Craig Kennedy, Criminologist

Walt Jameson:
Whatcha got, huh? Huh?

Craig Kennedy:
Dried particles of mud.

Walt Jameson:
So?

Craig Kennedy:
Maybe somebody was in that chest, Walt.

Walt Jameson:
Sure! What's the matter with my thinkin' machine. A body has feet, feet wear shoes, it's raining out, mud cakes on shoes, body in chest, mud falls off of shoes.

Craig Kennedy:
Ho-ho! If J.J. were here, he'd be proud of you.

Insp. J.J. Burke:
Where were you 11:45 this morning?

Johnny Lane:
Under my shower - and I got my wet towel to prove it.

Insp. J.J. Burke:
You're not as smart as you think, Lane.

Johnny Lane:
Okay, okay, so I'm not. Now can I go get my hair cut and my manicure finished?

Insp. J.J. Burke:
Sure, but don't try goin' out of town for 'em.

Johnny Lane:
I would if I knew a better barber and a classier manicurist. And when you write this up for your newspaper, don't forget to say Johnny Lane, owner of the Country Club Casino, was questioned by the cops and was sorry his pal got his. That'll put the name of my joint before the public and get you a free dinner.

Walt Jameson:
Thanks, Mr. Lane. My editor is sure to give me a raise... right out the door!

[Walt is on the phone with Craig Kennedy]

Walt Jameson:
Honest, Craig, I only came to pick up my laundry. Of course, I'm telling the truth.

Craig Kennedy:
Yes, Walt, life must be kept interesting, eh?

Walt Jameson:
Yeah and she's a knockout!

[Miss Thompson grabs the phone from Walt]

Miss Thompson:
Wish you was with us handsome, but this newspaper guy's got his shoestrings pressed all pretty. Will you tell that...

Craig Kennedy:
...Yes, yes, I'll tell the Inspector you don't have anything to do with bookies and gamblers.

Craig Kennedy:
And, oh, this gun is registered to her late husband.

Walt Jameson:
That crackpot Mrs. Collins tried to shoot me and Craig was going to let her do it!

Craig Kennedy:
Walt, the firing pin is missing... and it wasn't loaded anyway.

Walt Jameson:
What?

Craig Kennedy:
That's right. I'm afraid Mrs. Collins doesn't know a gun has to be loaded to kill reporters.

Craig Kennedy:
Someone phoned the editor of the Evening Star and warned Mr. Kendall he must withdraw from the campaign.

Mike Grady:
Now what's that got to do with us?

Craig Kennedy:
It's a known although not proven fact that practically all the large gambling combines are controlled by you, Mr. Grady. Naturally, you'd be much better off with a friendly counselman in your district

Jack Brown:
You got us wrong, Mr. Kennedy. We don't even know how to play canasta.

Craig Kennedy:
You should learn.

Walt Jameson:
Well, gentlemen, if I can't have Craig's story, I've got a lulu for you. Gaze upon the 14-carat dope of the year - me.

Insp. J.J. Burke:
Well, as chairman of the awards committee, it gives me great pleasure to give you this loving cup. You have been unanimously chosen "Prize Dope of All-Time".

Craig Kennedy:
You come with me, Inspector.

Insp. J.J. Burke:
Be right with you.

Walt Jameson:
Hey! Don't I get in on this talk?

Insp. J.J. Burke:
You better stay horizontal for a while.

Walt Jameson:
Gee, when you worry about me, Inspector, I think my little ol' life is valuable.

Insp. J.J. Burke:
It's only that I don't want any more murders to solve. I'm tired!

[answering phone]

Noel Young:
Trudy, it's Thomas! He's alive! Where are you, Thomas?

Tom Parker:
Surprised to hear from me, aren't you, Noel.

Noel Young:
Why, yes-yes. What's that? Well, of course I'm glad you're alive. Well, what does one say to a dead man?

Tom Parker:
Hello, who is this?

Betty Parker:
Really, dear, you surprise me. This is Betty. Congratulations on your return from the dead.

Walt Jameson:
How did Parker get out of here without any of your men seeing him?

Insp. J.J. Burke:
I'll answer your question the first TV quiz show I'm on.

Walt Jameson:
Waiting for Mr. Kennedy? He's a good friend of mine. Anything I can do?

Mrs. Patterson:
There is. Mind your own business!

Craig Kennedy:
Have an onion, Inspector.

Insp. J.J. Burke:
I don't know, Kennedy. They do things to me.

Craig Kennedy:
Here, you better take one in self-defense.