Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav

Lisa Lampanelli:
If Flavor Flav was any smaller and darker, Brad and Angelina would try to adopt him.

Ice-T:
[on Carrot Top] It looks like half-way through the sex-change operation, the doctor said "f*** it".

Sommore:
Katt Williams, you're so tiny, I don't know whether to f*** you or change you.

Jimmy Kimmel:
Flavor Flav is the reason George Bush doesn't care about black people.

Jimmy Kimmel:
Flavor Flav is so skinny and black, he looks like a Make a Wish kid whose last request was to try on a wetsuit.

Jimmy Kimmel:
Anyway... let's see. Where was I? Before I was interrupted by those whores.

Jimmy Kimmel:
Flav, I don't know how old you are but you don't look good. When I first saw you sitting up there, I thought it was an open casket memorial for James Brown.

Dogg, Snoop:
Wanna hear a joke?

Audience:
Yeah!

Dogg, Snoop:
Knock knock.

Audience:
Who's there?

Dogg, Snoop:
A n*gger with a motherf***ing gun, that's who. You get it? I got a million more.

Carrot Top:
[to Brigitte Nielsen] How did you go from f***ing Rocky to f***ing Bullwinkle?

Dogg, Snoop:
You know, Lisa came up to me backstage, you know what I'm saying, talking about, "Snoop Dogg, I'm one of your biggest fans. Can you do your little, you know, Snoop talk for me? The izzle-vizzles and all that sh*t?" And I said, "Okay, baby, sure. How's this? 'B*tch, I wouldn't eat your nasty p*ssy for all the weed in Compton. Now, what you need to do is get the f*** outta my dressing room 'fore I beat the sh*t outta you with one of my shoes, you stink-ho... izzle!'"

Greg Giraldo:
Ice T is so old that the first thing he bought with his record contract money was his freedom.

Greg Giraldo:
[to Flavor Flav] You look like a turd with teeth! Look at yourself!

“Flavor Flav you’re so skinny and black, you look like a skeleton wrapped in electrical tape.”