Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd

Mrs. Dunne:
Time for bed.

Lloyd Christmas:
Can I be on top?

Harry:
Only if I can be on bottom.

Lloyd Christmas:
Alright!

Lloyd Christmas:
Chicks are for fags!

Harry:
You found my treasure? Why didn't you tell me?

Lloyd Christmas:
Three words: I did.

Lloyd Christmas:
Somebody chipped my tooth!

Harry:
How do you think I feel? Somebody bit me in the forehead!

Lloyd Christmas:
You know you're the first person I ever brought here, Harry?

Harry Dunne:
Is this your special place?

Lloyd Christmas:
No, I just usually eat in the crapper. Saves time. You know, out with the old, in with the new.

Lloyd:
No! Wait - save it for the Tooth Fairy.

Harry:
I happen to know for a fact that my mother is the Tooth Fairy.

Lloyd:
No way! Your mom's the Tooth Fairy?

Harry:
Yeah, she flies around at night while I'm asleep.

Lloyd:
Well nice to meet you. I'm Lloyd Christmas.

Harry:
Well, I'll be. Here I am bragging about how my mom's the Tooth Fairy and you're dad's Santa Claus!

Lloyd Christmas:
There's gonna be chicks all over us. It's gonna be so faggy I don't think I can stand it.

Jessica's Dad:
Oh, my God. Sh*t everywhere. There's sh*t everywhere! Damnit! There's sh*t on the windows! Oh, my God! My house is full of sh*t! He sh*t everywhere! Look what he did! He sh*t all over the walls! There's sh*t everywhere!

[Harry secretly repeats everything Lloyd says to Jessica]

Lloyd:
You have beautiful eyes!

Harry:
You have beautiful eyes!

Jessica:
Thank you.

Lloyd:
[sees a dog] Hey, where'd you come from?

Harry:
Hey where'd you come from?

Jessica:
I was born in St. Louis.

Lloyd:
Would you like me to pat your head?

Harry:
Would you like me to pat your head?

Lloyd:
I bet you want your head scratched.

Harry:
I bet you want your head scratched.

Jessica:
No why, we still have a lot to talk about.

Lloyd:
I bet you... [dog barks at him] Don't you snap at me like that! You're lucky I don't punch you right in the face!

Harry:
Don't snap at me like that! You're lucky I don't punch you in the face!

Lloyd:
Oh, I remember you...how could I forget those big hairy nipples.

Harry:
How could I forget those big hair nipples?

Lloyd:
I can almost smell your stinky fenuter from here.

Harry:
I can almost smell your stinky fenuter from here.

Walter:
You like your butter, huh? We have some margarine if you want, you can just scoop it out of the tub.

Harry:
No I'm fine, thank you.

Jessica's Mom:
Oh, hello.

Walter:
This is uh...Harry.

Jessica's Mom:
You know, they make that in a womens suit to! (Harry covers himself a little with the jacket)

Walter:
Jessica were eating!

Jessica:
Meet me at the front door Lloyd.

Jessica's Mom:
Well I see you like my rolls.

Harry:
Sure, I like a women with some meat on her bones. So Charlie, what business you in?

Walter:
The name's Walter.

[Harry and Lloyd are talking to Ching Chong]

Harry:
We made up a special slogan.

Lloyd:
Harry, what're you doing? She's a foreign exchange student. She obviously doesn't speak the English. [to Ching Chong] Ching-chong-ching-chingy-chong-ching-chong-ching!

Lloyd:
Jessica, you give him some yet?

Jessica:
Some what?

Lloyd:
You know, SOME.

Harry:
You two timing slut! And you, I thought you were from St. Louis! I don't ever want to see you again!

Walter:
(walks into bathroom to see melted chocolate all over the place) Oh, my God.

Harry:
And I'm leaving! (he does so)

Walter:
(thinks the chocolate is fecal matter) He sh*t everywhere. THERE'S SH*T EVERYWHERE! DAMN IT!!! THERE'S SH*T ON THE WINDOWS! OH MY GOD! MY HOUSE IS FULL OF SH*T!! HE SH*T EVERYWHERE!! LOOK WHAT HE DID! HE SH*T ALL OVER THE WALL! GET UP HERE!

(his wife screams)

Jessica:
When can I see you?

Lloyd:
Uh, how about tonight at eight?

Walter:
MY HOUSE IS FULL OF BILE! SH*T!! (to his wife) Calm down! Just calm down!

Jessica:
Th-Thank you Lloyd, I got to go. I got to go for a little peek, see you at eight!

Lloyd:
Date with Jessica, YEAH!

Walter:
Look what he did! He sh*t all over the wall!

Lloyd:
(He uses Harry as a shield against mud being splattered from a car tire) I got some dirt on my shirt. How gross is this? Harry?

Harry:
(Harry gets struck by car)

Lloyd:
WHOA! Harry? You got to look both ways buddy!

Harry:
(Moans) ...Charlie!

Walter:
Oh my god...it's you! Your that guy that crapped up my house. What are you- your covered in sh*t! My car is covered in sh*t! What are you doing? Oh my god! What is wrong with you? You come back here, I'm not cleaning this up! I'm going to have to have this towed. Come back here! Are you out of your mind? What is it with you and fecal matter, look at this!

Jessica:
Wipe your feet. My parents are totally anal!

Harry:
Oh, that's gross!

Lloyd Christmas:
[after seeing chocolate stains all over Harry] Harry, why are you covered in poo?

Lloyd Christmas:
So, did you give him some yet? You know some!

Lloyd Christmas:
Man you got some serious self issues to work out my pudgy-ugly little friend.

Lloyd Christmas:
There's only one way to settle this...make out contest.

Lloyd Christmas:
Next time Turks handing out wedgies...your not going to get one! Na uh! Were done pal, finito, the end...Auf wiener schnitzel...Mozeltov!

Lloyd Christmas:
You're it!

Harry Dunne:
[thinking] Wow! She's actually making me feel hot. [is shown to be sitting on a heater] I didn't think the first time would hurt so much... [Out loud] ESPECIALLY IN THE ASS!

Harry Dunne:
Then she said something about something.

Harry Dunne:
I changed for dinner, I always change when I eat, except for breakfast and spazz meal.

Harry Dunne:
Good one Captain Rob, he does look like a you-know-what!

Women In Museum:
The daddy polar bear was shot by hunter...just like your father!

Ms. Heller:
I'm Ms. Heller the lunch lady...oh, damn! I mean your new teacher! ...Yeah!