Club Dread

Kellie:
I just heard something.

Rolo:
Was it a strange sucking sound?

Putman:
I was Andre Agassi's tennis partner for a week. I'm the one who taught 'Dre how to play C*cks and Quarters. Can you believe he'd never played C*cks and Quarters?

Juan:
Yu and Hank are dead!

Coconut Pete:
...What did we do?

Juan:
No! Yu and Hank are f***ing dead!

Coconut Pete:
Is that a threat?

Jenny:
Amy Aerobics accidentally swallowed some rat poison.

Juan:
Ok. Juan Castillo... went to jail... for having sex with a goat. Ok? It that what you wanted to hear? We lived on a farm! And I got lonely! We were just a couple of crazy kids!

Lars:
Back off, fun pig! You wanna fun-f***ing-arrest me? You better get a fun-f***ing-warrant! Otherwise, stay outta my... fun-f***ing-face!

Juan:
You are the f***ing FUN POLICE!

Sam:
Did you know I can hold my breath for 3 minutes and 33 seconds?

Penelope:
Juan, you're bleeding!

Juan:
You should see the other hombre.

Juan:
When you jump squeeze your ass cheeks together or water will fly up your butthole and pulverize your intestines.

Putman:
You've manacled me to my death-bed, you Piccadilly whore!

Jenny:
Aren't you bringing any weapons?

Lars Bronkhorst:
I have all the weapons I need.

Putman Livingston:
Piss on that! I'm bringing a ma-she-tay!

Dirk:
No, I'm not an a**hole. I'm just young, dumb and full - What the f***? Something just brushed up against my leg.

Jenny:
Oh, my God! What is it?

Dirk:
No. There's seriously something down here. Oh, no, wait! It's just my gigantic cock!

Dirk:
Yeah I heard you. Something about "c*cks and quarters". Yeah, we have that here in the states only we call it "hide the sausage".

Juan Castillo:
You have a beautiful name. Peen-a-lop.

Penelope:
I go to Oral Roberts.

Juan Castillo:
Oral Roberts? Is that like Anal Johnson? Because I have done that a few times. Or was it Dirty Sanchez? Yes. It was that.

Sam, The Fun Police:
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Coconut Pete's Pleasure Island. You have the right to fun. If you choose not to have fun, fun will be provided for you.

Lars:
I guess now they'll kick me out of the Pacifists Club.

Jenny:
Or just ask you nicely to leave.

Rolo:
Hey! What about my nipples?

Lars:
Are you familiar with the expression "sitting duck"?

Juan:
Uhh, no.

Putman:
David, you hated him for killing your parents. You see, what none of us did know, what none of us could know, was that David's parents were trampled to death at a Coconut Pete concert.

Jenny:
What the hell's wrong with you Putman? Everyone knows Dave's parents got killed at a Pete show.

Juan:
Way to bring up on a sore subject.

Sam:
It's not a party until someone breaks the Jacuzzi.

Lars:
What happened to the Jacuzzi?

Sam:
The boat may be hidden under some sticks... or branches.

Dave:
What the f*** did you do, man? Costa Rican prison - that's some hardcore anal action, man.

Manny:
Oh good 'cause I have an announcement to make to Roy: I'm totally bake-aked!