Disaster Movie

[upon seeing a taxi cab turn a corner]

Enchanted Princess:
And what magical creature are you?

[gets hit by the taxi]

Juney:
Time to get this sea monkey plastered.

Will:
You're taking Jo-Jo?

Juney:
I think my water's gonna break!

McLover:
I am McLover! I am McLover!

Enchanted Princess:
[preparing to dance] Stop pressuring me!

Batman:
Hi.

Enchanted Princess:
Hi!

Batman:
I'm Batman.

Enchanted Princess:
[deep voice] I'm Enchanted Princess!

[Will dreams he is a Jumper. He jumps and is impaled by Prince Caspian's sword]

Prince Caspian:
It's the guy who ruined Star Wars.

Wolf:
[after getting hit in the groin] Ohh! They're so small anyways! From steroids!

Juney:
I know this is 'An Inconvenient Truth', but it's global warming!

[repeated line]

Beowulf:
I am Beowulf!

Wolf:
[after knocking out Will in Will's dream] AROOOOOH! You just got WOLFED! [Will looks confused] That is my official trademark catchphrase that I got from the web! Let me tell you, there's still a lot of stuff to do out there. Lot of loops you gotta jump through. You gotta go on the INTERNET! You gotta go to some stupid ass website where you can register your catchphrase. I wanted BAM, but Emeril already took it.

Emergency Broadcaster:
We are now getting reports that asteroids are falling out of the sky, and... and a Pinkberry has just been destroyed!

[the previously-calm party suddenly erupts into chaos]

[first lines]

Will:
[after falling face-first into a pile of feces in his dream] Oh, sh*t.

Male Carrie:
Oh, my God. Hannah Montana is really Miley Cyrus.

Enchanted Princess:
Well, duh. No sh*t, Sherlock. All I do is wear a wig and change my voice a little bit and those dumb kids can't tell the difference. Then I get twice the pay and twice the merchandise. Just a reminder, my new CD comes out. Miley Cyrus: Underage. it's available in stores now. Featuring songs from my dad, Billy Ray. Only 9.95.

Kid:
Hey, Hancock. Hancock? We need help. Wake up, you drunk motherf***er. Get your punk ass up, fly down there, and fix that sh*t.

[Hancock slaps kid away]

Kid:
A**hole!

Male Carrie:
[thinking] And so I thought: Could a simple New York City gal like me really beat the sh*t out of a pregnant teenager? I wonder.

Juney:
Like Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV, I must break you.

Calvin:
Man, you messed sh*t up with Amy. You're lucky a girl like that would even talk to you. She's hot, sexy. She got a job. Man, that girl out of your league.

Will:
She's not out of my league.

Calvin:
Sh*t, she gotta put up with your stank breath. Not to mention your abnormally high plumber's crack.

Juney:
Let me guess, an evil witch banished you from your fairy tale kingdom.

Enchanted Princess:
No, my silly, pasty, quirky teen. Actually, I'm just a demented homeless chick who lives in the sewers.

Will:
How'd you end up there?

Enchanted Princess:
Drugs. Lots and lots snd lots of mind-altering, enchanting, DRUGS!

Will:
[singing] I'm f***ing Matt Damon.

Amy:
You're f***ing Matt Damon?

[singing]

Amy:
Well I'm f***ing Hannah Montana!

Hannah Montana:
[singing] She's f***ing Hannah Montana! Backstage, at my concert, f***s me on my parents' bed! After school, at my locker, in the car I give her head! I'm also f***ing the Flava!

Flava-Flav Look-A-Like:
[singing] Yeah, it's Flava-Flav, foo'! You know what time it is, 'cause I'm f***ing Juney too!

Juney:
[singing] Yeah, I know, but it's true: Flava-Flav, he f***s me too.

Michael Cera Look-A-Like:
[singing] And I swap with Calvin, and he swaps with that dude.

All:
And we're all f***ing Hellboy!

Amy:
[as she is leaving Wills sweet sixteen party] You know what will, every time we made love I was thinking about another guy!

Will:
Well so was I!

Enchanted Princess:
[singing] My dear prince, you have rescued me you have caught me in your arms...

Calvin:
[singing] Actually you landed on my balls!

Enchanted Princess:
[Upon turning and her puffy sleeve catching her face] [screams] Oh it's just my sleeve. [Lightly laughs]

Enchanted Princess:
[Upon turning into her other sleeve] [screams] Oh there must be a mirror some where.

Enchanted Princess:
Where am I? What is this enchanting place? [gets hit by a taxi]

Beautiful Assassin:
You can control the bullet to go wherever you want.

Paulie Bleeker:
[singing] Juney, why don't you have... [Calvin shoots him; the crowd gasps]

Amy Winehouse:
You don't want to mess with a girl straight outta rehab!

Calvin:
Is that the best you got, p*ssy?!

Iron Man:
I am Iron Man! (gets hit by a falling cow)

Carrie Bradshaw:
That your feet?

Juney:
Yes. And this is my baby's foot.

Hancock:
Aw, hell, no. I'm outta here.