Con Air

Duncan Malloy:
Well of course you can't reach him. He's off saving the rain forest, or recycling his sandals or some sh*t.

Francisco Cindino:
Cy!

Cyrus Grissom:
...onara!

Cyrus Grissom:
Make a move and the bunny gets it.

Cameron Poe:
Put... the bunny... back... in the... box.

Cyrus Grissom:
I despise rapists. For me, they're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corners of your mouth when you're really thirsty. But, in your case, I'll make an exception.

Agent Sims:
I'm DEA, d'you know what the f*** that means?

Pinball:
It means you're the most crooked n*gger on the plane!

Local cop:
I got a problem with a corpse.

Larkin:
Yeah?

Local cop:
Yeah, fell from the sky. I don't think he's an astronaut.

Duncan Malloy:
Beautiful? Sunsets are beautiful, newborn babies are beautiful. This... this is f***ing spectacular!

Garland Greene:
What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn't you consider that to be insane?

Pinball:
You didn't mean that "two-bit negro crackhead" sh*t, did you?

Cyrus Grissom:
Give me that gun.

Cyrus Grissom:
Hell yes, I meant it.

Cyrus Grissom:
Say a word about this over the radio, and the next wings you see will belong to the flies buzzing over your rotting corpse!

Vince Larkin:
Are you with me or do you need me to draw it in crayon like usual?

Garland Greene:
He's a fountain of misplaced rage. Name your cliche; Mother held him too much or not enough, last picked at kickball, late night sneaky uncle, whatever. Now he's so angry that moments of levity actually cause him pain; give him headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman, hurts.

Pinball:
I hate to say this, Cyrus, but we are three white dudes short. Or as they say in Ebonics, "We be f***ed".

William 'Billy Bedlam' Bedford:
Have you lost your mind?

Cyrus Grissom:
According to my last psych evaluation yes.

Cyrus Grissom:
Johnny, can you fly?

Johnny 23:
No.

Cyrus Grissom:
You keep that in mind, cause if your dick jumps out of your pants, you jump off this plane!

Duncan Malloy:
What's with dictionary-boy over here?

Vince Larkin:
I believe thesaurus-boy would be more appropriate.

Sally Can't Dance:
What can I do?

Cyrus Grissom:
Take this,

Cyrus Grissom:
and head to the boneyard. See anyone comin', scratch their eyes out!

Sally Can't Dance:
Ooh. Men in uniform.

Baby O:
What's wrong with him?

Cameron Poe:
My first guess would be... a lot.

Vince Larkin:
Cyrus, where are you taking my plane?

Cyrus Grissom:
We're going to Disney Land.

Cyrus Grissom:
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have the only gun on board. Welcome to Con Air.

Cameron Poe:
That gun work?

Vince Larkin:
Yeah.

Cameron Poe:
Then shoot that piece of sh*t!

Vince Larkin:
If you can't trust a South American drug lord, who can you trust?

Vince Larkin:
That was a joke.

Cameron Poe:
I'm glad you told me.

Johnny 23:
Do you know what I am?

Cameron Poe:
Ugly all day?

Cameron Poe:
Somehow they managed to get every creep and freak in the universe on this one plane.

Vince Larkin:
Cyrus is a poster child for the criminally insane.

Cameron Poe:
On any other day, that might seem strange.

Garland Greene:
One girl, I drove through three states wearing her head as a hat.

Vince Larkin:
They call him Cyrus the Virus. He claims he's killed more people than cancer.

Vince Larkin:
So what are you going to do now?

Cameron Poe:
What do you think I'm gonna do? I'm gonna save the f***in' day!

Garland Greene:
Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.

Cameron Poe:
There's only two men I trust. One is me. The other is not you.

Cameron Poe:
There's now three people I trust.

Vince Larkin:
Am I one of them?

Cyrus Grissom:
Oh, nothing makes me sadder than the agent lost his bladder on the aeroplane.

Cyrus Grissom:
Thank you Poe, you've proven to be a most useful mammal.

Cameron Poe:
Many hands make light work. My father taught me that.

Cyrus Grissom:
Know what my father taught me? Nothing.

Cameron Poe:
Self-educated man.

Cyrus Grissom:
It's not difficult to surmise Nathan's feelings towards killing these guards; and my own proclivities are well-known and often-lamented facts of penal lore.

Pinball:
Hey, man. You Swamp Thing?

Swamp Thing:
That's right.

Pinball:
You gonna fly the plane?

Swamp Thing:
That's right.

Pinball:
It's amazing the sh*t you white trash know.

Swamp Thing:
That's right.

Cyrus Grissom:
If we let you out, are you gonna play nice, Billy?

William 'Billy Bedlam' Bedford:
Probably not.

Guard Falzon:
If any of you so much as pass gas in my direction and upset my delicate nasal passages, your testicles will become my private property.

Little Girl:
Are you sick?

Garland Greene:
Why do you ask?

Little Girl:
You look sick.

Garland Greene:
I am sick.

Little Girl:
Do you take medicine?

Garland Greene:
There is no medicine for what I have.

Duncan Malloy:
This is a situation that needs to get unf***ed, right now!

Vince Larkin:
I know a good body shop in Fresno if it's insured.

Duncan Malloy:
Nah, I was bored with it anyway.

Vince Larkin:
Oh, well it worked out better this way, then.

Guard Falzon:
It smells like someone sh*t in your mouth.

Pinball:
He told me he loved me.

Cameron Poe:
What was I thinking again? Oh, that's right, yee-haw.

Cameron Poe:
I was just wondering what a black militant - that would be you - was doin' takin' orders from a white boy on a power trip? Don't you think that's strange?

Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones:
It's a means to an end, my white friend. A means to an end. See, I's can play house n*gger till we get to where we're goin'. And then, the day of the dog begins.

Larkin:
Nathan Jones, A.K.A. Diamond Dog. Former general of the Black Guerillas. He blew up a meeting of the National Rifle Association saying, and I quote, "They represented the basic negativity of the white race." He wrote a book in prison, "Reflections in a Diamond's Eye". New York Times called it a wakeup call for the Black Community. They're talking to Denzel for the movie.

Vince Larkin:
"Larkin. Vince Larkin. Marshall Services. How do you think I got the number?!"

Guard Falzon:
Well, welcome aboard. My, my; as I look around I see a lot of celebrities among us. I see eleven Current Affairs, two Hard Copies and a genuine Geraldo interviewee, [gestures at Diamond Dog] but I gotta tell you gentlemen, none of this impresses me. Because we have rules on this aircraft and they're going to be enforced. It's a lot like kindergarten. You'll keep your hands to yourself, keep the decibel level down and, if any of you should feel the need to scream, spit, or bite, you get the treatment.

Inmate:
[spits at Falzon's feet] F*** you, pig.

Guard Falzon:
[to another guard] Gag and bag this Nazi muffin. [strikes inmate before guards gag him and place a mesh bag over his head] You see, this kind of thing puts me in a foul mood. These rules will be enforced because I can't have trouble. If any of you so much as pass gas in my general direction, upsetting my delicate nasal passages, your testicles will become my personal property. That's pretty clear. Good.

Cyrus the Virus:
[holding the pilot at gunpoint] Say there was a disturbance, but you've got it under control. Say it, or I will kill you.

Pilot:
Without me, you got nobody to fly the plane.

Cyrus:
I never think that far ahead.

Johnny "Johnny 23" Baca:
Sh*t, that's Garland Greene, man.

Cameron Poe:
The Marietta Mangler.

Mike "Baby O" O'Dell:
That skinny little man butchered thirty-some people up and down the eastern seaboard. They say the way he killed those people makes the Manson Family look like The Partridge Family!

Poe:
Well...he's on the right flight.

Cyrus:
Good, now here are the rules, I'm going to ask a question and then you will ask a question.

Larkin:
Okay... What's your question?

Cyrus:
In Carson City, your boys were onto us; how?

Malloy:
One of the guards- [Larkin cuts him off]

Larkin:
One of the guards faked a heart attack and we had to remove his restraints, okay?

Cyrus:
Alright, now what's your question?

Larkin:
Where are you going with my plane, Cyrus?

Cyrus:
We're going to Disneyland.

Larkin:
You're lying, Cyrus.

Cyrus:
So are you, Vince. [mocks him by singsong] Ohh... nothing makes me sadder than the agent lost his bladder in the... aaaiirrrplane. [Larkin throws the headset he's using]

[Garland Greene sees Poe come up after he kills Billy Bedlam in the cargo hold]

Garland Greene:
Two went down. One came up.

Poe:
Wasn't my fault.

Garland:
Well, you don't have to tell me. Most murders are crimes of necessity rather than desire. But the great ones... Dahmer, Gacy, Bundy... they did it because it excited them.

Poe:
Don't you... I got nothing in common with them — with you! Don't you talk to me! They were insane!

Garland:
Now you're talking semantics. What if I told you insane was working a 50-hour week for 50 years, at the end of which they tell you to piss off. Ending up in some retirement village, hoping to die rather than suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time. Wouldn't you consider that to be insane?

Poe:
Murdering 30 people, semantics or not, is insane.

Garland:
[smiles] One girl, I drove through three states wearing her head as a hat.

Poe:
It's my daughter's birthday, so please feel free not to share everything with me.

[the cons start digging out the Jailbird]

Cyrus the Virus:
Thanks, Poe. You've proven to be a most useful mammal.

Cameron Poe:
"Many hands make light work." My daddy taught me that.

Cyrus:
You know what my daddy taught me?

Poe:
What's that?

Cyrus:
Nothin'.

Poe:
Self-educated man.

[Cyrus has made a map in the dirt using various bits of junk to represent buildings at Lerner Airfield]

Cyrus:
Considering my audience, I'm gonna make this very quick and very simple. [points with a stick] This is the boneyard. This is the hangar. This is our plane.

Viking:
What's that? [points at a rock]

Cyrus:
That's a rock.

Viking:
[looks embarrassed] Okay.

Cyrus:
The convoy will enter the boneyard here. Initially, we take out the first car [flicks off forward Coke can], then we take out the [hits can] last, creating a trap... an air-tight cage filled with lots and lots of dead people. Nathan, get everybody in position, yeah? [cons mobilize] And bring me those propane tanks!

Cameron Poe:
They somehow managed to get every freak and creep in the universe on this one plane, and then somehow managed to let them take it over, and then they somehow managed to stick us right smack in the middle.

U.S. Marshal Vince Larkin:
[on Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom] This one's done it all. Kidnapping, robbery, murder, extortion. His name is Cyrus Grissom, AKA "Cyrus the Virus." Thirty-nine years old, 25 of them spent in our institutions. But he's bettered himself inside. Earned two degrees, including his juris doctorate. He's also killed 11 fellow inmates, incited three riots, and escaped twice. Likes to brag that he's killed more men than cancer. Cyrus is a poster child for the criminally insane. He's a true product of the system.