Detroit Rock City

Jam:
Hey what's up mom? I'm gonna ask you this nicely first. Can i have my drumsticks back?

Mrs. Bruce:
Your drumsticks are the least of your worries young man. You ran out on God! My son just ran out on God! You are in a world of...

Jam:
TROUBLE! I've been in trouble for the past 12 hours! HELLO? You know I'm going to be in St. Bernards Boarding School for the next 2 years. I'm gonna be out of your hair until I'm a legal adult! And then all YOU have to do is is light a candle, pray to some stupid little statue for me and all is forgiven and forgotten, right mom? Then you can spend your days in a guilt free pursuit of more constructive activities like telling people how screwed up their lives are. And then you no longer need the patience and understanding required to talk to your own son on some normal plain. And then that way you don't have to think about how tough it was for you when you were growing up and its a good thing too cause if you did, you'd realize what a lousy, goddam shitty-ass parent you are.

Mrs. Bruce:
Jeremiah what has gotten into you?

Jam:
I JUST LOST MY VIRGINITY IN A CONFESSIONAL BOOTH! LORD HAVE MERCY! Now for the last time, Mom, give me back my f***ing drumsticks... please.

Trip:
F***, it's Elvis!

Christine:
Hey, you know what? Disco's so f***ing big right now, I wouldn't be suprised if KISS did a disco song.

Lex:
Man, if there's one thing KISS will never do, it is a bullshit disco song.

Jam:
No sh*t man!

Trip:
Yeah man. Disco blows dogs for quarters man!

Trip:
Man, this is way better than the first time I got to finger a chick, man.

Hawk:
If the lesson is you're a dick with ears and a really bad haircut, yeah, I'd say I've learned my lesson.

Jam:
It's a teenage girl walking along the side of the highway. I mean, they, they, they make scary movies that start out like that.

Trip:
Hey, but, but they make porno movies that start out like that too, man.

Trip:
Hey!

Little Kid:
Sh*t! You just stole my last ball you...

Trip:
Scream and I'll kick your head off.

Lex:
Man I've never heard a girl blow ass before!

Lex:
Man, I was afraid some bullshit like this was gonna happen. If Jam misses Peter Criss' drum solo, he won't be able to continue with his f***ing life!

Hawk:
Lex! Quit Jynxing us man! No one is missing that consort tomorrow night!

Hawk:
Where are the tickets dude? I wanna hold on to them.

Jam:
umm, the tickets? There's a little, little problem with the tickets... they're still at my house in Trip's Jacket.

Hawk:
WHAT?

Trip:
Man, that is some sick sh*t right there, man.

Lex:
Dude, you know if she even smells those tickets she'll destroy them, and then we get f***ed out of seeing KISS for the third year in a row man!

Jam:
It's ok! They're perfectly safe at my house. We can go there right after school and pick them up. My mom's not even gonna be there.

Hawk:
Ok, Jam, we'll just double time it at your house, and then head to the train station for the 3:45 to DETROIT ROCK CITY! GOD! well, as they say in the Tampon biz, see you next period.

Lex:
Just because she's a female gynecologist, doesn't mean she's a lesbian. And even if she was, at least my mom didn't give birth to me while she was on LSD.

Trip:
'Shrooms!

Lex:
Mrs. Bruce is a psycho b*tch from Hell.

Jam:
She was standing right over me while I was changing for F*** sake. It's a give and take relationship.

Lex:
Yeah, she gives you sh*t and you take it...

Lex:
Take it easy man. This is the girls crapper, remember?

Trip:
Aw, wake up Lex! We just watched Jam's mom torch our f***ing KISS tickets man! Not REO Speedwagon, not Journey, not The Baycity Rollers. KISS, man! If you can think of a better reason to trash a girl's bathroom I'd sure like to hear it.

Hawk:
Only a bunch of Guidos and Stellas would ride your ass on a two lane highway and honk.

Lex:
You just upset the Incredible Hulk, his idiot half brother, and the two circus clowns.

Lex:
You know, your clothes may say disco, but your eyes say rock n' roll.

Christine:
Yeah? Well, your belt buckle may say rock n' roll, but your breath says pepperoni, baby.

Priest:
I've been giving that sermon for years and I never realised that its the work of some comedy mastermind. The Prodigal Son is a barrel of f***ing monkeys.

Hawk:
Hola Padre.

Priest:
Woah, I just heard you speak through my nose. Is it possible my nose has ear drums?... Nose drums!

Lex:
Thanks for your make-up supply. You must have the entire Revlon factory in your purse you greasy disco ball.