Don't Just Lie There, Say Something!

Insp. Ruff:
Well, well well, it seems the bird has flown, eh? So, we've got a right lot of names for our adress book. Take them down, sergeant. Oh, Charlie, no phone numbers, eh?

Police sergeant:
No, sir.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
[on a public phone] Ah, hello, Birdie, this is your Cockie here, safely back in who's little nest?

Lady 'Birdie' Mannering-Brown:
If you mean: did I get home safely, the answer is yes.

Insp. Ruff:
I'm sorry, Miss, thought the place was empty. Inspector Ruff, p'lice.

Jean:
Why?

Insp. Ruff:
Why? It's a good steady job.

Jean:
Well, that inspector's gone. The're still not sure it was you at that orgy, so I suppose I'd better go out and buy you a false moustache. I suppose you don't recall how you lost that, either?

Jean:
Well, I went into the cloakroom, with a... a girl, when the police raid came I panicked and had it off in 10 seconds flat.

Jean:
What?

Barry Ovis:
My moustache, with a razor, so as not to be recognized.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
My God, but you're beautiful... You are beautiful.

Giselle Parkyn:
You only just noticed that?

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
No, no, the first time I set eyes on you, it was love at first sight, Jeanette.

Giselle Parkyn:
Giselle.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
What's in a name?

Giselle Parkyn:
Nothing, sir.

Giselle Parkyn:
Is something the matter?

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
Yeah, I slipped a disc. Now don't panic.

Giselle Parkyn:
I'm not.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
All I need is a sharp blow, there, with the side of the hand. A karate chop.

Giselle Parkyn:
This is going to be a swinging evening.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
Don't swing too hard. A short sharp blow is best.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
[Searching for his pajama trousers in bed] Who's pinched my bottoms?

Giselle Parkyn:
I have.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
[catching Ruff and Giselle in bed together] Inspector Ruff, Mavis!

Giselle Parkyn:
Monica.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
I'm so shocked, I shall forget my own name, next.

Insp. Ruff:
Take me to a cup of coffe.

Police sergeant:
Right Sir. If you don't mind my saying so, sir, Your flies are undone.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
I'm a sick man.

Wendy:
You're not dying? [presses his face to her bosom]

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
Oh, I need some mountain air.

Wendy:
Aah!

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
I thought I'd, eh nose around the Himalayas.

Barry Ovis:
[Barry burst in through the door] Hurry up! Please don't make a meal of it.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
Now get some clothes on, quickly.

Barry Ovis:
I haven't any. I moved them all yesterday back to my own flat. And I lost my wedding suit at that... eh... party.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
He'll lose his birthday suit, next.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
What are you staring at?

Barry Ovis:
You. I'm shatterd at your behaviour.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
Knickers.

Barry Ovis:
That's all you think of.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
Bringing two girls to the same flat in one night for immoral purporses. I'm not even married yet and I'd die rather than bring one. The mind boggles.

Barry Ovis:
Oh f... boggle off.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
If the detective finds you here, we may be in trouble, but so are you. You get a long stretch for kidnapping and blackmail, so get under the bed.

Angie:
But I'm allways under the bed.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
Well play your cards right, you could work your way up.

Insp. Ruff:
You were a long time answering the doorbell, sir.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
I did'nt hear it the first four times.

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
[Inspector Ruff is chasing Barry through the house] That way.

Insp. Ruff:
Really? Then I'm going back this way. [runs back in the direction he came from]

Sir William Mannering-Brown:
Damn. He plays poker.