Eternal Law

[introduction to each episode, spoken over opening titles]

Mrs. Sheringham:
[voiceover] Whenever human beings are in trouble, that's where you'll find them. They may be tinkers or tailors, soldiers or sailors, nurses or bin-men, or strangers in the street. Perhaps, even - and this is hard to believe, I know - lawyers. They're here to help, to comfort, to guide.

[Tom has helped a girl up after accidentally knocking her over, holding her hand a little too long... ]

Sean:
You touched my daughter!

Tom Greening:
Ah, yes. Yes, I did.

Sean:
[threatening] D'you want some?

Tom Greening:
Zak, do I want some?

Zak Gist:
I... I don't think you do, no.

Tom Greening:
You keep telling me how formidable an opponent Richard Pembroke is.

Zak Gist:
And so he is. But when I feel like this, Tom, with a fizz in my blood and a wind in my jib, there's not a lawyer in the land who wouldn't quiver before me!

Hannah English:
I'm going to kick your bottom, Mr Gist.

Richard Pembroke:
[referring to Hannah] Oh, Zak. You could no more resist that woman than can a moth a flame. Very similar results...

Tom Greening:
What if the dad is the baddie, and the mum's the goodie?

Zak Gist:
It's a contested hearing, not an episode of Bonanza.

Tom Greening:
What's it like being young, Hal? I mean... can you actually feel your bones growing? Sort of, sort of creaking? That would be freaky.

Zak Gist:
[reading from Mr Fenwright's letter to the adoption agency] "To whom it may concern. My wife cannot have children. Which means I cannot have children, as my wife and I are one and the same. Jenny is a very modest woman, and would not write the words I am about to write. Dear child, wherever you are, or whoever you might be, no matter how lonely or damaged or difficult you might be, a wonderful mother is waiting for you. She has so much love to give, she is so generous and will be so loyal. She is waiting here for you. And as for me, even though we have never met, I tell you now I will love you forever. Give us the gift of your life, and I will be the best father I can be. I will never give up on you. We will never give up on you."

Zak Gist:
Anna! Anna!

Anna Atkinson:
What do you want?

Zak Gist:
You're an angel.

Mrs. Sheringham:
[about the Russian clock they have received] This actual clock once ticked down to Armageddon. Is it a gift?

Zak Gist:
He doesn't do gifts. It's a warning.

Tom Greening:
It doesn't work anymore.

Mrs. Sheringham:
I don't think any of us ever want to see that clock work again.

Tom Greening:
[referring to Hannah] Would you really have given it all up for her?

Zak Gist:
In a heartbeat.

Tom Greening:
But they're so messy and changeable and contradictory. And they have missiles.

[pause]

Tom Greening:
Then why didn't you?

Zak Gist:
Mr Mountjoy was very persuasive. I truly believe that if another of us falls, He'll leave them to their own devices. This old world will spin on without us.

Tom Greening:
How do you think they'd cope?

Zak Gist:
Educated guess? Pestilence, war, famine and death.

Tom Greening:
We'd better not fail, then.

Tom Greening:
I love you. Je t'aime. Until I get bored, and find someone richer or younger or with bigger mammary glands. They're weird, are they, humans?

Tom Greening:
I'm really hungry.

Mrs. Sheringham:
Well, there's bacon in the fridge and eggs in next door's chickens.

Hannah:
Did I spill a vol au vent on you at a party in Norwich?

Zak Gist:
If you did, it would have been the most interesting thing ever to happen to me in Norwich.

Mack Steen:
[looking for some booze] Is it all bloody vino? Where's the bloody ales?

Zak Gist:
If he touches the 15-year-old Glenlivet, I'll kill him.

Mack Steen:
Oh, got a bladder like a barrage balloon. Need to point it at the porcelain.

Richard Pembroke:
Isn't that the thing about the elderly? So self-centred. Three things never stop growing: hair, nails and ego.

[repeated line]

Mack Steen:
Tickety-boo.

Dezzy:
Before Mack came, it was... well... Now, we're like a ship of friends, all on one last voyage.

Zak Gist:
And you're the belle of the ocean.

Zak Gist:
You threatened a resident. You used an Alzheimer's patient as hostage. You want court, Mr Cedric? You got it.

Mack Steen:
Tom. What do I get for attempted murder?

Tom Greening:
The rest of your life.

Zak Gist:
Mr Mountjoy sent us two - Mack and Keith Cedric. And I've failed them both.

Tom Greening:
I don't get it. Old age.

Mrs. Sheringham:
I think... growing old makes more sense if... you're doing it with someone.

Tom Greening:
But you went through all that pain for someone, and then he just... he just died.

Mrs. Sheringham:
But it doesn't change what we did have.

Mrs. Sheringham:
I'll tell you what it's like to live a life. Every day, the things that you carry with you get a bit... heavier.

Tom Greening:
That doesn't sound very good.

Mrs. Sheringham:
Well, it depends on what you're carrying. And some people don't like to unpack.

Tom Greening:
[about Jude] She kissed me.

Zak Gist:
Gosh!

Tom Greening:
And I absolutely did respond.

Zak Gist:
Heavens.

Mrs. Sheringham:
Just, er, tell us that you didn't...

Tom Greening:
And we slept together. Slept. I passed out. I think it was connected to the alcohol.

[Tom has suggested that Zack give up his angel status so he can be with Hannah]

Zak Gist:
This is the clock that sat in the Kremlin and counted down to Doomsday. Dooms-day! And Mr Mountjoy sent it to us. To *me*. He's not about to let another of us fall. We are here for humankind. Because they are *that* close. We cannot let them down, we can not! *I* cannot. You're an idiot. You're a stupid bloody idiot. But you're not as big an idiot as me.

Zak Gist:
A hangover slows a man down. Forces him to take stock. It begins like a lion and ends like a lullaby. Can't fight the hangover, old son. It's like growing old. Can't fight it.

Tom Greening:
But they do. They fight from when they're young; from the moment they sense death's coming.

[last lines]

Zak Gist:
It's a good job you didn't sleep with her. You'd probably've blown her head off.

Tom Greening:
Are we that impressive?

Zak Gist:
Oh, yeah.

Mrs. Sheringham:
D'you know what we need? A dog. I'm thinking basset hound.

Zak Gist:
If it can learn to flush the loo, it's more than welcome. But please be advised that as the actual embodiment of heavenly grace on Earth, I will not be reduced to picking up poo in a plastic bag.

Richard Pembroke:
[of humans] They're morons. Tom, they don't know if there's anything beyond this life. Imagine how much freer they'd be if they were. That's all my side have ever wanted: transparency. D'you know... do you know why He doesn't show Himself? Because He wants *them* to love *Him*... unconditionally. Like some kind of... cosmic Katie Price.

Tom Greening:
Some of what Richard says makes sense.

Zak Gist:
Course it does. He's demonic, not stupid.

Tom Greening:
It feels quite strange being part of the prosecution.

Zak Gist:
You're gonna be brilliant on the Day of Judgement, aren't you?

Hannah:
Yeah, it's horrible being the bogeyman. Isn't it?

Zak Gist:
Make it a lot easier, though, wouldn't it, if evil went round with fangs and bug-eyes and a pig's snout.

Tom Greening:
All the evidence suggests that Yalling had been stalking her, and... in his pocket, they found a pair of... They found a pair of, um...

Zak Gist:
You can say 'knickers', you won't burst into flames.

Eddie Fairfax:
[to Gist] If you want to continue making no sense whatsoever, you can do so in court.

Jude:
It's obvious Yalling was a perv.

Mrs. Sheringham:
Sublimely elegant argument. Are you part of the defence team?

Mrs. Sheringham:
You've a new job. Plinth and Dover. Family-run solicitors, absolutely charming. And the younger Mr Dover, 23, very good-looking - fit, you might say. Oh, and it's in Durham.

Jude:
What the hell are you talking about?

Mrs. Sheringham:
Yeah, I'm talking about hell. And heaven. And the fact that sometimes, the only thing that separates them is the wrong kind of kiss.

[Mrs Sheringham has transferred Jude against her will]

Jude:
I'll go over your head.

Mrs. Sheringham:
Trust me, my boss is over everyone's head.

Gemma Manes:
They're sending me to a real prison.

Zak Gist:
You're already in prison, Gemma. Been in prison for a while. Let's break you out.

Zak Gist:
Next time send me somewhere simple. Like Iraq.

Mrs. Sheringham:
It hurt, by the way. What you said about me never knowing what it's like to be a mother.

Tom Greening:
Well, I'll never know what it's like to be a son.

Sophie Caple:
You know the worst thing about fear?

Zak Gist:
Fear itself.

Mrs. Sheringham:
Yeah, erm... remind me again why I'm here.

Zak Gist:
You're here because you got a face like a wet Wednesday in Abroath.

Zak Gist:
Apparently you have my colleague.

John Parker:
Yes, he says he got lost.

Zak Gist:
If that's what he says, then that's what happened.

John Parker:
He saved one of my soldiers' lives, Mr Gist.

Zak Gist:
Yeah, he does that sort of thing.

Hannah:
You're the psychiatrist, Major. What's your opinion of Private Pearson?

John Parker:
My opinion is that she's psychologically stable.

Zak Gist:
Perhaps stabbing yourself in the leg to avoid being blown up by a bomb is the sanest action a person could take.

Hannah:
So, what's kept you in the army all this time?

John Parker:
Well, I've... seen some extraordinary things and met some extraordinary people. Killed them all, obviously.

Zak Gist:
You really are a bastard.

Tom Greening:
Who is this Colonel "Puff Puff"?

[Tom has fallen on a live mortar]

Zak Gist:
I saw hundreds of these on the Somme. Only...

Tom Greening:
Only what?

Zak Gist:
They didn't look quite like this one.

Tom Greening:
[dejected] Oh, we're gonna die, aren't we?

Zak Gist:
Not me, I've got a case to win.

[Private Caple is about to disarm the mortar]

Sophie Caple:
Never let a bomb see your fear. That's what my dad always said.

Zak Gist:
[showing Tom a painting] It's called The Return to the Front. So these soldiers are going back to... hell, essentially. But look at them, Tom. Can you imagine the courage of these men? The things they've already done? And seen? And yet here they all are, together, preparing to return to Armageddon. Because that's what you do. You stick together. No matter what the cost to yourself.

Tom Greening:
[about a soldier in the painting] Look at this one. He looks terrified.

Zak Gist:
So would you be if you had to wear a rough woollen skirt next to your Dardanelles.

Tom Greening:
[stunned] Is that you?

Zak Gist:
[nods] When Mr Mountjoy seemed a long... long way away indeed.

Tom Greening:
So we're sort of soldiers, aren't we?

Zak Gist:
What?

Tom Greening:
Sent on missions, following orders, doing our best.

Zak Gist:
It's not considered polite to thrash a poor metaphor to within an inch of its life.

Hannah:
I suppose you're a wonderful cook.

Zak Gist:
Lightly poached, griddled asparagus, avocado and watercress salad.

Hannah:
That... that sounds delicious! If you ever want anyone to help you eat it...

Zak Gist:
I know where you live.

Hannah:
I have to admit, Mr Gist, life is rarely dull around you.

Zak Gist:
It's my great failing, I suspect.

Mrs. Sheringham:
Slings and arrows, Mr Gist.

Zak Gist:
Ups and downs.

Mrs. Sheringham:
And even if it is sometimes a wet Wednesday in Abroath... one day, one day soon, it'll be a sunny Saturday in Venice. I promise you.

[last lines]

Tom Greening:
Can I say something, Zak?

Zak Gist:
If you must.

Tom Greening:
The Angel of Mons... You are the man.

Zak Gist:
Jogging. In the universe of mysteries, it's the greatest one of all.

Woman on TV:
In your face, b*tch!

Zak Gist:
"In your face"? It's not even a proper sentence.

Marcus:
Capitalism is war. Socialism is peace!

Zak Gist:
Marcus, Bruno and Felix - it's all a bit 'Hail Caesar', isn't it?

Marcus:
Dad was a nut for Roman epics. It could've been worse, I could've been saying, 'I'm Spartacus'.

Richard Pembroke:
Brother against brother. 'twas ever thus.

[Hannah is questioning Zak's belief in Marcus]

Zak Gist:
You think it's naive to believe in a person. I think it's essential.

Hannah:
Well, I believed in a person once, and that turned out to be... stupidly naive.

Zak Gist:
When you believe in someone, Hannah, and they let you down... that doesn't mean you're wrong. It means, you're... the victim. Don't give up. You'll be happy again.

Zak Gist:
My fear... is we fail. And I could've... been with her all along.

Richard Pembroke:
And live. Huh? Come on, you coward. Come in from the cold.

Zak Gist:
I'm not in the cold. I've got a warm room and... delicious food, good wine, dear friends waiting for me. Oh, and cheese. And biscuits.

Zak Gist:
It's a broken world. But we can fix it. We *will* fix it.

Zak Gist:
Mrs Sheringham, do we have proper butter, as opposed to this "I'm Nearly Convinced It's Like Butter"?

Zak Gist:
Go to his flat...

Tom Greening:
We've already asked. He won't let us.

Zak Gist:
Be creative.

Tom Greening:
Oh... right. OK.

Zak Gist:
Yes.

Tom Greening:
O-kay.

Zak Gist:
Good.

Tom Greening:
I read you. A-OK!

Zak Gist:
Now you just sound American. Stop it.

Bruno:
[of Zak] I wouldn't mess with him. He's wearing Egyptian cotton.

Zak Gist:
In your face, b*tch.

[after winning his case against Richard]

Tom Greening:
I'm so proud.

Zak Gist:
Pride's a sin, Tom.

Tom Greening:
I mean I'm so proud of you, Zak.

Zak Gist:
I may possess a modicum of chuffness.

[last lines]

Richard Pembroke:
Love you, Zak! Whooo!