Damn Yankees!

Meg Boyd:
Is Washington winning dear?

Joe Boyd:
Noooo. Those damn Yankees.

Meg Boyd:
In Hannibal, they were always sayin' cool air was on its way from Canada.

Meg Boyd:
Now, my friends' sister and Doris, they like baseball... but they don't suffer so!

Joe Boyd:
One long ball hitter, that's what we need! I'd sell my soul for one long ball hitter.

Mr. Applegate:
With my help a lot of things come easy.

Mr. Applegate:
Ohhhh, uh, do you smoke?

Joe Boyd:
Hey... how'd you pull that off?

Mr. Applegate:
I'm handy with fire.

Mr. Applegate:
Wives! They cause me more trouble than the Methodist church.

Smokey:
Hey Linvy, what's a three letter word for "a sticky substance"?

Smokey:
Spit? No, that's four.

Rocky:
It's not that I'm dumb, Benny!

Van Buren:
Nobody said anything about your being dumb... exactly.

Van Buren:
You've gotta have heart all you really need is heart when the odds are sayin' you'll never win that's when the grin should start.

Van Buren:
We didn't invite the press this morning, Gloria.

Gloria Thorpe:
Aw Benny, you're very foolish to have this prejudice against me just because I'm a woman. My paper gives you as much space as the others do.

Van Buren:
I only wondered why you got here so early.

Gloria Thorpe:
I came down to see the naked men.

Gloria Thorpe:
Wait a minute, I got it! Shoeless Joe Hardy!

Mr. Applegate:
Uh, if you will permit me to say a word, I happen to represent the Hannibal Bugle. And I'm telling you right now that everybody in our little ol' town is just as proud as pumpkins of little ol' Joe!

Gloria Thorpe:
Well thank little ol' you, and thank little ol' Joe!

Reporter:
Do you think Washington will win the pennant?

Gloria Thorpe:
Yeah, when I swim the Channel.

Mr. Applegate:
Have a nice trip?

Lola:
Perfect. The plane crashed in Cleveland.

Mr. Applegate:
Good. Now about that job in Chicago.

Lola:
Just dandy. I got the old boy to embezzle 100,000 dollars and lost it for him at the race track. Then his wife left him and he took to drink. I told him I was through and he jumped out the window... twenty second story.

Mr. Applegate:
That's high enough, that's fine.

Lola:
I wanna try the Empire State Building on this next one.

Mr. Applegate:
I've got too much on my mind. I'm overworked.

Lola:
Oh, I know, poor dear. Elections coming up.

Mr. Applegate:
I've got thousands of Washington fans drooling under the illusion that the Senators are going to win the pennant!

Lola:
Aw Chief, that's awfully good! When they lose there'll be suicides and heart attacks and apoplexy... just like the good old days!

Lola:
I took the zing out of the King of Siam. / I took the starch out of the sails of the Prince of Wales. / It's no great art gettin' the heart of a man on a silver platter. / A little brains, a little talent with an emphasis on the latter!

Lola:
Joe, would you like to take Lola some place tonight?

Joe Hardy:
Gee, I - I sure would like to but, uh, you know what Mr. Van Buren would say.

Lola:
He'd say you lucky boy.

Joe Hardy:
No, no! He'd say it's late. He likes us to get to bed early.

Lola:
Any particular place?

Lola:
Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets / And little man, little Lola wants you!

Mr. Applegate:
You should have seen a real artist at work! You couldn't get him away from his wife, huh? Well I could!

Lola:
How? Is he crazy about you?

Mr. Applegate:
Well if you're referring to the rumor that in reality he is Shifty McCoy, I deny it emphatically.

Mr. Applegate:
Going a little far don't you think?

Lola:
What's the matter? Didn't ya like it?

Mr. Applegate:
I like it fine. Puff him up baby, I'll bring him down again.

Lola:
You'll what?

Mr. Applegate:
It's already started. Keep your eyes open, homewrecker. You'll find out who's got the pain in the mambo.

Mr. Applegate:
I see it all now! Ya doped me. But why? Why?

Lola:
Because I love him!

Great events bring forth great men