Don't Go Near the Water

Lt. Ross Pendleton:
[describing the running of the grunion] During this time of the year the slippery little creatures come up on the beach, stop, spawn, then go out to sea again.

Lt. Alice Tomlen:
Sounds like some naval officers I know.

Ens. Tyson:
You know, she knows darn well that little piece of black lace is showin' up above her shirt.

Lt. Ross Pendleton:
You know what she is? A sadist. I know these black underwear kind of women.

Adm. Junius Boatwright:
Oddballs and freaks, that's what they are. The whole blasted public relations.

Adm. Junius Boatwright:
Get this ship under way and haul down those... those... bloomers!

Gordon Ripwell:
You're taking good care of me, kid! Went to Harvard, didn't you, Junior?

Ens. Tyson:
Princeton.

Gordon Ripwell:
Six of one, half a dozen of the other! They're both pantywaist factories. I never go within spittin' distance of a college myself.

Lt. J.G. Max Siegel:
[sotto voce] I sensed that.

Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash:
Correspondence Liaison Officer, any report on Admiral Boatwright?

Lt. J.G. Max Siegel:
Yes, sir. He refused to grant the 'Time' and 'Newsweek' interviews.

Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash:
The admiral's one of those old-fashioned naval types who seems to believe that the Navy is merely a collection of ships.

Lt. J.G. Max Siegel:
Remarkable attitude.

Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash:
Isn't it! What did he say, exactly?

Lt. J.G. Max Siegel:
Well, he said that the, uh, Public Relations outfit was a, uh, collection of oddballs and freaks.

Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash:
Doesn't he realize our importance? The invaluable contribution that we're making?

Lt. J.G. Max Siegel:
Well, I'm afraid not, sir. As a matter of fact he suggested we load all the correspondents and public relations oddballs on one ship and steer that one ship right into the middle of Tokyo Bay. 'Cause he figures this would drive the enemy nuts and get the war over one year earlier.

Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash:
Very funny.

Lt. J.G. Max Siegel:
Well, I thought it was kinda' funny, sir.

Lt. Alice Tomlen:
Good evening, lieutenant.

Lt. Ross Pendleton:
Hey, you look ravishing! What's that perfume?

Janie:
[butting in] Carbolic acid. She just scrubbed the operating room.

Lt. Alice Tomlen:
[chuckles] Janie's incurably romantic.