Chilly Beach

Jacques LaRock:
Paper towel. No toilet on Earth can withstand its awesome power.

Dale McDonald:
There's something sinister going on in this town. Sinister and... uh... what's another word for sinister?

Dale McDonald:
It's the end of civilization as we know it! And I don't even know it all that good!

Angelica:
Would you like to have a romantic montage with me?

Constable Al:
Oh yes please!

Constable Al:
[gasps] Lieutenant Wright! You are here from headquarters!

Lieutenant Wright:
Let me hear that gasp of surprise again.

Constable Al:
[gasp]

Lieutenant Wright:
Well I suppose that will have to do. Although I'm not sure you leapt out of your chair with regulation shock.

Constable Al:
[reading a coupon] Buy seventeen cans of beans, get the eighteenth for half price. Oh dear, if only I had been receiving that before purchasing those eighteen cans of beans.

Dale McDonald:
You know what you need? A girlfriend.

Constable Al:
Really? Oh my goodness gracious. Could romance be the one missing piece of my life for which I have been searching these twenty long minutes?

Dale McDonald:
Or a toboggan!

Constable Al:
But I would not even know where to be getting one.

Dale McDonald:
At the hardware store!

Frank Shackleford:
He's talking about a girlfriend!

Dale McDonald:
So am I! I almost got a date in the aisle where the toilet parts are.

Dale McDonald:
[looking over his sled dog team of wiener dogs] How come my dogs are a dog-and-a-half long but only half a dog high?

Rover:
It was an unholy beast. Half man, half wiener dog. A were-wiener! I've seen 'em before. Seen what they can do. Even fought one once. Tore a big hole in my pant leg, near the ankle. Almost broke the skin! I couldn't wear shorts for a week!

Jacques LaRock:
Name your price, up to and including twenty dollars.

Dale McDonald:
Ten bucks!

Biggs:
We have a signed contract.

Dale McDonald:
We do?

Biggs:
[holds out a contract and a pen] Sign here.

Dale McDonald:
[signs it]

Biggs:
Yes, we do.

Dale McDonald:
Oh. Well can't we make a new contract? One that says I don't have to do what you say?

Biggs:
I'm sorry, I don't have a pen.

Dale McDonald:
But you just gave me this one.

Biggs:
Exactly. That was my only one.

Dale McDonald:
I have sensitive skin. It hurts when I get punched and kicked.

Dale McDonald:
I don't read the newspaper. I don't like all that news. Or paper.

Dale McDonald:
I don't know how I feel about this.

Biggs:
I do. You feel good. Now do it.

Constable Al:
I do not make the rules, sir. I merely enjoy the power rush of enforcing them.

Angus MacAuger:
I think I left something in the stove. And I best let it out before it dies.

Jacques LaRock:
I do not know how to thank you for this.

Dale McDonald:
Just knowing that I'm being paid is thanks enough.

Terrorist:
Are you going to play stupid with us?

Dale McDonald:
Okay, but you'll have to explain the rules. I don't learn very fast.

Antoine DelVecchio:
Everybody knows you're in bed with Biggs.

Dale McDonald:
What?! I fell asleep on his couch once, but that's all!

Elvis Stojko:
You remind me of a young me. In fact, you remind me more of a young me than I do, and I *am* a young me. Except older.

Santa Claus:
Every year I give out millions of presents, but what for? Not because I want to. I don't even like most of these kids. I mean, some of these kids are ugly, Dale. Honest-to-God ugly.

Jacques LaRock:
Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water.