D.C. Follies

Richard Nixon:
I'm so close to the solution on who did me in. You see, they planted clues to throw us off.

Henry Kissinger:
They did? Who did?

Richard Nixon:
The Beatles.

Geraldo Rivera:
This is bigger than I thought! Ex-Presidents in the den of iniquity!

Richard Nixon:
You chump, you're in the wrong place, this is just a neighborhood bar!

Mister Rogers:
Wait, what's this? Why, how neighborly. Can you say, "listening device?"

Cher:
I can't believe they gave me an Oscar for playing an older woman who has a fling with a younger man. Oh gosh, normally they give it for acting, oh gosh.

Oliver North:
Mr. President, I'm afraid the operation was not a success. They still have to do some work on your nose.

Jimmy Swaggert:
Oh! God! I have sinned against you!

George Burns:
Knock off the dinner theater, Jim, If I want to see overacting I'll watch Vincent Gardenia.

Jessica Hahn:
I'm trying to get new recruits to a new organization, called B.I.M.B.O.s. It's a loose association of women.

Fred:
I see, an association of loose women.......

Richard Nixon:
Jim Bakker became a disgrace when he got caught with a woman. Jimmy Swaggert became a disgrace when he went to a hotel with a woman. Gary Hart became a disgrace when he dared the press to follow him. I remember the good old days when you had to have brains to be a disgrace.

Oliver North:
Excuse me, Mr. Krueger, sir. Would you help me with these documents?

Freddy Krueger:
Why sure, Ollie.

[slices up the documents]

Freddy Krueger:
There you go.

Freddy Krueger:
I think I'll stick to teenagers.