Dead Reckoning

Captain Warren 'Rip' Murdock:
You know, the trouble with women is they ask too many questions. They should spend all their time just being beautiful.

Coral 'Dusty' Chandler:
And let the men do the worrying.

Captain Warren 'Rip' Murdock:
Yeah. You know, I've been thinking: women ought to come capsule-sized, about four inches high. When a man goes out of an evening, he just puts her in his pocket and takes her along with him, and that way he knows exactly where she is. He gets to his favorite restaurant, he puts her on the table and lets her run around among the coffee cups while he swaps a few lies with his pals...

Coral 'Dusty' Chandler:
Why...

Captain Warren 'Rip' Murdock:
Without danger of interruption. And when it comes that time of the evening when he wants her full-sized and beautiful, he just waves his hand and there she is, full-sized.

Coral 'Dusty' Chandler:
Why, that's the most conceited statement I've ever heard.

Captain Warren 'Rip' Murdock:
But if she starts to interrupt, he just shrinks her back to pocket-size and puts her away.

Coral 'Dusty' Chandler:
I understand. What you're saying is: women are made to be loved.

Captain Warren 'Rip' Murdock:
Is THAT what I'm saying?

Coral 'Dusty' Chandler:
Yes, it's a confession. A woman may drive you out of your mind, but you wouldn't trust her, and because you couldn't put her in your pocket, you get all mixed up.

Captain Warren 'Rip' Murdock:
I'm the brass-knucks-in-the-teeth-to-dance-time type.

Coral 'Dusty' Chandler:
Oh, it's a blue, sick world, Rip.

Captain Warren 'Rip' Murdock:
You know, you do awful good. I came here to - but go ahead. Put Christmas in your eyes and keep your voice low. Tell me about paradise and all the things I'm missing. I haven't had a good laugh since before Johnny was murdered.

Captain Warren 'Rip' Murdock:
Say, when you get on again as a professor at some college, and I'm back running my cabs in St. Louis, send me up a problem in algebra once in a while, will you?

Sergeant Johnny Drake:
Blonde or brunette?

Captain Warren 'Rip' Murdock:
Redhead in a sloppy joe sweater.

Sergeant Johnny Drake:
I think you're a great guy, too, Rip, if that's what this conversation's about. Even in the U.S.A., this world.

Captain Warren 'Rip' Murdock:
Johnny, why don't you get rid of the grief you got for that blonde, whoever she is? Every mile we go, you sweat worse with the same pain. Didn't I tell you all females are the same with their faces washed?