Diary of the Dead

Looter:
What the f*** are you doing here?

Jason:
What the f*** are you doing here?

Looter:
[holding TV] I'm just stealing sh*t. But you... what's a guy with a video camera doing in the women's dorm, huh?

[last lines]

Debra:
Jason once said he thought he could help, maybe even save some lives. This is the last thing he downloaded before he died: a couple of hometown Joes who went out to shoot at targets. But that day, they used people. Dead people. You know, just for fun? There was one target that was different from the rest. A woman... tied by her hair to the branch of a tree. The boys had this one set up just for kicks. They got out their favorite 12 gauge and...

[zombie's head is blown in half]

Debra:
Are we worth saving? You tell me.

[first lines]

Police Officer:
628 Tremont. 6-2-8. Three dead. No, just the usual. F***. Usual. It's no big deal these days, right?

Police Officer:
F***ing shoots his wife and kid, and then eats the licorice. Sticks it in his mouth and blows his own brains out.

Brody:
Can't get close enough for an Emmy.

Brie:
Screw the Emmy. I'd settle for a f***ing paycheck.

Brody:
Story of my life.

Brody:
This can't be f***ing happening!

Debra:
[voiceover] We made a film - the one I'm going to show you now. Actually, Jason was the one who wanted to make it. Like that cameraman from Channel 10, he wanted to upload it so that people, you, could be told the truth. The film was shot with a Panasonic HDX-900 and an HBX-200. I did the final cut on Jason's laptop. I've added music occasionally for effect, hoping to scare you. You see, in addition to trying to tell you the truth, I am hoping to scare you so that maybe you'll wake up. Maybe you won't make any of the same mistakes that we made. Anyway, here it is, Jason Creed's The Death of Death.

Jason:
[to Ridley, who's playing a mummy] How many times have I told you? Dead things don't move fast. You're a corpse, for Christ's sakes. If you run that fast, your ankles are gonna snap off.

Tracy Thurman:
Can somebody please explain to me why girls in scary movies always have to, like, fall down and lose their shoes and sh*t? It's totally lame. And why do we always have to get our dresses torn off?

Ridley Wilmott:
Actually, I'm looking forward to that part.

Jason:
The camera can see. And what the camera sees, the audience will see.

Tony Ravello:
What f***ing audience?

Jason:
There's always an audience for horror; believable horror. But who's gonna believe a mummy if his makeup's all unglued?

Tony Ravello:
Who's gonna believe a mummy in the first place?

Debra:
Jason always wanted to be a documentary filmmaker. But for his senior class project, he decided to try to make a horror film. That's what he was shooting on that first night, the night when... everything changed.

Tony Ravello:
Stupid f***ing mummy movie.

Andrew Maxwell:
With an underlying threat of social satire.

Andrew Maxwell:
The problem doesn't seem to be that people are waking up dead, but that dead people are waking up.

Eliot Stone:
[after Ridley drives off with Francine] F***in' mummies get all the girls.

Debra:
[voiceover] It's funny. You spend so much time resenting your parents, separating yourself, building your own life. But as soon as the sh*t hits the fan, the only place you want to go is home.

Debra:
What is this about, Jason?

Jason:
I don't know. I just... If this turns out to be a big thing, I just want to record it, okay?

Jason:
Say your name.

Debra:
Jason, if you don't know my name by now, then get your clothes out of my closet, okay?

Debra:
I'm just trying to get home too, okay? Like Mary. And I'm wondering why my boyfriend has a camera plastered to his face.

Jason:
Say who you are, Eliot.

Eliot Stone:
You just did. I'm Eliot.

Jason:
Tell us more.

Eliot Stone:
Eliot Stone, Harrisburg, PA. And I'm here with you fine people because... I don't know... I'd like to get home, too. It's on the way. I'm hoping you'll be so kind as to drop me off.

Gordo Thorsen:
Gordo Thorson, Danville, Pennsylvania.

Tracy Thurman:
Tracy Thurman. We're, uh... we're together.

Gordo Thorsen:
[hugging Tracy] Forever.

Tracy Thurman:
Uh, yeah. We'll see.

Tracy Thurman:
Don't mess with Texas!

Mary Dexter:
[approaching Zombie Trooper] It's a cop. A state trooper.

Gordo Thorsen:
How do you know that?

Mary Dexter:
Oh, his hat. His hat... his stupid looking hat.

Jason:
[after running over three zombies] Mary, how do you feel about what just happened?

Mary Dexter:
[sobbing] How do you think I feel?

Debra:
[to Mary] They were already dead, okay? You didn't do anything wrong.

Tony Ravello:
Listen to me, unless you're Jesus f***ing Christ, you don't stand up and walk around after you're dead!

Andrew Maxwell:
[referring to flask] I'm running low. I'd like to make it to a state store before they all shut their doors forever. God, there's a terrible thought. A world where a gentleman can't buy a bottle of bourbon.

Tracy Thurman:
This is our fault. For panicking, for turning this into...

Gordo Thorsen:
Into what?

Tony Ravello:
Into something it's not. Into something more than this is. This is all just bullshit!

Tony Ravello:
[yelling into abandoned hospital] Hello! We're not dead!

Jason:
F***. Battery's almost dead.

Tracy Thurman:
Yeah, that's not all.

Jason:
[as a zombie approaches] Shoot him in the head!

Debra:
[recording Jason] Tell us your name.

Jason:
Uh...

Debra:
Say it.

Jason:
Deb, come on.

Debra:
Say it.

Jason:
Give me a break. Jay... Jason. Jason Creed.

Debra:
You see how it feels to have a camera shoved in your face? To have to answer stupid questions when people are dying all around you? You see how it feels?

Debra:
[to Jason] If it didn't happen on camera, it's like it didn't happen, right?

Andrew Maxwell:
There will always be people like you, wanting to document, wanting to record some sort of diary.

Jason:
Me? You're the one who put the camera in my hands. You're the one who made me want to do this.

Andrew Maxwell:
Not this. This is a diary of cruelty. And in wartime, when the enemy can be marked as this son of a b*tch or that son of a b*tch, then cruelty... becomes justified.

Andrew Maxwell:
You're stuttering, Mr. Creed. Don't try to speak, just shoot. Shoot your picture. Shoot for as long as your hard drive holds out. As long as you have power.

Andrew Maxwell:
[handing gun to Tony] Take this. It's too easy to use.

Debra:
[voice-over] It's interesting how quickly we find out what we're capable of becoming. Up until that night, we had lived predictable lives. Now... we would never be able to predict what might happen next. God had changed the rules on us. And surprisingly, we were playing along.

Debra:
[handing camera away] Take this. It's too easy to use.

Debra:
[voiceover] Jason was compelled. I had never seen him like that before. What is it? What gets into our heads when we see something horrible? A horrible accident on the highway. Something keeps us from just driving on. Something holds us. But we don't stop to help. We stop to look.

Newsreader:
Lock yourself inside! Don't trust anyone, not even those you love.

Samuel:
[writing on blackboard after blowing up zombies] I'm Samuel. Hello.

Newsreader:
They are monsters, monsters who prey on the flesh of the living.

Newsreader:
We've come here concerned about people crossing the border into our country. But that's not the problem anymore. The problem now is all those creatures crossing the border between life and death.

Stranger:
What the hell's with that camera anyway?

Jason:
Uh, home movies.

Stranger:
Who's gonna be left to watch?

Tony Ravello:
What's with you all? How come you stuck around?

Stranger:
'Cause we got the power. For the first time in our lives, we got the power 'cause everybody else left. All the folks without suntans.

Tony Ravello:
They'll be back, right? The Army? The National Guard? Somebody's gotta put all this sh*t back together.

Stranger:
[laughing] The National Guard. Kid, I'm in the National Guard.

Stranger:
Anything worth anything under one roof.

Debra:
It's called looting.

Stranger:
No, ma'am. It's called doing what you gotta do.

Police Chief:
These attacks were carried out by a bunch of illegal immigrants who were mistakenly pronounced dead before the attacks took place. The only time they were dead was when my guys shot 'em.

Debra:
[voiceover] The media were lying to us, or the government was lying to them. They were trying to make it seem like everything was gonna be all right.

Jason:
All over the world, people learning how to survive by seeing how we've managed to survive.

Stranger:
One of my men had a bad heart. He died. Thing is we don't know where he went.

Jason:
F***. $100,000 education, I can't find my way out of a f***ing warehouse.

Asian Woman:
Don't bury dead. First shoot in head.

Debra:
Technology is terrific, Eliot, except when it doesn't work.

Debra:
[voiceover] The more voices there are, the more spin there is. The truth becomes that much harder to find. In the end it's all just noise.

Eliot Stone:
[to Debra] I want to meet your little brother. Maybe he has a playstation.

Andrew Maxwell:
I'd like to meet your father. Maybe he has a bar.

Colonel:
[to Jason] Turn it the f*** off.

[points gun barrel directly at the camera lense]

Colonel:
Now.

Debra:
Everyone who dies, unless they get a bullet in the head, is gonna come back and try to kill someone else.

Andrew Maxwell:
[upon seeing Ridley's mansion] It's like what god might have built, if only he had the money.

Tracy Thurman:
I can't do this anymore. Every time we walk in somewhere, somebody dies.

Debra:
Or somebody's already dead. It's gonna be the same everywhere we go.

Ridley Wilmott:
Something tells me you're gonna be here for a while.

Jason:
[to Ridley] See? I told you dead things move slow!

Jason:
All that's left is to record what's happening for whoever remains when it's over.

Jason:
[handing Debra camera] Shoot me.

Jason:
Hi, my name is Jay... Jason Creed, and I have been given the opportunity, given the gift to be able to document the events that have suddenly landed in my lap. And I just want to let you guys know, the audience know, that I'm gonna do my best to capture the truth with me and my friends. There's gonna be no fakeness. I'm gonna go after everything. Really raw, really real. And I'm going to do the best job I can. And I'm just really excited to be given this opportunity. And I am not going to f*** it up.

Andrew Maxwell:
Morning approaches.

Debra:
Things always look better in the morning.

Andrew Maxwell:
Not to me. Mornings bring light. I prefer the darkness. It's easier to hide in the dark.

Tony Ravello:
You know, Professor? I actually get the... the mornings. They show you for what you are, instead of what you think you are.

Andrew Maxwell:
Inelegantly phrased, Mr. Ravello, but accurately put. Mornings... and mirrors. I despise them. Mornings and mirrors only serve to terrify old men.

SWAT Team Member:
Don't shoot him in the head, shoot him in the heart. Let him f***in' wake up dead.