Crooklyn

Carolyn Carmichael:
Wendell, PLEASE close your mouth when you chew!

Wendell:
Why can't you let me eat in peace for once?

Carolyn Carmichael:
Because you disturbing the peace! You eat like a pig and chew like a cow!

Nate:
May I PLEASE be excused?

Carolyn Carmichael:
No, you may not. You're gonna sit there until you eat every black eyed pea on your plate.

[to the kids]

Carolyn Carmichael:
And when I come home tonight, I want this kitchen clean.

Clinton:
[the kids groan] See what you started, Nate? Shoot!

Nate:
I HATE Black-eyed peas!

Carolyn Carmichael:
Yeah, that's right! There's no reason why your father and I should have to run around here cleaning up after you shifty Negroes!

Clinton:
Daddy don't make us clean up, don't you, Daddy?

Woody Carmichael:
[Pouring lemonade in glass] I ain't in this. Leave me out of this.

Carolyn Carmichael:
Your daddy may not mind but your momma do. I'm going with your father to a gig tonight and when I come home, this house BET-TER be clean. I'll be goddamed if I should have to do anything when I come home from work but sleep and relax!

Carolyn Carmichael:
Damn it, Woody, you bounced another check.

Woody Carmichael:
I thought we had it covered. I'll get some money.

Carolyn Carmichael:
When?

Woody Carmichael:
When? What do you think I'm doing right here? Gem, Let me just finish this music.

Carolyn Carmichael:
That's what I've always done. The problem is your music's not bringing anything into the house but music.

Woody Carmichael:
Gem, the money will come.

Carolyn Carmichael:
I'm waiting. I'm back teaching school again, and I am waiting, Woody.

Woody Carmichael:
Just keep doing what you're doing, Gem. Now you know it wasn't always like this. I made money before. I'll make money again.

Carolyn Carmichael:
I trust you, but you have got to realize we are on a limited budget. I am trying to balance everything and when you go and write checks and you don't tell me about it, it makes it extremely difficult.

Woody Carmichael:
As God is my witness, I want the best for you and the children. But I have got to do it in my own way. [He gets up from his piano] Lookit [He gives her a hug] Cool?

Carolyn Carmichael:
Cool. I went out and opened a separate back account.

Woody Carmichael:
[He backs away] That's supposed to get some kind of reaction from me? What is that supposed to prove?

Carolyn Carmichael:
I don't know what it proves. I'm interested in putting food on the table and keeping a roof over our kids' heads.

Woody Carmichael:
[Woody goes to the far end of the living room and sits in a small chair] Boy! You know, you really kill me. I mean, on the one hand, you come down here telling me about yet another mistake Woody done made. But when I'm sitting at that piano trying to do my work, trying to concentrate, you won't let me do that either. You got a beef with that. I don't know what to do.

Carolyn Carmichael:
You can get up off my chair. [He gets up and walks about] I don't want to hear about your mistakes, You keep track of those. I don't have time. All I ask you to do is to write down when you spend the money I am making.

Woody Carmichael:
I told you it was a legitimate mistake

Carolyn Carmichael:
I appreciate that, but you have made that mistake five times this month. I just want you to change the pattern.

Woody Carmichael:
I don't need no lecture from you about how to conduct myself in this house!

Carolyn Carmichael:
I'm not giving you a lecture. I am asking you to help me conduct the business affairs of this family! You're an adult

Woody Carmichael:
What the HELL DO YOU THINK I'M TRYING TO DO?

Carolyn Carmichael:
I don't know what you're doing!

Woody Carmichael:
I know you don't. Well, let me tell you, I got to be like a thief in the night in this house every time I want to get some privacy to do my work!

Carolyn Carmichael:
You selfish child! Don't tell me about privacy!

Woody Carmichael:
Selfish nothing! Selfish nothing!

Carolyn Carmichael:
Yes, you are selfish! I can't even take a piss without six people hanging off my tits!

Woody Carmichael:
You're a big saint around here and I ain't sh*t, is that it?

Carolyn Carmichael:
You can call yourself what you want to. I just asked you to write down the check!

Woody Carmichael:
I wrote the check, right? [Woody sits back down at the piano] I wrote the stupid thing. [He gets up some music charts]

Carolyn Carmichael:
I think you can do two things at once: make music and write.

Woody Carmichael:
[Writing] Woody... wrote... a... bum... check. [Gives her the sheet] Here.

Carolyn Carmichael:
That's very cute. You remember to write it down before it bounces next time.

Woody Carmichael:
You know, you seem to forget I'm the one used to pay for you and the children to go to Bloomingdales and Lord & Taylor to get what you wanted when you wanted. You ain't the only one contributed to this family, Gem! You got to remember that!

I ain’t no puta! I’m CONNIE! I keeps my panties clean!