts her hands down between her legs on her groin] Mommy, Mommy, I hurt. I hurt. [Pleading] Hold me, Mommy! Mommy, Mommy, hold me! Hold me, Mommy, hold me! [Jill holds Catherine and comforts her]

Catherine:
[Rob and Jill are about to do Holding Therapy on Catherine in their living room] I'm so scared! [She starts to panic and struggle. Rob and Jill pick her up and carry her to the couch] No, no! Stop! Let me go!

Jill Tyler:
It's okay, Cat. [Jill has Catherine on her lap. Rob and Jill hold Catherine as she fights]

Catherine:
Stop! Let me go! No, no! I'm a good girl! Don't hate me! Don't hurt me! No, no! Let me go! I'm good! Stop! I'm a good girl, don't hate me! Let me go!

Rob Tyler:
Jill! Jill!

Catherine:
No, don't hurt me!

Rob Tyler:
Jill!

Jill Tyler:
[Jill starts to cry, and she puts her arms around Catherine, and holds her tight and close. Catherine's screams quiet down. Jill cries and sobs, holding Catherine close. Then Catherine relaxes. She touches Jill's face, touching her tears] Tears for Baby Cat?

Jill Tyler:
[Smiling] Yes, sweetheart, tears for Baby Cat. And all the other babies who hurt in the world who need moms and dads to hold them and to love them.

Catherine:
[Catherine is now crying, tears are streaming down her face. She can feel love and compassion now] Don't cry. Don't cry.

Jill Tyler:
What are you feeling, Cat?

Catherine:
[Catherine touches her own face, touching her tears] Tears. Tears for you, Mommy. Tears for you! [Catherine and Jill hug tight. Rob is crying too now. He lays his head on Jill. Catherine sobs] I love you, Mommy. I love you, Daddy.

Rob Tyler:
[Rob kisses Catherine's hand] I love you, too.

Jill Tyler:
[Catherine is in a session of Holding Therapy. Now Jill has Catherine laying on her lap holding her and Rob and Dr. Myers are holding her] Come one, come on scream. How are you feeling, Cat?

Catherine:
Mad!

Jill Tyler:
You're mad? What are you mad at?

Catherine:
You!

Dr. Rosemary Myers:
Louder.

Jill Tyler:
Louder, Cat. Right at me. Right at me.

Catherine:
I hate you! I hate you! I'm going to kill you!

Jill Tyler:
Say why. Why do you want to kill us, Cat?

Catherine:
I don't know!

Jill Tyler:
Come on, say why, Cat.

Catherine:
I don't know, I don't know!

Jill Tyler:
Come on, Cat. Let it out.

Catherine:
I'm gonna choke you to death like the baby birds! And Daddy I'm gonna stab you with a knife! With a knife!

Jill Tyler:
Say why, Cat. Why do you wanna kill us?

Catherine:
[At the top of her lungs] You're hurting me!

Rob Tyler:
[Rob looks at Catherine with frightened eyes. Dr. Myers nods her head at Jill to release Catherine. The session is over. Catherine puts her arms around Jill, and sobs for breath] [to Jill] I think this takes about as much out of us as it does out of her.

Dr. Rosemary Myers:
[laughs a little] I wish there was an easier way.

Jill Tyler:
[to Catherine] You ready to go? [Catherine nods her head. Jill kisses her on the head and stands up and carries Catherine] Oh my goodness, you're so big.

Dr. Rosemary Myers:
[to Catherine] It's okay to hurt. It's okay to be mad. Look at me, Cat. [Catherine looks at her] Now know this. Your birthdad hurt Baby Cat. [Looks to Rob] But this is your daddy and he loves you very much. [Catherine glances at Rob and looks back at Dr. Myers] Your birthdad hurt Baby Cat and that's why she wants to hurt other people.

Catherine:
Kill them.

Dr. Rosemary Myers:
Yeah, kill them. Do you know why? [Catherine shakes her head 'no'] Do you want other people to hurt like you hurt?

Catherine:
[Nods her head] And be dead.

Dr. Rosemary Myers:
Your birthdad hurt Baby Cat. That's why she wants to hurt and kill. But Cat isn't a baby. Not anymore. She's a big, strong, beautiful girl. [Gently strokes Catherine's pretty brown hair] Big strong, beautiful Catherine can tell Baby Cat to stop. Big Catherine can control Baby Cat. And when she does do you know something? That's when the hurting will start to go away. [Jill holds back tears, and Rob has a few tears falling from his eyes] Have faith.

Rob Tyler:
[Rob is at the pulpit speaking to the congregation. On the frong row is Jill, Catherine, Barbara, Eric, and Henry] A few months ago I preached a sermon to you about love. And I said, "Even when times seem difficult, have faith and love." This morning, home again with my family, and among those that we love and love us, that's what I was going to tell you again. Implying that those who have faith live happily or at least happier ever after. But I want to confess to you, here today, that my faith is being test as it has never been tested before. And it breaks my heart, as it breaks my heart to know that children can be so thoroughly neglected and so brutally abused that they loose their capacity to love and to be loved forever. [Jill puts her arm around Catherine who's listening, and Jill is holding back tears. Rob becomes emotional] That they must, just to protect themselves, wall off their hears, and open their souls to evil just to survive. That they must adjure conscience, set aside empathy, remorse, and compassion, all the emotions and feelings that bind us together as human beings and as children of God. So let us vow to protect every child from neglect and abuse and all the other horrors of the world so that all children everywhere will always, always be open to the love of God and live in God's love forever.

Doris:
[Over drinks in the strip club where Stephanie works] Stephanie, nobody's blaming you.

Stephanie:
You can blame who you want. I did what I had to. He'd get drunk and come into my room. When I got bigger, I'd fight him; he'd beat me up, but I'd still fight him. And after I got to be more trouble than it was worth he started going upstairs.

Jill Tyler:
[Clearly shaken] But she was just a baby...!

Stephanie:
[stony-faced and indignant]... what do you think I was? I can still hear her screaming, the dog going crazy, except one night she stopped... I thought she was dead... so I snuck upstairs... almost. He'd passed out. I had to roll him off of her...! [Jill is crying] .

Doris:
[At the strip club where Stephanie works] Stephanie?

Stephanie:
[Scornfully looks up from her drink] What do you want?

Doris:
This is Jill Tyler, she'd like to talk with you.

Jill Tyler:
[Politely offers her hand] Hi!

Stephanie:
[Annoyed, thinking that it's a proposition] I don't do women.

Jill Tyler:
[Clarifying] My husband and I adopted Catherine and Eric.

Stephanie:
[Bitterly sarcastic] Oh, lucky you!

Jill Tyler:
We want to know what their life was like, what your life was like, what happened. Catherine's very disturbed. She hurts Eric; she tried to kill him. Please, help us!

Stephanie:
[Sarcastically, extending her open hand] Lucky me! [Doris wordlessly urges Jill to pay Stephanie, who looks on in silent annoyance as Jill gives a large wad of bills to her. Stephanie then throws a couple of bills on to the bar, addressing the bartender] Drinks [snidely] for the ladies!

Doris:
[Doris is describing to Jill and Rob the circumstances under which she found Catherine and Eric] The house was filthy; there was garbage everywhere, the whole place stank of urine. I could hear the screaming all the way outside, it was Catherine at eighteen months old. She'd been tied to a table leg, she was lying in all the filth on the freezing kitchen floor wearing nothing more than a little sunsuit that was all caked with her own... [Doris notices Rob and Jill's distress] Anyway, I picked her up and tried to comfort her, but she went stiff in my arms and she would not stop screaming... I've seen some horrors! I walked through the whole house and [except for Eric] there was nobody else there. It had been the postman who'd called when he heard all the screaming.

Jill Tyler:
And Eric?

Doris:
He was lying in his crib. His diaper hadn't been changed in days, his skin was infected... there was a bottle of milk lying next to him except that the milk was so sour it had curdled. And there was this strange bulge [gestures over her forehead] to his head and I couldn't figure out what it was... until I picked him up and saw that the back of his head was flat. Apparently, he'd been lying like that for weeks.

Rob Tyler:
[Exasperated] Where were the parents?

Doris:
The mother was in the hospital. When I went to see her, she just stared. Never said a word. The nurses told me that she'd been beaten and that she'd refused treatment for pneumonia. They said they thought she wanted to die... and she did.

Rob Tyler:
What about the father?

Doris:
All I can tell you is that he would take off for days on end and leave the two babies with their thirteen-year-old sister.

Jill Tyler:
A sister? Do you think she'd speak to us?

Doris:
[Hesitates] Maybe.