Dirty Girl

Principal Mulray:
[to Danielle] Nobody likes a dirty girl.

Ray:
After your mother and I are married, I'm going to adopt you.

Danielle:
The *hell* you are!

Danielle:
Sometimes you got to accept what life throws at you to find out what you're made of.

Danielle:
[about naming their sack of flour] I'm thinking "Joan", like Joan Jett.

Clarke:
Or Crawford. That's nice.

Danielle:
Is there some sort of special gene that makes you say "Crawford" when I say "Joan"?

[from trailer]

Danielle:
I've heard it said, this here's a man's world. And some girls believe it - primping and fussing and hoping a boy will look her way. If it's a man's world, God wouldn't have made *me*.

Mr. Potter:
[to class] The only safe sex is *no* sex. Unless you stay busy, get some hobbies, and practice abstinence, you could end up asking, "Was the momentary thrill really worth it?" What are some healthy alternatives? Tonya?

Tonya:
You could have a pizza party!

Mr. Potter:
Right on. Who doesn't love pizza? Anyone else?

Danielle:
[Puts up hand] What are your thoughts on the pull-out method?

Mrs. Hatcher:
Today we are going to start a project that will teach us parenthood is no joke.

Mrs. Hatcher:
[to pregnant student] Right Sabrina? Yeah. Nobody's laughing at her house.

Peggy:
This is incredibly embarrassing, but I have reason to believe that my son has run off with your daughter.

Clarke:
You ever try magic fingers?

Danielle:
Mister, you don't know who you're dealing with!

Sue-Ann:
I'm a shitty mother.

Peggy:
Join the club.

Danielle:
I'm glad your back.

Clarke:
I don't know, I kind of miss that place

Danielle:
Shut up!

Clarke:
A school with no girls, I was *very* popular.

Danielle:
[Smiling] You f***ing whore! Remember, "nobody likes a dirty girl"!

Danielle:
[Writing as Joan, the sack of flour] Dear diary, daddy had to leave as daddy's sometimes do, he left so the dreams of our families could come true, but mommy will soldier on, cause that's what mommy's do.

Ray:
We don't want you cast into outer darkness.

Danielle:
How's that different from any other day?

[first lines]

Danielle:
I've heard it said that this here... this here's a man's world. And some girls, they believe it. Primpin' and fussin' and holdin' out, hoping a boy will look her way. They don't know they got the power. As for me... I'm not that kind of girl. I'm on top. Which begs the question... if the girl's on top, well... who's the one getting screwed?... So if it's a man's world, God wouldn't have made me.

Danielle:
What do you want?

Clarke:
Uh, we're partners.

Danielle:
No offense, but my designated is, as of this morning, no longer designated.

Clarke:
I don't know what that means.

Danielle:
It's Danielle's three D's of dating: Discriminate, designate, and dump, and since the unfortunate dumping of Brad, due to his lack of sanitary respect, Im on to the next. And quite frankly, as a dick smoker, you don't qualify. [Walks away]

Clarke:
...But we're married.

Danielle:
Nobody wants one of your sad, instant cookies, Sue-Ann!

Sue-Ann:
You said you liked these.

Danielle:
I said I liked the dough.

Principal Mulray:
Your classmates are impressionable, Miss Edmonston. Your ears might be used to that kind of talk, but most of these kids come from good families. You have any positive males in your life? A pastor or a neighbor or an uncle...

Danielle:
It's none of your business.

Principal Mulray:
You're an exasperating girl, Miss Edmonston. According to Mr. Potter, you spoke quite explicitly about male projectile.

Danielle:
It's a sex education class.

Principal Mulray:
Lifestyle choices.

Clarke:
Poor Joan. She only has one grandpa, and he's a total dick.

Joseph:
You and I had a deal, didn't we? Seems to me you're not holding up your end of the bargain, though, you copy me? Clarke? Do you copy me? You know what that makes you? It makes you a welcher. The only thing worse than being a gay is being a welcher.

Clarke:
I'm not no gay.

Joseph:
Yeah, who am I supposed to believe? A 15-year-old welcher, or a qualified medical physician?

Clarke:
He's a chiropractor.

Joseph:
He's got experience.

Danielle:
What are you doing?

Clarke:
Nothing.

Danielle:
You're hitting on me, and I do not appreciate it.

Clarke:
I have discriminated, and I have designated.

Danielle:
What the f***? I thought you were a f*ggot.

Clarke:
Only 65 percent.

Danielle:
Huh?

Clarke:
My therapist showed me this chart. It says that I'm 35 percent hetero. And if I can get that up to 60 percent, my parents won't send me to military school.

Principal Mulray:
I'm putting you in Challengers.

Danielle:
Special Ed?

Principal Mulray:
Challengers.

Danielle:
That's for retards.

Principal Mulray:
It's either that or expulsion. Miss Pierce will give you your new schedule.

Danielle:
What is there to know? It's one room in the basement, all the time.

Bobby:
You're that girl, ain't you?

Danielle:
Yep, I'm that girl.

Bobby:
You know what I heard about you?

Danielle:
Don't believe everything you hear. Unless it's really good. Then it's true.

Danielle:
Meet Joan. So named for the irrepressible lead singer of the Blackhearts.

Clarke:
And the alcoholic, child-abusing movie star.

Clarke:
If you spill that, my dad'll kill me.

Danielle:
Baby... you came out of the closet, stole his car and took off with the class whore. You're the definition of dead.

Danielle:
[about the sack of flour "Joan"] You've gotta be more careful with her. How would you like to be dropped on your head?

Clarke:
I have been dropped on my head. Daddy says Mama dropped me, and that's what accounts for my feminine ways.

Danielle:
You trying to make Joan a lesbian?

Officer Perry:
Breaking and entering, was that really necessary? I mean, couldn't you have just called? That would've been the neighborly thing to do.

Joseph:
I got an at-risk kid. And he is at risk.

Danielle:
Did you tell your parents where we are? I swear to God, if you did, Clarke, I will pull this car over and kick your ass out!

Clarke:
You are running toward something, Danielle. I am just running away.

Danielle:
Well, ain't that poetic?

Danielle:
My daddy's credit card is financing this little adventure of yours. You have not even said, "Thank you".

Danielle:
[Slightly taken aback] Some things go without saying.

Clarke:
Then I guess it goes without saying that you are the neatest person that I have ever met! And I am not afraid no more when I'm around you, 'cause you are cooler than I will ever be. And It also goes without saying that I would never tell on you!

Danielle:
[pause] I promise I'll find a way to thank you.

Danielle:
[as "Joan"] Dear Diary, New Mexico is brown and flat. Mom does most of the driving, because she thinks that Dad goes too slow. Daddy is happy, being a man and all, just navigating. He is a most excellent map reader. With the division of labor so neatly divided and both of them willing to stay in their designated roles, I'm convinced that I have the happiest family there ever was.

Danielle:
[Writing as Joan, after Clarke invites Joel to ride with them] Dear Diary, it turns out that Daddy is a big, fat whore. I'm a lucky girl that I'm learning such valuable lessons about the true nature of men.

Danielle:
You dance for tips, right? That's why you got all them singles.

Joel:
It's my art. If people want to give me money for my art, that just makes me a professional artist.

Danielle:
Right, you're a stripper.

Joel:
Erotic entertainer.

Danielle:
Stripper.

Joel:
My daddy took off when I was little.

Clarke:
Like Dani's.

Danielle:
Mine took off before I was born, so I win.

Joel:
Are we competing?

Danielle:
I'm just saying, I probably had it worse.

Joel:
You know what it's like then, don't you? That crazy thing when you look for him everywhere. Anytime you're in a crowd, there's a chance, so you... walk around a little straighter, hoping to look your best, just in case. Looking everywhere for somebody who don't want to be found.

Clarke:
They're gay, Dani!

Danielle:
What?

Clarke:
They're gay.

Danielle:
...But they're so ugly.

Danielle:
[Writing as Joan, the sack of flour] Dear Diary, I am super excited about our family vacation. I'm only a week old and already I'm seeing all the great sights of this great land. It is said that most American families don't spend enough quality time together. My family is different.

Danielle:
[Writing as Joan, the sack of flour] Dear Diary, this world is full of dipshits. But guess what? Mommy got a fairy-tale ending. Because Daddy? Daddy came back.