Dexter's Laboratory

Dee Dee:
Dexter, what's wrong?

Dexter:
I have no friends, and I am totally unpopular.

Dee Dee:
Duh.

Blue Falcon:
Dyno-mutt has been dealt a devastating blow.

Dexter:
Sheesh, no kidding.

Blue Falcon:
I'm extremely wealthy.

Dexter:
Quickly, to the laboratory!

[whenever his mother calls him]

Dexter:
What do you want, woman?

[repeated line]

Dee Dee:
Oooh! What does THAT button do?

Mandark:
Yes, Dexter, I can read your thoughts, and I am smarter than you.

Mandark:
Thank you, dark forces, oh, THANK YOU!

Mandark:
Gather round, all you mortals, and behold the fury that you cannot deny! And you won't be disappointed, either.

Mandark:
Ooh, ah... Ooh... ooh, ah... I have to beat Dexter, sworn enemy. Have to destroy Dexter's lab. If only Ducky could! Ooh, ah!

Mandark:
My name is Mandark and I am Dexter's rival. He and I have been competing in science and other things for years and this race is just one more of those things where we try to beat each other, except I try to win by being sneaky and bad! My plan this time is to sabotage the Mark 5, so it doesn'twork as good as it should, then when Dexter is racing he'll most likely crash up, leaving room for me to win!

Mandark:
Excellent! My sneaky ways have put me in the lead! I'd give myself a pat on the back, but I'm driving, so I'll have to do it later!

Mandark:
Say no more, Dexter, oh ye of little mind. I'll save the day and take all the glory!

Mandark:
In your dreams, you freaky little gnome

Mandark:
What do I have to do to be cool?

Mandark:
By human standards, I know a lot.

Mandark:
Blast you, Dexter! Now there's an idea... blast Dexter. Yes, blast Dexter!

Mandark:
Now open up, rampaging monster, and let the RAYS shine in!

Mandark:
This time has been duly noted and will be deducted from your salaries. Thank you!

Mandark:
You were almost late for work.

Mandark:
George, what do you say we cross the Delaware?

Dee Dee:
Dexter, wanna see my new dance?

Dexter:
No.

Dee Dee:
It's called "the fanciful unicorn".

Dexter:
Girl, I have seen better steps on a ladder.

Dee Dee:
Oh, yeah? Like you know any dances, Dexter. [Dexter turns on a boombox; techno music plays]

Dexter:
[doing the robot dance] Yes, it is called "the robot".

Dee Dee:
Word.

Dexter:
So what kind of stuff do you like?

Girl:
Oh, I like peace, quiet, and especially solitude!

Dexter:
We'll call you!

Mandark:
[eating cereal] Chew-chew-chew, chew-chew-chew-chew-chew

Dexter:
Omlette du fromage.

Dexter:
Dee Dee, how long have known each other? Our whole lives, you say? No, in truth? Never? Or should I say, you never knew me? Because if you did, you would know I am a soul who requires peace, quiet and, most importantly, solitude. But every day, that solitude is inevitably broken by *you*. [Dee Dee looks on nervously] Which is why I called you here. Now, I know these are tough times and a dollar does not go as far as it used to, but it is time to take stock, a time for responsibility, a time for change, for as the lab grows, so do my expectations, which, quite frankly, you're not living up to, which is why I have made this tough but firm decision. Dee Dee, you're fired.

Dee Dee:
[screaming] *WHAT*!

[She is yelling and ranting at Dexter, while he simply pushes a button and a robot kicks her out of the lab and his room and down the hall and into her room]

Dee Dee:
How dare you kick me out! I'm gonna report you! I'll have your badge! I'll show you! You haven't heard the last from *Dee Dee*!

Dexter:
[laughing] Dee Dee, I heard this great joke! Okay, here it goes: A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!" [He breaks into hysterical laughter, while Dee Dee is unimpressed]

Dexter:
You fool! Mothers do not get sick; they take care of the sickly!

Dexter:
Cooking? Cleaning? These are not the things a little boy knows how to dooooooo!

Dee Dee:
[last lines] Hey Dexter, Mom says keep it down. [sees Dexter naked] Mom! Dexter's mooning me!

Krunk:
Krunk scared! Krunk never been inside before!

Major Glory:
You're a Justice Friend, Krunk! And Teddy doesn't pay a third of the rent!

Major Glory:
Gird your loins, Krunk, for we know not what awaits us in... the Lair of the Rock God!

Krunk:
Wow... much bigger than Krunk's!

Major Glory:
That's why he pays extra.

Valhallen:
Like, I have the power!

Dee Dee:
[seeing Dexter with a beard] That is one rugged brother.

Mee Mee, Lee Lee:
[in unison] Shut your mouth!

Dee Dee:
I'm only talking about Dexter.

Mee Mee, Lee Lee:
We can dig it.

[a group of smugglers are smuggling flour]

Fois Gras:
Gentlemen, we are about to make a lot of bread.

Smuggler:
I can't wait to be rolling in that dough!

Dee Dee:
That is one rugged brother...

Mee Mee/Lee Lee:
Shut your mouth!

Dee Dee:
I'm only talkin' 'bout Dexter.

Mee Mee/Lee Lee:
We can dig it.

Valhallen:
[to the viewer] You see, kids, dentists are your friends. And if you ignore your friends, you could wind up in serious pain. Right, Major Glory?

Major Glory:
[in the middle of being agonizingly operated on] Uh-huh...

Dexter:
You are stupid! You are stupid! Oh, and don't forget, you are STUPID!

Mandark:
Please, sir, call me... MANDARK!

Mandark:
Please, oh please, set me up on a date with that golden-haired angel who graces our undeserving school with her infinite beauty!

Dexter's Concience #1:
No way! You don't owe that jerk any favors!

Dexter's Concience #2:
That's right! He made you shut down your lab!

Dexter's Concience #3:
He's right!

Dexter's Concience #4:
Yeah!

Dexter's Concience #5:
And besides, Dee Dee is hyper and uncontrollable, and she might wreck Mandark's Labor...

[Dexter and his conciences all develop an evil grin]

Mandark:
So, Dee Dee... I heard from a very reliable source that you... like... to... DANCE!

[Major Glory runs from a bee, smack into Krunk]

Krunk:
Awww, Krunk love Flag Man too!

Major Glory:
KRUNK! NO! Honey attracts bees!

Krunk:
[eating honey] Honey don't attract bees. Honey attract bears!

[hysterical]

Val Hallen:
There's a bee in my hair! There's a bee in my hair! There's a bee in my pristine locks! Dude, you gotta get it out!

[Major Glory and Val Halen collide with each other]

Major Glory:
Val Halen, speak to me! Speak to me, boy! No! NOO! The life of a comrade has been taken!

Val Hallen:
Uh, actually I'm okay...

Major Glory:
[oblivious] I shall avenge you! [throws Val Halen's body away]

Krunk:
Krunk not afraid of scary bee! Krunk smash!

Krunk:
Krunk go potty?

Major Glory:
You are a Justice Friend, Krunk! You'll hold it!

[only words spoken in "DiM"]

Dee Dee:
You know they're all going to go out eventually.

Dexter:
I know...

Krunk:
Krunk loves the way She-Thing's eyes bulge when She-Thing screams... huh?

She-Thing:
[off to jail] Will Krunk write to She-Thing?

Krunk:
I don't know writing.

She-Thing:
Doesn't matter. She-Thing doesn't know reading.

Major Glory:
Don't worry, Krunk, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.

Krunk:
Krunk don't like fish!

Valhallen:
Well, at least you still got us.

Krunk:
Krunk suddenly craving sea bass...

Hawk:
[singing] Your brain is a creative computer/ All the answers in life are for you to find/ Use your brain as a creative computer/ And you will see the light/ Mother Nature and Father Time both rule the world together/ But if you take just a little time/ Prove them wrong and throw them out the window/ You are the one to make it happen/ You are the one to make all dreams come true! Your brain is a creative computer/ It's the nucleus of every man-made invention of today/ If you use it, then don't abuse it/ The universe is yours!

Dexter:
Dee Dee! I'm confused...

Dee Dee:
Good!

Val Hallen:
Let's crash at my house. Thou shalt love my roommates. [White Tiger snarls]

Val Hallen:
Huh? No, we don't have any fish.

Krunk:
Got milk?

Krunk:
[disguised as a mouse] Squeak, squeak, am helpless little mouse, squeak, squeak...

Dee Dee:
[reading slowly] "Retxed?" What are you, an idiot? That's not your name!

Dexter:
It's backwards, dummy!

Japanese Teacher:
Oh dear! It seems your missiles are headed straight for Mt. Fujiyashiami, the very mountain that contains this demon, Badaxtra, a monster mutated by atomic science gone wrong, who is sealed away under the Earth by the daring and brilliant scientists of the 60's, but now I fear your missiles will surely awaken him and invite his terrible wrath!

Mandark:
All hail Mandark, the genius! All hail Mandark, the genius! Sing a song of Mandark, the greatest genius this world has ever known!

[Dexter has turned himself a little bird to gain access to Dee Dee's treehouse]

Dexter:
[noticing a big red lever] Oh, puh-lease! Who does she think she is with this lever, me? [reads a sign next to the lever] "Do Not Pull"? Do not pull, my beak!

Dee Dee:
Uh, Dexter? Sorry to wake you...

Dexter:
You mean like you did the last 20 times?

Dee Dee:
Well, I went into your lab, see? And I pushed a button...

Dexter:
Oh, you mean like you did the last 20 MILLION times?

Dexter:
[Yelling at DeeDee after she annoys him] SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!

[Sarcastically]

Dexter:
So, you want to what my ingenious invention is, do you?

DeeDee:
[Winks at him] You know it, bro.

Dexter:
It is GREAT, that's what it is!

[Demonstrating his newest invention]

Dexter:
This machine has the ability to remove and contain the most annoying personality trait known to man; rudeness.

[Presenting the device, smiling]

Dexter:
Behold... THE RUDE REMOVAL SYSTEM!

Rude Dexter:
[the rude Dexter and DeeDee emerge from the tube] Where the f**k are we?

Rude Dee Dee:
Beats the s**t out of me.

Dexter:
Why you're in Dexter's laboratory silly, I'm Dexter and this golden haired angel behind me is my charming sister Dee Dee.

DeeDee:
[does a curtsy] Charmed.

Rude Dexter:
Ah f**k off!

Dexter, DeeDee:
[Shocked] Oh dear!

Dexter:
Excuse me sir, but we think that was very rude and we are in want of an apology.

[the rude twin prepares to punch him]

Rude Dexter:
Here's your f***ing apology!

Mom:
[Calling from the other room] Kids lunchtime!

Rude Dexter:
[Rude Dexter drops polite Dexter] Lunch time! I'm f***ing starved!

Rude Dee Dee:
[searching through the cupboards] Where's the f**king candy?

Rude Dexter:
[a thrown can hits him] Hey f**king watch where you're throwing that s**t!

Rude Dee Dee:
[Pretends to apologize] Okay, I will!

[Dee Dee hits him with another can]

Rude Dexter:
[Angry] Food fight!

Mom:
[Gives Rude Dexter some food] So Dexter what do you think?

Rude Dexter:
[Spits it in her face] I think it tastes like s**t!

[Mom faints]

Rude Dexter:
I gots to find me some real f**king food!

[Leaves to raid the refrigerator]

Mom:
Now I'm going to get a bar of soap to wash out your filthy little mouths and when I get back, I want to see this place SPOTLESS!

Dexter:
Let me explain this: Dee-Dee, minus Rude, equals: Happy Dexter.

Mom:
So, how does it taste?

Rude Dexter:
I think it tastes like s - -.

Rude Dexter:
Yeah. We're gonna go - -- your room.

Mom:
From now on, you two go to your rooms FOREVER!

Rude Dexter:
Hey, You're suppose to do all the work because you're suppose to be a good mom and I'm the one who makes my own rules. So get to work. So long, toots.

Mom:
Now it's time to clean those filthy mouths.

Dexter:
Awwww s...

Dee Dee:
Sassy? What are your dreams?

Sasquatch:
WAH!

[Dexter is hiding in a bathroom stall two boys are washing their hands]

Dexter:
[Talking about his bad day] Why isn't anything coming out right?

[The boys look at the stall dexter is in]

Dexter:
Why is this so hard?

[The boys look at each other in a disgusted look and leave the bathroom]

Dexter:
If only I could reverse this.

Dexter:
[after transforming into a clown and disrupting a date between a French-accent man and a woman on a park bench] Don't look up! Don't look down! Don't blink an eye! Watch a birdy fly! 'Cause here comes the *CLOWN*!

Therapist:
How does Dee Dee feel?

Dexter:
[Disguised as Dee Dee] Duh, Dee Dee do feel dumb! Yeah, oh! Dee Dee dumb! Dee Dee dumb! Dee Dee dumb!

Mandark:
I AM GONNA GET RID OF DEXTER a.k.a. DUMB SILLY POOPY TURD HEAD!

Dee Dee:
I'm Dee Dee, Dexter's older sister who two years ago crashed up in the volcano mountain race and was never heard from again except I was heard from again it's just that my dad likes to exaggerate and he got mad because I broke his car and he wouldn't let me race again except I had to race again it was in my blood so sometimes I stow away in my brother's trunk so I can be close to the action and sometimes I secretly race under the disguise of Racer D but I shouldn't have told you that... I've got a monkey!

Major Glory:
Now, Dexter, prepare to meet someone more powerful than I.

Dexter:
Who is that?

Major Glory:
My attorney.

Ratman:
[about the superhero career] How much does it pay?

Major Glory:
Well, it's standard wages for superhero crimefighting, plus a health, dental...

Ratman:
Hmmm...

Major Glory:
...and vision plan.

Ratman:
Cool!

[going home to watch TV]

Krunk:
TV, Puppet Pals! TV, Puppet Pals! Lots of fun, for guys and gals!

[Major Glory stares at the door to an apartment; Val Halen joins him]

Val Halen:
Uh... what're we doing?

Major Glory:
We're waiting for you to open the door! I forgot my key.

Val Halen:
Aw, that's okay, buddy... [They hear Krunk approaching]

Krunk:
TV, Puppet Pals! TV, Puppet Pals! Lots of fun, for guys and gals! [Both Friends are frightened, Val Halen quickly checks for his key]

Major Glory:
Oh, no! He's coming!... He's nearly here! Oh, I can't watch!

Val Halen:
I got it!

Major Glory:
Good! [Krunk, still singing, breaks down the door]

Krunk:
Krunk home!

Major Glory, Val Halen:
[smashed beneath the door] Hi, Krunk.

[Major Glory and Val Halen's fight smashes the TV, which Krunk was watching]

Krunk:
[towering above the two] Krunk want Puppet Pals.

Major Glory:
Hey, Puppet Pal Val Halen, do you know what time it is?

Val Halen:
I do not know, Puppet Pal Major Glory, what time is it?

Major Glory:
Why, it's BONK time! [hits Val Halen across the head with his guitar, Krunk laughs]

Dee Dee:
[about Charlie the Chupacabra] If you invented him to scare me, then why is he chasing goats?

Dexter:
I never said he was a COMPLETELY successful experiment.

Dad:
Dexter, I am your father.

Dexter:
[Gasp] That's not possible! Oh wait, no, you are right.

Dexter:
I don't want to be a pickle.

Mee Mee:
It's a bad beat I can bug out to!

Major Glory:
Justice Friends, ASSEMBLE! [no one appears]

Major Glory:
Justice Friends assemble! [no one appears]

Major Glory:
Justice Friends... assemble, assemble, assemble!

Valhallen:
[on a sofa] There's no need to scream, Major Glory, we're right here!

Krunk:
You block TV!

Major Glory:
It is imperative that you two be in tip-top shape!

Valhallen:
For what?

Major Glory:
We are about to face the greatest challenge ever put before us!... my uncle is coming to visit on Saturday.

Major Glory:
You don't understand. Uncle Sam won't tolerate imperfection! It all started when I was but a wee Minor Glory, and my dear Uncle Sam took me under his wing... [flashback to a young Major Glory]

Uncle Sam:
I want you to be the greatest American hero that ever lived!

Major Glory:
Yes, Uncle Sam!

Uncle Sam:
Now give me five hundred laps around the world, and don't forget to salute!

Major Glory:
Yes, sir! [takes off]

Krunk:
You want Krunk to smash?

Valhallen:
Wait until his uncle leaves...

Major Glory:
Uncle Sam should be here any minute... Justice Friends, ASSEMBLE! Viking god of rock, and future baseball hall-of-famer, VAL HALEN! [Val Halen, dressed as a baseball player, performs a home run slide]

Valhallen:
I think I got a raspberry!

Major Glory:
The world's mightiest mortal, and CEO of his own amalgamated stock investment firm, INFRAGGABLE KRUNK! [Krunk, dressed as a finance manager, crashes through the door]

Krunk:
[on phone] Have report on Krunk's desk by nine o'clock tomorrow, or Krunk SMASH!

Major Glory:
No, no, no, a thousand times NO! Val Halen, you're supposed to slide head first! And Krunk, that tie does NOT go with that shirt! Now, we are going to go over it again, and Again, and AGAIN, until we get it right! Comprende? [Val Halen and Krunk glare at Major Glory]

Major Glory:
Something wrong?... Perhaps, I've pushed you too hard... [Val Halen and Krunk tackle Major Glory and a fight starts]

[a hippie draped in red/white/blue enters the flat]

Major Glory:
Uncle Sam? What's happened to you?

Uncle Sam:
Doctor's orders, nephew. Told me I was too high-strung, told me to loosen up. And I feel great. [looks around]

Uncle Sam:
Hey, I love obliviated pad, man. These your roommates? High five, dude.

Valhallen:
All right!

Krunk:
Five! [Major Glory faints]

Uncle Sam:
That's the spirit, nephew. You just gotta chill.