Ed, Edd n Eddy's Big Picture Show

Eddy:
This is all your fault, Sockhead!

Edd:
My fault? Funny, isn't it, how it's always my fault when another of your amazing scams goes awry!

Eddy:
Yeah, well, I didn't see you stop me! You shoulda known it would go bad!

Ed:
Boy, did it go bad.

[Edd is hanging from his hat on top of a waterfall]

Eddy:
Hey, Sockhead! Can you see my bro's place from up there?

Edd:
[angrily] NO! NOW GET ME DOWN!

[Edd loses his hat]

Eddy:
My eyes! They're burning!

Edd:
You stop that!

Ed:
Does it hurt, Double D?

Edd:
Oh, shush!

[May picks herself up off the ground. Jimmy peeks out and sees Lee pin an undershirt to the wire]

May:
If you guys weren't such fashion hogs, there wouldn't be all this laundry to do! [She pulls Jimmy out from the pile]

Jimmy:
Oh, please! Don't hurt me!

May:
Looks like someone left something in their pocket!

Lee:
What is it?

Marie:
Looks like it's whats-his-face!

May:
Let's call him Dutch.

Lee:
[leering] A little far from home, aren't ya, Dutch?

May:
Uh-oh, looks like Dutch needs a diaper!

Jimmy:
[worried] I'm fine, really, I am!

May:
Aw, he's squirming!

[May pins him up and proceeds to nurse him with a bottle of ketchup. Lee steals Jimmy away]

Lee:
Dutch ain't a baby. [She throws Jimmy down] He's a big grown man. [sinister] I bet he wants a date. [paused, after a few moments] WHERE'S MY FLOWERS DUTCH?!?!? [She giggles as Jimmy lies on the ground, twitching]

Marie:
[picking him up] Aw, my man doesn't need to give me any flowers. [She drops him by the washing machine] He just needs to do my laundry. Knock yourself out, Dutch.

May:
[grabbing Jimmy] Babies don't do laundry!

Lee:
He's mine! [She grabs Jimmy's arm] Gimme my man.

Marie:
[taking Jimmy's other leg] Laundry boy's all mine, ladies.

Lee:
Back off Marie.

May:
Baby's mine!

[The three tug at Jimmy, stretching his body]

Jimmy:
I'm getting stretch marks! [Jimmy's pants split, revealing his teddy bear underwear] Stop! I just wanted to see Ed, Edd n Eddy get clobbered!

[The Kankers abruptly let go]

Lee:
[menacing] What did you say about our boyfriends?

Sarah:
None of your beeswax!

[The Kankers turn to the fiery-headed newcomer. Sarah sets her basket down and seethes with rage. Tears of gratitude fill Jimmy's eyes]

Jimmy:
My hero.

[The Kankers jump his hero]

Jimmy:
Leave her alone!

Sarah:
Ah ah AAAAHH!!!

Jimmy:
What'd she ever do to you? [Marie pins Sarah to the ground]

Sarah:
Get off me, lemme go!

[Marie giggles. May grabs Sarah's head and holds it in place]

Lee:
So none of our beeswax, huh? What a shame.

[Lee opens her mouth and sticks her finger in. When it comes out, it is covered with spit. May giggles in anticipation, and her sisters join in. May then turns Sarah's head on its side, and Lee holds her finger above Sarah. Spittle drips onto Sarah's cheek until Lee jams her finger into Sarah's ear, swishing it around in a Wet Willy]

Sarah:
Ew that's so gross!

Jimmy:
A Wet Willy! Oh, the horror!

Marie:
[as Lee works her finger] "So tell us, twerp...

May:
...what do you and Dutch know about our boyfriends!

Jimmy:
Stop! Enough! [The torture stops as Jimmy comes running up] The Eds did something really bad! Something big happened because everyone's angry, chasing after them to give them their just desserts! [crying] Ahhaha, I'm such a snitch!

May:
Did you hear what Dutch said?

Marie:
[angry] Ain't nobody beating up on my man but me!

Lee:
Grab the two squirts, girls. We're gonna need em.

[Sarah and Jimmy look at each other, worry in their eyes]

[After realizing that Ed and Eddy faked their deaths in "quicksand" to mock him. Infuriated, Edd starts to storm off]

Eddy:
Hey! Where ya goin'? You're headin' back into the swamp!" [reaching for Edd's shoulder] My bro don't live–-

Edd:
[angrily slapping his hand away] DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME! A "SAP"?! Well, excuse my sincerity for thinking I had lost the only two people I have left in this world!

Eddy:
[not realizing he's being serious] And?

Edd:
It's surprising, because your stubborn, insane desire to shock, sandbag and swindle is what put us here in the first place!

Ed:
I helped too!

Edd:
[gives Ed a furious look, then turns back to Eddy] You and your nefarious scams!

Eddy:
[Enraged] Like you were picking daisies! You built the stupid thing!

Edd:
If you had paid attention to what I said and NOT pushed the red button...!

[They start brawling]

Ed:
Stop! I demand you tickle each other right now!

Edd and Eddy:
[angrily] STAY OUT OF IT, ED!!!

Ed:
[to himself, nervously] The evil dark side has consumed them both! Trouble! Bad! Pain!

Edd:
I've had ENOUGH! [kicks Eddy off] I'm returning home!

Ed:
But we can't go home, Double D!

Edd:
I'd rather face my consequences, Ed, than wander aimlessly with a so-called friend!

[As he angrily storms off, Eddy looks shocked and his eyes fill with tears]

Ed:
Say it ain't so! We are three no more, Eddy! Like hop, skip, and no jump! Like up, up, but no away! Like blah, blah without the other blah!

Eddy:
[snapping furiously ] FINE!!! GO HOME!!! I DON'T BLAME YA! BECAUSE EVERYTHING WAS MY FAULT! [he bursts into tears, and Edd abruptly stops and pause for a moment] YEAH, YOU HEARD ME! A FOUL-UP WANNABE LOSER! [He beats his head and continues sobbing]

Edd:
[turns back, totally surprised by Eddy's words, and walks back towards him] Eddy?

Eddy:
What? [still sobs]

[As Edd watches his friend cry, he looks down with remorse, then gets an idea]

Edd:
[starting to smile] Your shirt, Eddy.

Eddy:
[confused] My shirt?

Edd:
[pointing at the tears soaked into it] Are those salt deposits from your lamentation? [Eddy looks down, and Edd thwacks his nose] Gotcha!

[After a moment of realization, Eddy smiles back at him]

Ed:
[hugs them both happily] WE ARE FRIENDS ONCE MORE, GUYS! To Eddy's big bro's house! [carries them on his shoulders]

Edd:
Not that way, Ed. [turns Ed in the right direction] This way.

Eddy:
You heard my pal, Ed!

Edd:
What would you do without me, Eddy?

Eddy:
Don't milk it, Sockhead.

Marie:
No one beats up our little love muffins.

Edd:
Yes. I mean no. What? Yes?