Extract

Suzie:
Who'd you want to have an affair with, anyway?

Joel:
Just some criminal drifter.

Dean:
[as Brad walks out of the bar] There he goes... Johnny Horsecock.

Joel:
What is it with women? Y'know, they say they don't care about looks - they just want a guy who's smart and funny - but they always just end up laughing at whatever the good-looking stupid guy says.

Joel:
If I don't get home before 8, she puts on the sweatpants.

Joel:
And once the sweatpants are on, I get nothing.

Dean:
[Looking at Cindy through the office window] Damn! She work here?

Joel:
Yes, she's a temp.

Dean:
She's a tramp?

Joel:
"Temp!"

Joe Adler:
I should fire all 3 of you. Cuz you laughed at me when I bought those bus stop bench ads. But this Step guy, he's the Holy Grail. See if both his balls had been knocked clean off, it'd be a good case, but not a great case. and with no balls, he's no man at all. The jury will never feel they can walk in the shoes of a ball-less neutered He-She freak. But Step! He's got one ball! Barely. But to a jury, he's still a man. And that man is hanging on by a thread. I'M TELLING YOU, THIS MAN IS A F***ING POWERBALL. THIS GUY IS A... Oh hello. I'm Joe Adler.

Brad:
Hey you weren't supposed to be here for another 4 hours... What happened to your face?

Joel:
same thing...! Your face is going to look like my face if I ever... ! Actually, your face is going to look worse than mine if...

Joel:
What if I tell her you did it all for money? How about that Ding-Ding?

Brian:
Hey and I need to fire Hector. You know, cuz of What's-her-face's purse and Dinkus' wallet.

Dean:
That's how we're gonna solve all our modern problems. Wisdom of the ancients.

Dean:
You should try smoking a little pot.

Joel:
That's a drug.

Dean:
It's not a drug. It's a flower.

Dean:
[Comes into in Joel's office. He sees Cindy for the first time and is dumbfounded. Turns to Joel] Oh, damn! Goodness. [Back to Cindy, warmly shakes hands with her] Hi. Dean. Entrepreneur, spiritualist, healer.

Dean:
You know, I'm starting to think this might have been a mistake.

Joel:
Really?

Dean:
Maybe it was my fault, you know?, maybe it was your fault.

Joel:
No, it's yours.

Dean:
A lot of blame to go around here. I think there are some people who just aren't meant to do drugs, *Joel*. I think you're one of those people, man.

Joel:
I think that I just got distracted with Dean, and the drugs, and the gigolos.

Dean:
You need to take some Xanax.

Joel:
Xanax? Isn't that for anxiety?

Dean:
It's good for all psychological problems in the DSM-IV. Xanax basically just makes you feel good. That's why it works for *everything*. I take it for the common head cold!

Rory:
I don't want to work at Southwest Airlines. They make you do the limbo. I would be the laughingstock of the grindcore community.