Doctor Who: Dreamland

Cassie Rice:
Did you mean what you said back there? You're not... human?

The Doctor:
Human, Timelord... It's all an accident of of dimensional geography, really.

Cassie Rice:
Hey, are you British or something?

The Doctor:
Something, that's me! Definitely.

Soldiers:
Our orders are to take you with us.

The Doctor:
And whose orders are those, then?

Soldiers:
Colonel Stark, sir.

The Doctor:
Colonel Stark?... And who's that, then?

The Doctor:
Sorry I can't salute, but I seem to be strapped to a table.

[the Doctor unlocks Cassie from her table]

Cassie Rice:
Great, but we're still trapped.

The Doctor:
Ha, I love 1958. No one's seen Die Hard. Or Alien. Nor Die Hard 2. Or Aliens. Or Die Hard 3.

Jimmy Stalkingwolf:
Doc, what are you talking about?

[Doctor points to ventilation shaft]

The Doctor:
Of course there's a way out! There always is! Apart from in Star Wars, of course.

The Doctor:
Are you gonna stop calling me Doc? I'm the *Doctor*, all right? And you're not Bugs Bunny.

Jimmy Stalkingwolf:
Who gave you the stripes? I mean, you're not even American.

The Doctor:
Well, come to that, I'm not even human.

[alarms go off]

The Doctor:
Bah. Someone's just noticed we've escaped, so whichever way you're running, I'd start... now!

[as they escape up the elevator]

Cassie Rice:
What if there are more soldiers waiting for us up top?

The Doctor:
Charm Offensive!

Jimmy Stalkingwolf:
What does that mean?

[they arrive at the top, where soldiers are indeed waiting for them]

The Doctor:
It means put your hands up, and smile.

Cassie Rice:
A real live flying saucer...

The Doctor:
Yeah. Fancy taking her for a spin?

Cassie Rice:
Can you really fly this?

The Doctor:
Well... sort of.

Lord Azlok:
You are not of this world. I hear two hearts beating.

The Doctor:
Then note their rhythm. I'm not scared of you.

The Doctor:
I don't think she's amused. I have this effect on royalty.

The Doctor:
Hello again! I don't think we got properly introduced back at the diner. You are?

Mister Dread:
Mister Dread. [gesturing to his companions] These are my associates...

The Doctor:
No, no! Let me guess. Mister Fear, Mister Terror, and Mister Apprehension. The Alliance of Shades mop-up teams never were much good at mingling.

The Doctor:
What an unexpected displeasure.

The Doctor:
Aww, that's the trouble with robots. You can never be sure you've shut them down. Twist a few wires together and they're anybody's.

The Doctor:
Quickly! I've got a plan!

[the Doctor and Saruba Velak jump into a crate; the Doctor closes the lid]

Saruba Velak:
This is your plan?

The Doctor:
It's in development.

The Doctor:
Always count your steps, Saruba Velak. You never know when you might need to escape in a box.

The Doctor:
[of the TARDIS] She might have a few trillion light years on the clock, the chameleon circuit doesn't work, and the temporal sat-nav is always on the blink. But! Do you know what? She has got the meanest sound system in the universe.

Lord Azlok:
Your day will come, Doctor!

The Doctor:
Yeahhh. So they say.

The Doctor:
Oh come on! I thought the 50s were supposed be a time about optimism. I mean you think you're going to have flying cars in another ten years.

Cassie Rice:
Yeah, sure if the Reds don't nuke us first.

The Doctor:
The Reds, Manchester United? Oh, the Russians! The Soviet Union. I wouldn't worry about them, they're as scared of a nuclear war as you are.

Cassie Rice:
What if there's more soldiers waiting for us on top?

The Doctor:
Charm offensive.

Jimmy Stalkingwolf:
What's that mean?

[the three arrive on the top floor and are met with soliders]

The Doctor:
It means you put your hands up and smile.

The Doctor:
Lord Azlok - what an unexpected displeasure!

The Doctor:
[Serubu and the Doctor are running from the Skorpius Flies when the Doctor spots an open crate] I have a plan! [the Doctor places Serubu in the crate and climbs in, before closing the lid, leaving them in complete darkness]

Seruba Velak:
[Whispering] This is your plan?

The Doctor:
[Whispering] It's in development!

[Cassie and Jimmy have collected the Tardis, and are driving away, when Cassie looks behind them]

Cassie Rice:
The whole town! They just - tore it apart!

Jimmy Stalkingwolf:
We have to concentrate on getting this box back to the Doc - without running into any more bugs!

Cassie Rice:
What's the deal with the blue box?

The Doctor:
See for yourself.

[Pushes the door open so the four of them can enter]

Jimmy Stalkingwolf:
Holy smokes!

Lord Azlok:
[Dragging Jimmy into the TARDIS] Trigger the devices and he dies!

The Doctor:
I'm not going to destroy the Viperox hoard - I can't!

Lord Azlok:
Because you're weak!

The Doctor:
Because you're an evolving species!

Lord Azlok:
[the Doctor has revealed that the Viperox will evolve into a peace loving race] This is madness!

The Doctor:
And this, Lord Azlok, is my ship! She may have a few trillion light-years on the clock, the chameleon circut doesn't work and the temporal Sat-Nav is always on the blink, but do you know what? - She has the meanest sound system in the Universe!

The Doctor:
As I said, the Viperox will change, and I hope you will too - The Russians are nice people - and so are some aliens!

Colonel Stark:
I guess I'm going to have to trust you people to keep quite about this!

Cassie Rice:
Aw, what's the matter - did the Viperox smash your mind wipe chamber?

Colonel Stark:
Go to hell, you overfed roach!

Saruba Velak:
Your plan is to escape like a snail? How do we see where we're going?

The Doctor:
Who needs to see! Didn't you count your steps on the way in? 84 steps ahead, turn left. 102 steps turn right. 62 steps, and we're at the door! Always count your steps, Seruba Velak. You never know when you might need to escape in a box...

The Doctor:
Some men are born great, others have crates thrust upon them!