Dragon Ball

Krillin:
Slow down! You know if I lose my grip on you I'll fall through this cloud!

Goku:
Well if you would stop thinking bad thoughts then it wouldn't be a problem!

Krillin:
Fat chance.

Goku:
Hey Krillin look, do you think Master Roshi would like that lady over there?

Krillin:
You mean I have to look down? Goku that's a man!

Goku:
Really? How can you tell? Gosh, they all look pretty much the same to me.

Krillin:
Huh? You're joking, right? I mean you really can't tell the difference?

Goku:
Well, usually I can figure it out. I just have to touch them first.

Krillin:
Hmm? In case you couldn't tell, I'm a boy.

Goku:
Oh!

Goku:
Well, this blows.

[regarding Goku taking on the Red Ribbon Army]

Woman:
Goku, you must listen to me. Do you have any idea what you're up against?

Goku:
Sure. Scumbags.

Commander Silver:
What have you got in here?

Goku:
None of your business.

Commander Silver:
Okay then I'll give you one last chance give me that dragon ball.

Goku:
No. I need those dragon balls.

Goku:
You'll regret it if you make me come up there.

Red Ribbon Solider:
Okay.

Chi-Chi:
Goku, wedding is not a food.

Colonel Silver:
Good afternoon! You'll have to excuse the temper of my men; they've been traveling all day and it's left them a bit... irritable.

General White:
But if that's how you feel, I'll be glued to my monitor watching as you are reduced to nothing but a pile of those little chicken bones that you put in salt!

Ninja Murasaki:
You weren't supposed to dodge that!

Advisor Black:
Maybe... he'll call back...!

Anonymous RRA Soldier:
So then an accountant tells me they'll have to take it out of my next pay check and I'm just like, "Wait a minute, man! The ribbon should come *with* the uniform! Free! End of discussion!"

Anonymous RRA Soldier #2:
At least you didn't let him walk on ya. [pause] A Dragonball just hit your head!

Anonymous RRA Soldier:
...Huh?

General Blue:
This boy has laid waste to two of our best regiments and I will not be the third! He may possess some skill, but there is one thing I know for certain and that is... nothing lasts forever!

Colonel Silver:
It's here somewhere, buried in all this crap! Think very carefully, the next word you say could determine the quality of the rest of your life.

Colonel Silver:
I'll ask the questions here. Now tell me, what do you want with the Dragonballs, and how did you manage to find so easily what my entire *army* could not?

General White:
So the traitorous, poorly-constructed machine asks like a big-shot. Who made you? Who was it that brought you back to this world as a cyborg after you had died once before? Just exactly who? Say it!

Cyborg #8:
It was you, General White.

Yamcha:
We've now reached cruising altitude.

Oolong:
This trip is as far from a cruise as you can get.

Bulma:
I don't know why we even bothered to bring him. All he does is think about himself!

Oolong:
Why risk my life? Gimme one good reason!

Yamcha:
You're going. It's not up for discussion!

Krillin:
Did I hear you say Goku's on his way to the Red Ribbon compound? By himself?

Master Roshi:
Yup. That's right.

Krillin:
What in the world was he thinking?

Bulma:
He's obviously not thinking!

Oolong:
You can say that again.

Bulma:
Yamcha?

Yamcha:
Huh?

Bulma:
[sternly] Don't think this means that i'm not mad at you anymore, but this is an emergency. So we can bury the hatchet for now - but just for now!

Yamcha:
[nervously, after what happened the last time they saw each other] Uh, okay, Bulma. We'll talk everything out later when we have plenty of time.

Oolong:
[cynically] If we make it to later!

Emperor Pilaf:
I want to have the world--

Oolong:
[cuts him] The world's most comfortable pair of ultra-soft underwear!!

[after Oolong made his wish to save everyone]

Yamcha:
I think that little pervert just saved the world!

Bulma:
Maybe he's not such a coward after all!

[after Yamcha sees Chi-Chi]

Yamcha:
[nervously] Listen, this is all just a misunderstanding!

Bulma:
[angrily enunciates] Enlighten us.

Yamcha:
Bulma, please! It's not what you're thinking! When I met her, she was just a little girl. She was cute in a sisterly sort of way! She looks nothing like the beautiful woman she is today, honest!

[Bulma boils in fury for not being told about this]

Yamcha:
[aghast] Oops, I shouldn't have said that.

Chi-Chi:
Goku, wedding is not a food!

Goku:
[to Chi Chi] Sometimes my brain doesn't know what my mouth is saying. Good thing my heart does... will you marry me?

Senbe Norimaki:
There's nothing to worry about, my boy. Senbei Norimaki put the "possible" in "impossible."

Goku:
Wow. How'd he do that?

General Blue:
[to Goku] When will you ever learn that there's nothing you possess which I cannot take away!

General Blue:
[to Senbei] You've been very passive thus far. Do yourself a favor and don't mess it up now.

[spotting Goku and Arale]

General Blue:
What? The kid, and the girl too! Why can't anything ever be easy?

[Bulma opens the capsule to reveal several porno magazines coming out as one lands on Goku]

Goku:
Gosh, how sad. These girls must be poor. They can't afford clothes.

Bulma:
[angrily loses it] Those girls are not poor, kid!!

Goku:
They're not.

Bulma:
No, sir, now give me that!

[Bulma snatches the magazine from Goku]

Bulma:
[furiously] Isn't there a man on this whole planet with a shred of decency?! Men...are...*animals*!

[Bulma shred up every magazine angrily]

Bulma:
What do you think of my new dress?

Launch:
It's absolutely stunning!

Master Roshi:
It certainly fits in all the right places! Is that cashmere? Let me feel.

Goku:
Bulma, what happened? I-It looks like your lips are bleeding!

Bulma:
No, it's called lipstick you moron!

Bulma:
Oolong, don't you just love Yamcha's ponytail?

Oolong:
Huh? Uhh... Why? What do I look like? A hairdresser?

Yamcha:
[sees that Goku's tail is gone for the last time] Goku, what happened to your tail?

Goku:
Huh? Oh, that? I got rid of it. You see, it turned out that the moon could be restored if I lost my tail. So that's what I decided to do.

[Yamcha and Krillin go blank but looks at each other and laughs knowing that are still keeping this secret from him]

Krillin:
[jokingly] Did you ever find it again?

Invisible Man:
[after being beat by Yamcha, waves a white flag] I quit. Mama was right--I'm not cut out for show business!

[Bulma angrily hits Krillin over the head for sliding off her top]

Bulma:
[furiously, takes Krillin by the shirt] Normally, I deplore violence--but in your case I'll make an exception!!

Krillin:
I understand you're upset, but there's one thing you must know: I love you!

Bulma:
[hits him on the head] Ugh!

Master Roshi:
[holds his bloody nose] Boy, you've got some nerve for pulling a stunt like that!

Krillin:
[in guilt] Forgive me, master, I was just only trying to help Yamcha.

Master Roshi:
It was reckless!

[then smiles]

Master Roshi:
And I loved every minute of it.

[Krillin and Roshi laugh]

Oolong:
I thought I was dead.

Launch:
Well if you're disappointed, I can certainly arrange something.

Oolong:
No, no! I'm fine!

Bulma:
Where are you taking us? Answer me! I don't have time for this!

Master Roshi:
And neither do I. I'm a busy man. There's a new exercise video at home that is in desperate need of my attention.

Krillin:
Master Roshi, since you and Baba are related, maybe you can put in a good word for us and she can tell our fortune without any more fighting.

Bulma:
That's right. Family helps each other out.

Puar:
No more fighting sounds fine with me.

Upa:
That sounds great.

Goku:
Hmm?

Fortune-Teller Baba:
Are you kidding me? For family, I charge double!

Master Roshi:
What? You would refuse your own brother?

Fortune-Teller Baba:
You bet.

Master Roshi:
Do your legs hurt? Cause you've been running all through my dreams!

Mermaid:
Pardon?... I don't have legs.

[Roshi sees the girl is a mermaid, and collapses]

Master Roshi:
[awkward laugh] So, you're a mermaid, are you?

Master Roshi:
[thinking to himself] I knew there was something fishy about this... [looks at the mermaid's skimpy top]

Master Roshi:
[thinking] I guess i can still try with her human half...

Master Roshi:
Well, I'm like a turtle and you're part fish, so what do you say you and me go inside and learn more about our species?

[smack! the mermaid hits him and dives into the water]

Krillin:
So who are you anyway, his pupil?

Goku:
Yeah, I'm Goku!

Krillin:
Hmm, doesn't seem that you like fighting.

Goku:
I like marshmallows!

Krillin:
What's that gotta do with anything?

Goku:
Well, I'm hungry. And your bald head looks like one.

Krillin:
What did you say? Didn't you know that everyone who's serious about martial arts shave their head? Look at Master Roshi, he shaves!

Master Roshi:
Nope, I'm naturally bald.

Launch:
Hey! Isn't that against the rules?

World Tournament Announcer:
I'm afraid there's no rule against getting bigger.

Bulma:
We left the rules a long time ago.

[Roshi in his miniature size has been flushed down the toilet when trying to take a look at Bulma]

Master Roshi:
[goes to normal size, sniffs himself, screams in disgust] P.U.! That's worst than Launch's stew!

Bulma:
[in a Playboy bunny costume, furiously] Hey, what's this, Easter? This is no outfit; it's a costume, and I look ridiculous in it, Oolong!

[Blue Water dub, Bulma is wearing a Playboy costume]

Bulma:
Hey, what is this, Easter? If you think I'm going to be your little play bunny here, you can just forget it!

[Funimation dub, Bulma is wearing a Playboy costume]

Bulma:
Hey, what's this, Easter? This is no outfit, it's a costume! And I look ridiculous in it, Oolong!

Oolong:
[notices Bulma looking around the bathtub] Now what are looking for?

Bulma:
Peepholes.

Oolong:
Hey, what kind of place do you think I'm running?

Bulma:
Well, I wouldn't put it past you!

Oolong:
What?

Bulma:
[walks away] You little perv!

[after being betrayed by King Piccolo]

Shuu:
[face-planted] Are we there yet?

Mai:
From here on, I think we should choose our allies with more scrutiny, sire.

Emperor Pilaf:
Be quiet!

[flying on the Nimbus]

Krillin:
Slow down! You know if I lose my grip on you I'll fall through this cloud!

Goku:
Well if you would stop thinking bad thoughts, then it wouldn't be a problem!

Krillin:
Fat chance!

[Launch sneezes and turns into her mean form]

Launch:
[sees she is in lingerie] Okay boys, whose bright idea was this? Wanna dress me like a doll? Well then, please don't forget... THE ACCESSORY MACHINE GUN!

[pulls out her gun and opens fire on Roshi, Goku and Krillin, then sneezes and goes back to her nice form]

Launch:
[awkwardly] You see... my other half comes up when I sneeze, and she doesn't like big-headed boys...

[on the Nimbus]

Goku:
Hey Krillin, look! Do you think Master Roshi would like that lady over there?

Krillin:
You mean I have to look down?... Goku, that's a man!

Goku:
Really? How can you tell? Gosh, they all look pretty much the same to me.

Krillin:
Huh? You're joking, right? I mean you really can't tell the difference?

Goku:
Well, usually I can figure it out. I just have to touch them first.

Krillin:
Hmm? In case you couldn't tell, I'm a boy!

Goku:
Oh...

[Launch wakes up in her mean form and sees that Goku has slept with her]

Goku:
Hi!

Launch:
[gasps and back away] What're you doing in my bed, you pervert?

Goku:
I slept here, sir. We only have two blankets.

Launch:
[growls in fury] LAME EXCUSE, YOU LITTLE HEDGEHOG!

[Launch shoots at Goku]

Goku:
Launch, what did you do that for?

Launch:
Humph, that'll teach you to get under a blanket while it's in MY bed!

[Goku kicks Launch in the face knocking her out cold]

Goku:
That's not very nice!

Goku:
Quick, untie me!

Launch:
[struggling] This rope is so tight!

Master Roshi:
There's a new invention, it's called a knife!

Goku:
Of all the mean dirty tricks to pull... I can't believe it. Right here at lunchtime!

Launch:
[seeing her friends tied up] Is this a new game? Where'd you get the blue rope?

Bulma:
Yeah, it's called staying alive!

Master Roshi:
Quick, grab the bomb and throw it out of the house!

Launch:
Why is there a clock on the floor?

Bulma:
That's no clock, it's a highly explosive bomb!

Launch:
[holding the bomb] This house was spick and span when I left it. I don't appreciate things being left out.

Master Roshi:
Who are you?

General Blue:
[laughs] Someone you should fear, old man!

Master Roshi:
You're not scary. You're sick!

General Blue:
On the contrary. I've never felt better. [picks up the Dragon Balls]

[Goku chases Blue]

General Blue:
This is impossible! How can he keep up with me riding on a cloud?

[a crow flies in the shrine spooking everyone]

Krillin:
How'd that crow get in here?

Fortune-Teller Baba:
[freaks out] That's a bad omen!

Bulma:
You mean a bad omen about Goku?

Yamcha:
[tries to shoo the crow away] Get our of here! Shoo! Go on!

[Yamcha's shoe laces snap off from the omen signs]

Fortune-Teller Baba:
Oh, bad l - uh?

[a mirror shatters from another sign as everyone goes worried about Goku]

Fortune-Teller Baba:
More bad luck?

General Blue:
I believe I owe General White an apology. I've never suffered a task as difficult as destroying that... child.

Arale Norimaki:
[introducing Dr Norimaki and his wife Midori] There he is! He's the Doctor!

Son Goku:
[to Midori] Hey there. I mean, hello. How are you?

Midori:
Fine. And you?

Arale Norimaki:
[whispers] Goku, over there... [points at Senbei]

Son Goku:
[to Senbei] Are you his wife?

Senbe Norimaki:
[examines the Dragon Radar] What in the world is that? I've never seen anything like this before! Look at all the colors! It's really high tech! Who could design such a thing?

Son Goku:
A girl named Bulma made it.

Senbe Norimaki:
Uh! Girl? You say a little girl made this complex machine? That's impossible!

General Blue:
What a nuisance! He won't give up! That little brat is the bane of my existence!

Policeman:
[to Goku] Hey, you were flying pretty fast. Do you have a permit for that cloud?

Captain Violet:
[raiding the safe, to the camera] Consider this my severance package!

[after Goku made a wish and comes back]

Goku:
[shouts in pain] I got to go! That was a long trip! Oh, hurry, hurry!

[Goku undoes his pants and urinates in the lake]

Fortune-Teller Baba:
[panics] No, you can't do that here! Go find a bush, you animal! People swim in there, you dolt! Think about the poor creatures that live in that water!

Yamcha:
[seeing Goku urinate] And he's gonna be famous?

Bulma:
Well...

Bulma:
Why did you bring flowers to a battle anyway, moron?

Oolong:
Because it's not a battle. It's a funeral.

Puar:
[comes back to the gang after checking out the base in shock] Yamcha! The base is deserted!

Master Roshi:
The entire base? That's unbelievable!

Krillin:
Goku, do you think after this, you can show me a few tips?

Goku:
It was easy once I got started.

Bulma:
[awestruck] I can see the headlines now: 'Evil Army Defeated By Child'!

Launch:
[disapprovingly] It's just one army!

[dandelion fluff makes her sneeze in her nice form]

Launch:
Huh? Silly goose! How are we gonna have a picnic without any food?

[Everyone looks at her in clueless looks]

Puar:
[takes her along] Let's take a walk. I'll fill you in on all the details.

Goku:
My grandpa said a huge ape used to come out at a full moon!

Bulma:
Very funny, Goku. You should use that imagination to think of a way out of here!

[Goku starts to transform]

Bulma:
Goku, this isn't funny!

Yamcha:
I don't think he's joking!

[in a plane trying to escape Oozaru]

Emperor Pilaf:
Why won't it start up?

Mai:
Maybe it's because you're not yelling loud enough! [Pilaf screams offensively]

Bulma:
We better not tell Goku that he crushed his grandpa to death. It would just break his poor little heart.

Goku:
I think I'm gonna go to Master Roshi's and train like my grandpa did. I wanna get strong!

Bulma:
But Goku, you're the strongest kid I know!

Goku:
I know, but when I hit that castle it didn't even shake. So if someone else can come along and tear the whole thing down, I really need to go and train!

Master Roshi:
The legend, as I was told, goes something like this: In the beginning, there was only one Dragon Ball. It was huge, I mean REALLY huge. It had to be - it held all of the mystical energies of the universe. An ancient tribe discovered it, and was inspired by its magnificent power. They built a shrine around it, and protected the orb by placing it in the mouth of a giant dragon statue, said to be its eternal guardian. You should have seen the detail on this thing. It was INCREDIBLE: scales made of ruby, teeth of pearl... Speaking of pearl, they say there was this one native girl...

Bulma:
GET ON WITH IT!

Master Roshi:
Yes, well... The tribe enjoyed years of prosperity, until one day: evil paid a visit to the village in the form of a band of thieves. These agents of darkness stormed the temple in an attempt to steal the Dragon Ball for their own selfish gain. They were shocked to discover the true power of the Ball. To ensure such an attack never happened again, the Dragon Ball was divided into seven smaller orbs, and scattered across the globe. Separately, the Dragon Balls were useless, but when all seven were united, then a single voice could summon the Eternal Dragon for one wish, and one wish only. Some wishes were pure, but others were tainted by blind ambition. This led to pain and suffering, as an unjust few wished for power and dominion over mankind. But, as the story goes, there will one day come a hero who will use the Dragon Balls for goodness, and bring peace and unity to the world once more.

Bulma:
[shouting] Get me out of this thing right now, you freak!

Emperor Pilaf:
You insolent brat! I am the great emperor Pilaf and I will be the only one giving the orders here today! Tell me where that last Dragon Ball is...now.

Bulma:
[shoots the bird] My magic finger says it's somewhere in the ceiling!

Ninja Musaraki:
[after surviving the avalanche, his last lines] Like the ebb and flow of the tides, my wrath shall remain constant! I'll have my REVENGE!

[a bomb lands on Murasaki's cheek as he screams in terror until it explodes killing him]

[Goku's tail is grabbed and is being beaten by his masked opponent]

Upa:
[sobbing] Won't somebody help him?

Bulma:
Cut the dramatics, Roshi. Who is he? Tell us!

Krillin:
Who cares about him? Upa's right. We have to save Goku!

Yamcha:
Master Roshi?

Master Roshi:
We have no choice but to watch this play itself out.

Upa, Krillin:
Huh?

Bulma:
No!

Puar:
Mommy!

Yamcha:
Say what? Why?

Master Roshi:
Because as hard as it is to accept, it isn't our place; the living have no jurisdiction here. The man Goku is fighting, he's not of this world. As impossible as this may sound, that masked man is really Gohan - Goku's deceased grandfather.

[Goku's friends freak out in shock]

Piccolo Jr.:
There's no need to grieve for your fallen companion. You'll be joining him shortly.

Puar:
Ahhh!

Oolong:
Waah!

Yamcha:
Monster!

Piccolo Jr.:
You can all keep Goku company in the afterlife.

[Tien brings an unconscious Tao to Master Shen after winning the match]

Tien:
He'll be asleep like this for a few days. Please, take him home and never show yourselves around me again, fake master.

Master Shen:
[growls in fury] You traitor!

[Shen takes Tao and flies away]

Master Shen:
You will not die peacefully, I assure you of that!

Master Roshi:
It's you who won't die peacefully, you old crane!