Den Brother

Danny 'Goose' Gustavo:
What're you so happy about? We lost.

Alex Pearson:
Goose, hockey is not all about winning and losing. It's about challenging yourself to be the best you can be - and... and I played great. I... Uh, you're comin' along, too.

Alex Pearson:
[after the regular den mother resigns] Don't freak out. One of your mothers is gonna volunteer eventually.

Abigail:
My mom's a long-haul trucker. She's away a lot.

Ursula:
I have four brothers with self-control problems.

Alex Pearson:
I-I didn't say it was gonna be easy. I just said it can be done, but... Well, you're probably gonna have to guilt them into it, so... let's see your sad-faces.

[the girls look sad and simper]

Alex Pearson:
Those seem a little forced. Oh, no, no wait, wait... Everyone copy Rachel.

Rachel:
I wasn't doing it.

Mrs. Moffat:
Alex is going to stay with you until your parents show up.

Alex Pearson:
What? No, no, no. I have, like, a hundred cool things I gotta go do.

Alex Pearson:
[tossing the talking flower aside] Okay. New rule: the talking flower is now moot. There is no more talking flower. It's not even over there. Don't look.

Dina Reams:
With Mrs. Moffet gone, you do not exist.

Dina Reams:
No, I'm not going to argue with you, because I'm right.

Dina Reams:
And one last thing, Mrs. Zamboni - watch Alex Pearson closely. I don't trust him.

Alex Pearson:
[as Mrs. Zamboni] D-don't trust Alex? Why, that's absurd. The sweet lad is as honest as the day is long, or my name isn't Edna Mae Zamboni.

[Preparing Alex for his date, Emily approaches him with handfuls of creamy white hair product]

Alex Pearson:
Wha-what are you doing?

Emily Pearson:
We have to vamp your hair.

Alex Pearson:
You have to WHAT my hair?

Abigail:
[holding up a teen magazine] Look at this, Alex. See these cute boys? They are superstars, and they either play vampires on the screen or rock the vampire hair.

Mrs. Jacklitz:
Beautiful car, Alex.

Alex Pearson:
[startled] Mrs. Jacklitz - YOU have a very light footstep.

Mrs. Jacklitz:
Ninja.

Alex Pearson:
B-b-b-but don't the Bumble Bee Girls represent America? Uh, didn't... didn't the pilgrims come to this great nation so that King George couldn't tell them which mall they could or couldn't sell their cookie at? I-I move to say that Dina's mall monopoly is... is un-American.

Alex Pearson:
[as Mrs. Zamboni] Don't you just love this store?

Dina Reams:
I don't shop here.

Alex Pearson:
Oh, there's nothin' to be embarrassed about, dear. Big boned gals need pretty frocks, too.

Dina Reams:
[standing outside the dressing room door] Don't you feel that you should be out there with your Bees, making sure they're in uniform, things like that?

Alex Pearson:
[inside, as Mrs. Zamboni] Don't you think you should be out there with YOUR girls, dear? Maybe if you spent more time encouraging them and less time obsessing about us, uh, we won't be handing you your bottoms on a silver platter in this little cookie race, now would we?

Dina Reams:
You will be sorry you said that, Mrs. Zamboni.

Alex Pearson:
Just keepin' it real, dog, as the kids say.

Emily Pearson:
I smell a rat.

Rachel:
I had a rat. This smells way more like your brother.

Professor Pearson:
You want me to make your sister talk to you so you'll feel better because you let her down terribly.

Alex Pearson:
Well, when you say it like that, it doesn't sound too great but... yeah, could you?

Alex Pearson:
All right. I've-I've-I've done wrong and... and I deserve punishment. It's good to admit that. Let 'er rip, Dad. Any time now. Don't hold back. Fine. I'll start. "Alex, you are grounded for... for two weeks." No, that's too little. Four weeks. Six weeks. More?

Professor Pearson:
I'm not grounding you, Alex.

Alex Pearson:
Hard labor it is. Uh, I'll-I'll put up a new fence. I'll paint the house. I'll re-sod the lawn.

Professor Pearson:
I'm not going to punish you at all.

Alex Pearson:
What?

Professor Pearson:
If I punish you, when it was over you'd feel like you made up for it. Instead, I want you to feel the consequences of ruining things for Emily and her friends.

Alex Pearson:
[getting up from the floor of the ice rink] You know, Goose, when you first brought up the pressure offense, you failed to mention that I'd get crushed... a lot.

Danny 'Goose' Gustavo:
Did I? My bad. Sorry.

Alex Pearson:
You made it to THIS game? You-you didn't get to see me at my best.

Professor Pearson:
No, I'm pretty sure I did.