Duke Nukem Forever

[from trailer]

Duke Nukem:
I'm looking for some alien toilet to park my bricks. Who's first?

[from trailer]

Unnamed Man:
Man, this thing is really pissed off!

Duke Nukem:
Ohhh. Mmmm. Oooo. Oh, oh yeah, right there. Oh yeah.

The Twins:
[Mary Holsom] That was fun! Was it good for you, baby? [Kate Holsom giggles]

The Twins:
[Kate Holsom] What about the game, Duke? Was it any good? [giggles]

Duke Nukem:
Yeah, but after twelve f***ing years, it should be!

The Twins:
[Mary Holsom] Well, any time you wanna play again, just let us know! [giggles] [Kate Holsom giggles]

EDF Voices:
[Showing Duke some power armor resembling Master Chief's armor] Duke! We got your green power armor over here and ready to go!

Duke Nukem:
Power armor is for pussies!

EDF Voices:
Oh... well, okay. Uh... you want a gun instead?

Duke Nukem:
You're one ugly motherf***er!

Duke Nukem:
I promised I'd kill you last, I lied!

Duke Nukem:
If it bleeds I can kill it!

Duke Nukem:
Have a taste of my ball!

[first lines]

Duke Nukem:
I'm back, baby!

Duke Nukem:
[pissing] This is taking forever. Time to stop pissing around and get this big guy back into action.

EDF Voices:
[EDF #1] All right, step one! Alpha Team straight up the middle! Blake, flank left! Philips and I head around. That's step two. Step three is... uh... uh...

EDF Voices:
[EDF #2] Uh, profit?

EDF Voices:
[EDF #1] Right! You ready? One, two...

EDF Voices:
[all three together] Break!

Whiteboard:
Operation: Cock Block

EDF Voices:
[EDF #3 to Duke drawing on whiteboard] Hey, check out the red marker. Smells like cherries.

EDF Voices:
[EDF #3 to Duke after he is done drawing on whiteboard] Oh, man! That is... I mean I don't understand any of it, but I bet if I did, that guy over there would still have his arm... and at least one of his balls.

Father:
Excuse me, er... Duke Nukem? Yeah, my kid's a real big fan. [lowers his voice and pats his son on the back] Go on and ask him, Jimmy.

Little Jimmy:
Mr. Nukem! W-will you sign this for me? [gives Duke his book "Why I'm So Great"]

Duke Nukem:
Sure, kid. But I better not find this on EBay. [autographs the book]

Little Jimmy:
I wanna grow up to be just like you!

Duke Nukem:
Take your pills... er, vitamins every day, and you might grow up to be as awesome as me.

Little Jimmy:
Wow! Thank you, Mr. Nukem! Wow! He's so cool!

Father:
Yeah, I thought he'd be taller.

[says it after seeing the decapitated corpses of one of the EDF soldiers with collectible weapons in The Hive chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Advance team my ass...

[says it after performing his finishing moves on the Battlelord followed by his repeated punching to the Battlelord's groin]

Duke Nukem:
Right in the jewel!

[says it after seeing Isaac Clarke's helmet near the decapitated corpse in The Hive]

Duke Nukem:
That's one "dead space" marine.

[says it sometimes after opening one of the doors in The Hive chapter]

Duke Nukem:
I thought this was exit only.

[says it sometimes when Duke slaps the three breast on the wall]

Duke Nukem:
Got milk?

[says it sometimes when Duke slaps the three breast on the wall]

Duke Nukem:
Sooo wrong, yet, sooo right!

[says it sometimes when Duke slaps the three breast on the wall]

Duke Nukem:
Hmm. Strange silicone-based lifeform.

[says it sometimes when Duke slaps the three breast on the wall]

Duke Nukem:
Time for an examination, ladies!

[says it at one point when Duke is near the early part of the Crash Course chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Well look at that... you can see my dick from here!

[after defeating the Octotaking in the Generator Room chapter]

Duke Nukem:
There can only be one king... you f***.

[When Duke faces the Cycloid Emperor in the Final Battle chapter]

Duke Nukem:
I'm gonna rip your eye out and piss on your brain, you alien dirtbag!

[after the end sequence]

Duke Nukem:
What kind of sh*t ending is that? I ain't dead, I'm coming back for more!

[When Duke stomps on a shrunken enemy]

Duke Nukem:
King Kong ain't got sh*t on me!

[says it sometimes when Duke kills an enemy with melee attacks]

Duke Nukem:
Bada Bing!

[says it sometimes when Duke kills an enemy with melee attacks]

Duke Nukem:
Up close and personal.

[says it sometimes when Duke kills an enemy]

Duke Nukem:
Oh yeah. It's ass kickin' time!

[says it sometimes when Duke kills an enemy]

Duke Nukem:
My balls, your face.

Duke Nukem:
[sometimes after killing an Octagon] Take your tentacles back to Japan, you freak!

Duke Nukem:
[using a wrecking ball to break down a wall while killing an enemy in the process] Have a taste of my ball!

The Twins:
[One of the Holsom Twins] [Sometimes when Duke loses at a game of Pool] Duke, stop playing with your balls!

[in the beginning of the chapter "Vegas in Ruins"]

Captain Dylan:
Duke! Good to f***ing see you! I knew that retirement bullshit was just bullshit. F*** that retirement sh*t! I just got back from helping my friend "find his wife". Christ, what a f***ing p*ssy! Graves want me to help you jack these motherf***ers up just like old f***ing times! Can't wait to pound'em in the cornhole! Hoo-ah!

Duke Nukem:
[losing at pinball] I've got balls of fail!

Duke Nukem:
Quit bleedin', p*ssy!

[says it sometimes when Duke puts an enslaved woman out of her misery in The Hive chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Sorry, babe. But it's better this way...

[When Duke picks up a piece of poo from the toilet in The Duke Burger chapter which also unlocks the trophy/achievement "Turd Burglar"]

Duke Nukem:
Now what? Sh*t-fingerpainting?

[When Duke picks up a piece of poo from the toilet in The Duke Burger chapter which also unlocks the trophy/achievement "Turd Burglar"]

Duke Nukem:
What the f***?

[When Duke picks up a piece of poo from the toilet in The Duke Burger chapter which also unlocks the trophy/achievement "Turd Burglar"]

Duke Nukem:
What am I, a chimpanzee?

[When Duke picks up a piece of poo from the toilet in The Duke Burger chapter which also unlocks the trophy/achievement "Turd Burglar"]

Duke Nukem:
What kind of sick motherf***er picks up wet feces?

[When Duke picks up a piece of poo from the toilet in The Duke Burger chapter which also unlocks the trophy/achievement "Turd Burglar"]

Duke Nukem:
What the hell? No! Come on! No! This is disgusting!

[When Duke picks up a piece of poo from the toilet in The Duke Burger chapter which also unlocks the trophy/achievement "Turd Burglar"]

Duke Nukem:
A turd in the hand is worth two in the bush.

[When Duke picks up a piece of poo from the toilet in The Duke Burger chapter which also unlocks the trophy/achievement "Turd Burglar"]

Duke Nukem:
[silently angry at himself] Why am I doing this?

[says it in the beginning of The Hive:
Part 2 chapter after knocking down a webbed corpse]

Duke Nukem:
Thanks for hangin' out.

[When Duke faces the Alien Queen in the Queen B*tch chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Baby, you make me wish I had three guns.

[says it after EDF soldier Leeroy gets killed by an alien attack in Vegas in Ruins chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Dammit Leeroy!

[says it sometimes when Duke puts an enslaved woman out of her misery in The Hive chapter]

Duke Nukem:
She wasn't human anymore...

[says it when Duke picks up a Devastator in Crash Course chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Double the pleasure!

[When Duke picks up a piece of poo from the toilet in The Duke Burger chapter which also unlocks the trophy/achievement "Turd Burglar"]

Duke Nukem:
Ugh, no! What am I doing?

[When Duke picks up a piece of poo from the toilet in The Duke Burger chapter which also unlocks the trophy/achievement "Turd Burglar"]

Duke Nukem:
Ugh, this is gross! I've got to get rid of this!

[When Duke stomps on a shrunken enemy in Duke Burger chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Better than feckle-b*tches!

[When Duke stomps on a shrunken enemy in Duke Burger chapter]

Duke Nukem:
You want fries with that?

[When Duke stomps on a shrunken enemy in Duke Burger chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Order up!

[says it after getting in a monster truck in The Mighty Foot chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Fasten your seatbelts. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

[says it after getting out of his monster truck sunk as it sank into the river in the Dam Top chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Aw, and it got such good gas mileage.

[says it sometimes when Duke kills an enemy with a forklift in The Forkstop chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Fork you!

[says it after leaving behind the forklift to proceed to the next area in The Forkstop chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Alright. Time to quit 'forkin' around'.

[says it in the beginning of Underground:
Part 2 chapter]

Duke Nukem:
This is gonna f*** up my hair.

[says it sometimes when Duke kills an enemy]

Duke Nukem:
I'm from Las Vegas and I say "kill'em all!"

[says it sometimes when Duke kills a Pig Cop]

Duke Nukem:
Who wants white meat, huh? Who wants it?

[says it sometimes when Duke kills a Pig Cop]

Duke Nukem:
Pork chop sandwiches!

[says it sometimes when Duke puts an enslaved woman out of her misery in The Hive chapter]

Duke Nukem:
Dammit!

[says it sometimes when Duke kills an enemy]

Duke Nukem:
When you get to hell, tell'em Duke sent ya!

[says it sometimes when Duke kills a small alien]

Duke Nukem:
You're spent!

[says it sometimes when Duke kills an enemy]

Duke Nukem:
Douche!

[says it sometimes when Duke breaks open an EDF item crate]

Duke Nukem:
I'm gonna ninja this!

[says it sometimes when Duke breaks open an EDF item crate]

Duke Nukem:
Oh yeah! More equipment means more "ass kickin'"!

[says it sometimes when Duke picks up a rat and kills it by squishing it]

Duke Nukem:
See you later, Mickey!

[Duke is defending the Holsom sisters from aliens]

[Mary Holsom]

The Twins:
Oh dear God! I promise never to do anything naughty ever again!

The Twins:
[Kate Holsom] Hello, don't say that! Duke will never save us if he hears you promise that!

Clarke:
Now we can cause some damage!

McReady:
You don't say "cause some damage" around Duke Nukem, man... you say we're gonna go bust some balls or tear sh*t up or something like that.

Clarke:
Oh, um, right, ah... LET'S RUPTURE SOME SPLEENS TOGETHER!

McReady:
Why are you such a douche?

[last lines]

Reporter:
Duke, now that the aliens are dead and you've saved the world once again, uh... what are you going to do?

Duke Nukem:
I'm gonna run for President. Hail to the king, baby!

Duke Nukem:
I'm gonna kill you, old style. [Reference to old Ventrilo Harassment video]