Disturbing Behavior

U.V.:
Appropriate sparks are flying, somebody cue the power ballad.

Dorian Newberry:
Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone.

Rachel Wagner:
Sounds razor.

Gavin Strick:
Look at him, he's killing his hard-on.

Gavin Strick:
Mr. Newberry here has got the full-on Boo Radley, village idiot, Quasimoto thing going, don't you Mr. Newb?

Rachel Wagner:
Who put the acid in my Spam?

Allen Clark:
Don't worry about the snakes in your garden when you've got spiders in your bed.

Lorna Longley:
Bad wrong, wrong bad, bad wrong, wrong bad.

Lorna Longley:
I have to go home. I've got a big physics test tomorrow.

Chug Roman:
Will you go out with me?

Rachel Wagner:
No.

Chug Roman:
WHY NOT?

Steve Clark:
Tell me, Shannon, do you get yelled at when you talk about your dead grandfather?

Steve Clark:
'Cause around here, people go crazy if you talk about a dead brother.

Betty Caldicott:
Meet the musical little creatures that hide among the flowers.

Rachel:
Gavin thinks some sinister force has taken over the Cradle Bay meatheads.

Steve:
A sinister force?

Rachel:
You know, evil. Nowhere to turn, no one to trust, altogether ooky.

Steve Clark:
I had no idea the evil was this pervasive.

U.V.:
Wait man, what's the capital of North Dakota?

Steve Clark:
How the f*** should I know?

U.V.:
All right. You're still okay.

U.V.:
I bet you didn't know toast came in 3 flavors.

Dorian Newberry:
Do good things, lunch boy.

Steve:
Be the ball.

U.V.:
I've got like, two customers left! If this keeps up, I'm going to be the 7-11 guy!

Steve Clark:
Don't do this! Maybe they can be helped!

Dorian Newberry:
No they can't. And neither can I.

Dorian Newberry:
Evening Officer!

Officer Cox the BIG Rat:
What are you doing?

Dorian Newberry:
Oh, I'm getting rid of rats!

Gavin Strick:
Hello, Lorna. How are you doing today, my dear?

Lorna Longley:
Drop dead.

Gavin Strick:
Contact.

Gavin:
It's a class system here at CB High, Stevie Boy. Check it out. [points to the car enthusiast students] There, you've got your motor heads, car jocks, all the world's a gasket and a lube job and a pack of Lucky's. Music of choice: Posi-traction overdrive, classic rock, Skynyrd, The Allmans, Bruce. Drug of choice: Beer, Miller Genuine Draft. Keggers can't be choosers.

UV:
Freaks that fix leaks.

Gavin:
[points to the nerdy students] Over here you have your microgeeks... nerds, whiz kids and various other bottom feeders. Music of choice: The sound of an Apple PC booting up. Drug of choice: Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time"... and a cup of jasmine tea on a Saturday night.

UV:
Freaks that go squeak.

Gavin:
[points to the hippie students] Over there you have your skaters. Riffin', raging kids and their ramp tramps. Baggy pants, Dickie wools, doing 50-50 grinds... with a gnarly grab finish on a homemade half-pipe in the woods. Music of choice: The whack of a hackysack. Drug of choice: Ecstasy, E-tab, baby; longer lovin' through science.

UV:
Freaks in sneaks.

Gavin:
Here's where it gets really... nasty. [points to the Blue Ribbons] Lorna runs with that group over there, the Blue Ribbons.

Steve:
What's that?

Gavin:
Community group. Good kids. Have car washes and bake sales and kiss a lot of adult sphincter.

U.V.:
Blue Robots.

Gavin:
Hear, hear. Those three guys are Cradle Bay's answer to Manson, McVeigh and O.J.: Trent Whalen, Andy Effkin, Robby Stewart.

UV:
Hey, I bet you didn't know that toast came in three flavors.

Gavin:
Music of choice: the hum of perfection, the buzz of ambition. Drug of choice: life, the pursuit of clean living at the expense of all who sniffle at the hem of their gowns.

UV:
Freaks so chic.

Gavin:
The you've got kids like me and UV here, those who like their metal heavy, their Marlboro's light. Music of choice...

Gavin and UV:
"Harvester of sorrow, language of the mad."

Gavin:
Drug of choice: what have you got?

UV:
Freaks all week!

[Bell rings]

Gavin:
That's it. Lesson over. Class dismembered. Welcome to Cradle Bay High, Stevie Boy. Welcome to my nightmare.

Gavin:
Rachel, this is Stevie Boy-good man. Stevie Boy, this is Rachel-Cooks Ridge trash.

Rachel:
[disgusted] Bite me.

Gavin:
Hello Charles, cycle any anabolic goodies lately?

Chug:
You're funny, Strick.

Gavin:
Thanks, I'm here all week.

Chug:
[to Rachel] Anyways Rachel, there's a couple of us guys going to the Yogurt Shoppe later if you wanna come by...

Gavin:
The Yogurt Shoppe? Yeah! [to Steve] You wanna make an "active culture" joke here, Stevie Boy, or should I handle this one?

Steve:
[after seeing Chug in a fight] What was that about?

Rachel:
Toxic jock syndrome.

Gavin:
No, it is not bullshit, and it wasn't steroids!

Rachel:
[annoyed] Here we go...

Steve:
What?

Rachel:
Gavin thinks some sinister force has taken over the Cradle Bay meatheads.

Gavin:
No, you know what it is! You know!

Steve:
A sinister force?

Rachel:
You know, evil. Nowhere to turn, no one to trust, altogether ooky.

Gavin:
Mr. Newberry here has got the full-on Boo Radley, village idiot, Quasimoto thing going, don't you Mr. Newb?

Dorian:
What?

Gavin:
And he's currently involved in a war against the rodent population of Cradle Bay.

Dickie Atkinson the Mechanic:
You had friends in Chicago?

Steve:
[awkwardly] Yeah.

Lorna:
You can have friends here.

Gavin:
Look at this place: the Yogurt Shoppe... the Yogurt "Shop-e". What the f*** is a "Shop-e"?

Randi:
Why don't you make like a tree and leave?

Gavin:
Clever girl.

Chug:
Will you go out with me?

Rachel:
[laughs] You're kidding, right? [seriously] No, Chug, I won't.

Chug:
WHY NOT?!

Rachel:
Just tell me you have a really razor plan?

Steve:
I am making this sh*t up as I go.

Dorian:
Evening, Officer!

Officer Cox:
What are you doing?

Dorian:
Oh, I'm getting rid of rats! The pink-eyed vermin can't see for spit!

[after Steve begs for the family to head back to Chicago, Dr. Caldicott steps inside the Clark house]

Dr. Caldicott:
Steven, you are home. Cradle Bay is where you belong, here with your family.

Steve:
[realizing he's been betrayed by his mother and father] You signed me up for the program?

Cynthia:
We want what's best for you.

Steve:
[screaming] What about what I want??!!

Dr. Caldicott:
Steven, do you really like the way you feel?

Steve:
Oh, shut the f*** up! [to his parents] You sold me out.

Cynthia:
No, we didn't! We just want you back!

Nathan:
Steven, please...

Steve:
[shouting] "Steve!" My name is "Steve", OK?! Nobody calls me "Steven" except for them!

[U.V. isn't sure if Steve Clark is now one of the Blue Ribbons]

U.V.:
Hey, man, not so fast! What's the capital of North Dakota?

Steve:
How the f*** should I know?

U.V.:
All right, you're cool.

Steve:
What're you doing?

Dorian:
We can't very well let these shitbirds go off and graduate into the world, can we?

Steve:
Maybe they can be helped!

Dorian:
No, they can't... And neither can I! [shows the gunshot wound to his stomach] Do good things, lunch boy.

Steve:
It's over, you son of a b*tch. It's finished.

Dr. Caldicott:
"Finished"? There'll always be other towns. Other troubled teens. Other troubled parents. Science is God!

[U.V. shoots Gavin to prevent him from shooting Rachel and Steve]

Gavin:
[falls to the ground, bleeding] Three times? You had to shoot me three times?

U.V.:
[voice breaking] Sorry, man.

Gavin:
Wow. I get to say to my twisted family... I guess this diminishes my chances of ever meeting Trent Reznor...Wow, I guess I'm finally coming around... Note: This was a deleted scene.

Rachel:
What happened?

Steve:
We're the only ones left.

Rachel:
So what do we do now?

Steve:
We go home.

Rachel:
Where's that?

Steve:
Wherever. Wherever we are.

Gavin Strick:
The Yogurt Shoppe, Yogurt Shop-e, what the f***'s a Shop-e?

Gavin Strick:
[sees Andy Effkin being talked to by police] Andy Effkin toasts with the most.

Gavin Strick:
[Blue Ribbons circle around Steve] Ice Ice Baby.

Gavin Strick:
It's not like you think. It's a whole new kind of cool. Everything's beautiful, man.

Steve Clark:
[shouts] You signed me up for the program?

Dorian Newberry:
(after throwing Steve out of the boiler room) Wait! You like Kurt Vonnegut?

Dorian Newberry:
You'd be surprised how interesting people become when they think you're really stupid!

Dorian Newberry:
I'm getting rid of rats.

Lorna Longley:
Treat yourself.

U.V.:
Denial ain't just a river in Italy, bud!

Andy Effkin:
[snaps Mary Joe's neck] Slut.

Dr. Caldicott:
Science is God!

"Go forward"

"Be the ball"

"Toast with the most!"

"I bet you didn't know toast comes in three flavors"

"You'd be surprised at how interesting people become when they think you're really stupid"