Evil Dead: Regeneration

Ash:
I'll bet you ten to one... that hurt.

Sam:
Hey deadites! *Mind* your own business! Ha ha! Get it? Mind? You know, the deadites... possessions... losing it...

Ash:
[sarcastically] Good one, runt.

Sam:
Thanks. Wait a sec... I mean screw you!

Ash:
[holding a deadite head] What's that? You can't believe you just got your ass kicked by a one-handed nut job? What's that? Oh, you think I'm your daddy! Listen up, shake and bake, I eat evil for breakfast and danger for dinner, so spread the word. Ash... is back... in business.

Ash:
[to Sally] You know, I bet you could be some kind of a knockout if you traded in the granny wear for some high thigh stockings and a bra that pushed up your yams.

Ash:
Let's make a deal. You shut up now, and the next time I possess you, I won't pour hot coffee down your pants.

Dr. Reinhard:
Achtung, patients! As a reminder, patients are to service their own bedpans. We will not take crap from you! Und remember, nobody cares about you, like Sunny Meadows!

Sam:
Hey, who left the stove on? Know what this furnace reminds me of?

Ash:
I have no idea.

Sam:
Johnny Sticks. Him and me, we used to be connected.

Ash:
Connected to what? The union of verbally challenged half deadites?

Sam:
You know, "connected"! Me and Sticks, the guy was thin as a toothpick, we were top earners.

Ash:
I thought you were an ice cream driver.

Sam:
I was a lot of things, you know for cover. Me and Sticks used to pose as chimney sweeps, sneaking out of furnace vents with the loot. Sticks must have put on a couple of pounds cause he got himself stuck. Furnace comes on and *boom*! Then, err...

Ash:
And then you played "pick up sticks" right?

Sam:
I don't deserve sarcasm.

Ash:
You know, you starting to make me think that the world ending can be any more painful than listening to you!

Ash:
When you get to hell, tell 'em Ash sent ya!

Sam:
You ever got an itch you can reach but probably shouldn't be scratchin'? Hee hee!

Ash:
Can't you act like a normal corpse for just *two* minutes!

Sam:
So, you wanna swap stories on how we lost our virginity?

Ash:
Ever heard of a time out? Because the next "time" you talk, I'm gonna knock you the hell "out!"

Ash:
I need to cut back on my medication, or double it.

Ash:
Hey Napoleon, open that gate for me and make it snappy.

Sam:
I don't know who you think you are, but I demand respect!

Ash:
Oh, you want respect? Then stop complaining to my crotch!

Sam:
OOOOH! You just made a big mistake buddy, you've messed with the wrong midget! I'll shove my boot so far up your ass, you need a shoe horn to swallow!

Ash:
Well, even your temper's short!

Sam:
The portal's is this way. We'll need to find a way around.

Ash:
No, no. YOU need to find away around.

Sam:
Don't push me, two-stroke!

Sam:
Don't you just hate long silences?

Ash:
This is crazy, even for a nut house!

Ash:
Have you ever heard the phrase, "Ask a stupid question, eat a chainsaw"?

Sam:
Wanna see a party trick? Gimme a watch and twenty bucks!

Ash:
Runt, I'm about two ticks away from cleaning your clock!

Sam:
Oh sure. Pick on the one dead guy NOT trying to waste you!

Ash:
Come on Sam, what's a little decapitation between friends?

Ash:
[staring at the Rail Boss] Nice mug! Any relation?

Sam:
Why do you gotta keep busting my balls?

Rail Boss:
FRESH SOULS!

Ash:
[cocking his boomstick] Okay, enough! Time to give Junior his bottle!

Ash:
Stupid book... Stupid Knowby! I'd like to give this egghead a boomstick migraine!

Sam:
Y'a know, you really need to work on your anger issues!

Sam:
The portal should be on the far side of this forrest...

Ash:
Tone down, runt. These threes have ears... evil ears!

Ash:
[after reacquiring his trusty chainsaw] Hahahah! Now THIS is therapy!

Ash:
[seeing Sparky getting electrocuted] Hmmm... seems like someone ordered extra crispies!

Ash:
[facing Sparky] Conserve your energy, Sparky, 'cause you will need every stickin' volt!

Ash:
Um, sorry to interupt your beauty sleep lady...

Necromancer Queen:
[turning around and hissing] Heeeeeeh.

Ash:
Whoa, let's not kid ourselves, it'd take a few million more winks to make a dent in that grill.

Necromancer Queen:
Souls.

Ash:
Alright if that's the way you want it...

[draws boomstick]

Ash:
...come get some

Ash:
Got time for one more session, Doc? I'm ready to resolve my anger issues!

Sam:
You what I miss about being alive? Pedicures!

Sam:
[to a vanishing Knowby head] Now why don't you make like a nose, and run! You... big nose!

Ash:
Oooh, that's telling him [!]

Sam:
[to Reinhard] Why don't you just... go hump a stump

[a very long pause during which Reinhard looks confused. then... ]

Ash:
Er, maybe you should leave the witty banter to me

Ash:
Say, Sam, I smell methane. Was that you or something else?

Sam:
Sorry.

Ash:
Hey, watch yourself stubby!

Sam:
Who you calling stubby?

[points to Ash's right stub]

Ash:
Grr...

[Reinhard is about to sacrifice Sally when he gets shot from behind by Ash]

Ash:
Knock, knock.

Sally:
ASH!

Dr. Reinhard:
ASH!... impossible.

[Ash and Sam recoil from Dr. Reinhard's ugliness]

Ash:
We should consider ourselves lucky runt, he could of set up shop in the house of mirrors.

Dr. Reinhard:
I underestimated you Ash, and you too Sam. how are you my little failed experiment? Still DEAD I'm guessing?

Sam:
Real funny you sadistic nutjob, why don't you... go hump a stump!

[everyone pauses for a minute and Reinhard looks confused]

Ash:
Er, why don't you let me handle the witty banter from now on?

Ash:
[to the Deadite Rail Boss] Nice mug!

[to Sam]

Ash:
Any relations?

Sam:
Why do you gotta keep busting on my balls?

Rail Boss:
[roaring at Ash & Sam] FRESH... SOULS!

Ash:
[pointing his boomstick towards the giant Deadite] Okay, enough! Time to give Junior his bottle!

Ash:
Cranky Pants Games.

Sam:
Who's the frickin' genius who came up with that name?