Dr. Heckyl and Mr. Hype

[first lines]

Dr. Henry Heckyl:
I don't have to see the fear in their eyes, I can feel them cringing. I can feel them shrinking from my face. My one and only, old, unfortunate face. What they never see is the beauty behind my eyes. They only see the colors.

Dr. Henry Heckyl:
Mine is a face that spoils a sunny day. Luckily I don't need tan.

Dr. Henry Heckyl:
If only they knew me, they would love me. But they don't know me. They don't. So screw 'em!

Dr. Henry Heckyl:
I'm afraid the transplant will have to wait until we can find a donor with two right feet.

Dr. Henry Heckyl:
First of all I'm going to give you a shot of zilophob. It will help suppress the pain I'm going to have to put you through.

Lt. Mack Druck - 'Il Topo':
I don't feel pain, I'm a cop.

Mr. Hype:
She's dead. [whimpering] And I'm still a virgin.

Mr. Hype:
I want you to be absolutely honest.

Liza Rowne:
I don't think I've ever tried that.

Dr. Henry Heckyl:
[scaring away yet another girl] I could have taken her to a movie. To a Chinese restaurant. To a water bed motel.

Lt. Mack Druck - 'Il Topo':
Did he have one red eye, one green eye, hair like it was taken off a Halloween mask, and a nose like a half-eaten carrot?

Mrs. Quivel:
Yes. He's laying on my bed, making disgusting noises.

Lt. Mack Druck - 'Il Topo':
That's no monster, that's my podiatrist.

Bad William:
[new cellmate] I'm Bad William. You free to stay, long as you don't step on my shadow, which is bigger than *you*.

Miss Finebum:
Let's face it, we're probably immortal.

Lt. Mack Druck - 'Il Topo':
Why don't you shoot each other and find out.

Mr. Hype:
You get in my way again, squid brain, and you'll wish your mother had strangled you at birth.

Lt. Mack Druck - 'Il Topo':
She tried.

[last lines]

Dr. Henry Heckyl:
Now we're dead, and I'm still a virgin.