Denis Leary: Lock 'N Load

Denis:
Lord of the Dance? Who has the balls to call himself the Lord of anything? Last guy called himself Lord on this planet was crucified, Michael, okay? And we know where the hammer and the nails are.

Denis:
Is it impossible to get a cup of coffee-flavored coffee? You can get every other flavor except coffee-flavored coffee! They got mochachino, cappuchino, frappachino, Al Pacino, what the f***? www.what the f***.com!

Denis:
I have actually come to love Hanson, and I'll tell you why. Because they are gonna crash and burn so hard it's gonna be f***ing great!

Denis:
My foreign policy? F*** you! My domestic policy, F*** YOU!

Denis:
Another thing when I'm president? If you're in the army, the navy, any branch of the armed forces... you can f*** whoever you want!

Denis:
Don't buy the toys that make the noise!

Denis:
Behind the counter, another eighteen-year-old kid. Both ears-pierced. Both nostrils-pierced. Both eyebrows f***ing pierced! And his tongue is hanging out, you know why his tongue is hanging... cuz he has a six-inch steel stud imbedded in the middle of it! That's just one more thing for your dad to grab a hold of when he's pissed off at you.

Denis:
We have some fat f***ing people in this country, don't we?

Denis:
I know I'll never have a weight problem, you know why? First morning I wake up and can't see my dick? I STOP EATING!

Denis:
Oh yeah jerking off is like an aerobic thing for me now man, I'm 40, I do it everyday, I do it everyday. Hell, I've even gone beyond porno, I'm back to regular network t.v.

Denis:
I've good kids, I love my kids. I try to bring them up the right way, not spanking them. I find that I don't have to spank them. I find that waving the gun around pretty much gets the same job done!

Denis:
Wake the f*** up and smell the maple nut crunch!

Denis:
When I become president, all you a**holes that ride bikes in the city? Lock and load! You're going down!

Denis:
Marv, Marv, Marv. Marv, this is God, what the HELL were you thinking?

Denis:
And you can't smoke in any of this coffee places. Can't smoke at Starbucks, can't smoke in dunkin' doughnuts... I'm pretty sure coffee was invented by people who were smoking anyways. And they just wanted to invent something so they can stay up late and SMOKE F***IN' MORE! That's my theory. Just ask me or Columbo, he'll back me up on this one.

Denis:
Sin is in, and so we begin...