Daddy Day Care

Charlie Hinton:
Hey man, how did it go in there?

Max:
I missed.

Charlie Hinton:
Missed, what does that mean?

Max:
I missed.

Charlie Hinton:
If you don't stop it with that Star Trek stuff, I'm gonna push you in that sticker bush.

Mrs. Gwyneth Harridan:
Rock for Daddy Day Care. Do you know what this means?

Jenny:
A chance to prove ourselves in a little healthy competition?

Mrs. Gwyneth Harridan:
No, you bubble-headed idiot.

Charlie Hinton:
Today we need some orginazation and planned activities.

Phil:
No. We need Ritalin and leashes.

Jamie:
Dolphins. Dolphins are good.

Max:
Dolphins are fish!

Becca:
No, they're not!

Max:
Yeah-huh, they live in water!

Max:
How 'bout we just run in a circle?

Max:
I don't miss!

Becca:
We need more learning about things!

Becca:
Hi, who are you?

Marvin:
Uh, I'm your daddy. I'm not YOUR daddy. I'm your baby's daddy. I'm not your baby's daddy. I'm gonna be... I mean, I'm uh... uh...

Phil:
You're Marvin.

Crispin:
SHUTUP BUTTHEAD!

Charlie Hinton:
Shutup Butthead? I'm sure your mommy and Daddy don't like you talking like that. When your mommy comes to get you I'm going to tell her what you said.

Charlie Hinton:
OWWWW!

Charlie:
What's going on?

Phil:
Your worst nightmare.

Charlie:
What?

Phil:
Mr. Broccoli's a no-show.

Kim:
How was your day, baby?

Charlie:
I lost my J-O-B.

Kim:
You lost your J-O-B?

Charlie:
I got F-I-R-E-D. Me and 300 other people.

Kim:
They cannot do that.

[Miss Harridan reads a flyer for a fundraiser called "Rock for Daddy Day Care"]

Miss Harridan:
"Rock for Daddy Day Care. Help us finance our new permanent home." [put the flyer on her desk; to Jenny] Do you know what this means?

Jenny:
It's a chance to improve ourselves through a little healthy competition?

Miss Harridan:
[frustrated] No, you bubble-headed idiot. It's a death sentence. If they get their hands on a big enough space, they'll ruin me. They're selling fun. I can't compete with fun. [turns away in anger] I should've crushed them in the beginning when they were weak. It'll be harder now, but I have no choice. I've got to stop them.

Jenny:
How're you gonna do that?

[Miss Harridan turns back to Jenny and smiles cruelly]

Miss Harridan:
By any means necessary.

Becca:
We need more learning about things!

Charlie:
More learning about things?

Becca:
Yes. We're at a very critical age. You have to feed our minds!

Jamie's Mom [to Jamie]:
Who are you going to call if there's any problem? (gives her a phone)

Jamie:
911, Mommy.

Jamie's Mom:
Oh, such a good girl!

Charlie:
[walking into Chapman Academy] Look at this place. It's Princeton for preschoolers.

Charlie:
[while leading Miss Harridan into his house] Is there anything I can get you to drink? Coffee, tea, water, eye of newt?

Charlie:
Any boob can run a day-care center, but it takes a family to raise some kids and that's what we're gonna be from now on: a family.

Phil:
When The Carrot is done with you, you will be nothing but a kumquat!

Phil:
Let's get safety gate crazy.

Marvin:
THIS STUFF– IS NOT FOR SALE! [Throws down his magazine]

Marvin:
[After realizing that he has painted glue on his face instead of face paint] That's not paint! It's glue! [Screams in horror along with Jamie]