Cocktail

Brian:
Days get shorter and shorter, nights longer and longer, before you know it, you life is just one long night with a few comatose daylight hours.

Doug:
Anything else is always something better.

Uncle Pat:
Most things in life, good and bad, just kinda' happen to ya'.

Doug:
I don't care how liberated this world becomes - a man will always be judged by the amount of alcohol he can consume - and a woman will be impressed, whether she likes it or not.

Doug:
When you see the color of their panties, you know you've got talent. Stick with me son and I'll make you a star.

Bonnie:
Don't let it end this way.

Brian:
All things end badly, or else they wouldn't end.

Brian:
Coughlin's law: never show surprise, never lose your cool.

Brian:
You're offering me a job?

Doug:
Uh huh.

Brian:
The waitresses hate me!

Doug:
You wait till you've given them crabs. Then you'll really know hatred.

Brian:
If Jordan gives birth to a fine Irish son / There will be Cocktails and Dreams for him one day to run / A business that will yield the financial windfall / To be franchised in every suburban shopping mall. / If a daughter arrives to bless our clan / I guess the sh*t will finally hit the fan / But this I shall promise thee / I'll never let her marry a guy like me. / Still if our child is the naughtiet of girls or the wildest of young men / I swear I'll be the best dad I can / And never ever get spooked again.

Brian:
I am the last barman poet / I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make / Americans getting stinky on something I stir or shake / The sex on the beach / The schnapps made from peach / The velvet hammer / The alabama slammer. / I make things with juice and froth / The pink squirrel / The 3-toed sloth. / I make drinks so sweat and snazzy / The iced tea / The kamakazi / The orgasm / The death spasm / The Singapore sling / The dingaling. / America you've just been devoted to every flavor I got / But if you want to got loaded / Why don't you just order a shot? / Bar is open.

Doug:
However, falling down the stairs is allowed!

Doug:
Couglin's diet: cocktails and dreams.

Doug:
The Luck is gone / the brain is shot / but the liquor we still got.

Brian:
Not a goddamned thing any one of those professors says makes a difference on the street.

Doug:
If you know that, you're ready to graduate.

Doug:
Coughlin's law: never tell tales about a woman no matter how far away she is, she'll always here you.

Brian:
So this is your profession.

Jordan:
More like my... obsession.

Brian:
To pay the rent?

Jordan:
Someday it will.

Brian:
Should we let it breathe?

Doug:
It hasn't breathed for fifty years, it's dead. Let's just drink it.

Brian:
I'll stick with the brew.

Doug:
Beer is for breakfast around here, drink or be gone.

Brian:
I think there's a chance for us.

Jordan:
Brian, there is no "us." There's too many things about "us" that don't work.

Brian:
What about the baby? A kid needs a father.

Jordan:
Not one who's not going to be around in a year?

Mr. Mooney:
Yeah, with your lifestyle, what kind of a father would you...

Jordan:
Dad!

Brian:
Listen, I'm sorry I called you a b*tch.

Eleanor:
Why? I am a b*tch.

Doug:
You are in training my son.

Brian:
In training for what?

Doug:
For stardom. No matter how liberal this world may become, a man will always be judged on the amount of alcohol he can consume, and women will be impressed with it, whether they like it or not!

Jordan:
I am going to be VERY fat, and YOU are gonna love it!

Jordan:
Your sexy smile isn't gonna work this time.

Brian:
You b*tch! Why didn't you just say a rum and Coke?!

Brian:
Everything ends badly, otherwise, it would never end.

Doug:
Beer is for breakfast, 'drink or be gone.

Doug:
You see, there are two kinds of people in this world, the workers and the hustlers. The hustlers never work and the workers never hustle and you my friend, are a worker.

Brian Flanagan: I am the world's last barman poet! I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make. America is getting stinking on something I stir or shake. The Sex On The Beach...the Schnapps made from peach! The Velvet Hammer...the Alabama Slammer! I make things with juice and froth, the Pink Squirrel...the 3 Toed Sloth. I make drinks so sweet and snazzy, the Iced Tea...the Kamikazi! The Orgasm...the Death Spasm. The Singapore Sling...the Ding a Ling. America you're just devoted to every flavor I've got, but if you want to get loaded...why don't you just order a shot! Bar's open!!

Doug Coughlin:
A bartender is the aristocrat of the working class.

Doug Coughlin:
[in his suicide note to Brian] My dearest Brian, A guy like me looks in the mirror, he either grins, or he starts to fade away. And I haven't seen anything to grin about in a long time. This may not be the most graceful exit, but I know when the bottle's empty. The only thing I'm really going to miss is the conversations we had. At least I get the last word, even if I had to mail it in. Coughlin's Law: Bury the dead. They stink up the joint. As for the rest of Coughlin's Laws, ignore them. The guy was always full of sh*t. [chuckles bitterly] But I guess you knew that already.

Uncle Pat:
[On how to succeed in business] You outwork, outthink, outscheme and outmanuever. You make no friends. You trust nobody. And you make damn sure you're the smartest guy in the room whenever the subject of money comes up.