Fast Forward

Narrator:
Now settle back and get ready to be thrilled into lots of little pieces as India Rubber Jones and his quite good friend Cheese Plant wrestle with rare, swampnesting carpetslippers, wired up ferocious giant gerbils and a whippercutting master of disguise known only as 'Agent Teapot'. In this weeks weekly adventure we find our two heroes stranded in the vast Curisicobiharah desert.

India Rubber Jones:
Well Cheeseplant, for ten days we've been stranded in this vast desert. No food, no water, no hope. If I wasn't such a superhero, I'd probably break down and do something soppy like 'cry'.

Cheese Plant:
Gee, India Rubber, look: I found something.

India Rubber Jones:
What's that, C.P.?

Cheese Plant:
A coconut! A coconut! We're saved! Do you realize what this means?

India Rubber Jones:
Yes, Cheese Plant! It means there must be a funfair somewhere. Bags I have first go at getting the ping pong balls into the goldfish bowls! [runs off]

Narrator:
And so once again, as the sun sets on Old MacDonald's farm, I.R. and C.P. have come through again. Be prepared to be gripped by another gripping adventure next week on... The Adventures!

Narrator:
Well once again it's time for another thrilling episode of The Adventurers, starring India Rubber Jones and his cheerful chum, Cheese Plant. This week I.R. and C.P. find the situation hotter than a bowl of chili in an Eskimo's overcoat, as we find them halfway up the little known Haramuatuchi mountain searching for the lost gold of the ancient Yeti warriors.

Cheese Plant:
Say, say, India Rubber, oops, we must be getting close to the ancient Yeti warrior's lost gold.

India Rubber Jones:
Sure thing, Cheese Plant old pal, but don't talk too loud, you could start an avalanche.

Cheese Plant:
Huh, what did you say, I.R.? I couldn't quite here you.

India Rubber Jones:
I said: don't talk too loud, you could start an avalanche.

Cheese Plant:
What? What's that about a branch?

India Rubber Jones:
Avalanche, Cheese Plant. Don't talk too loud.

Cheese Plant:
A ranch? Up here? I shouldn't think so. It's too steep for the little cows to climb up.

Cheese Plant:
Not a ranch, Cheese Plant, avalanche. Don't talk too loud.

Cheese Plant:
Heh heh, a dance? A dance on the side of a mountain? It's not very safe you know.

India Rubber Jones:
[raises his voice] I never mentioned a dance, I said don't talk to loud. You might start an ava - [I.R. talks too loud, thereby starting an avalanche]

Cheese Plant:
I say, I.R., I wouldn't talk too loud if I were you, you might start an avalanche.

Ancient Yeti Warrior:
Don't worry about the gold guys, I found it thanks to you.

Narrator:
And so another more dangerous than a runaway eighteen foot snail story comes to a happy ending. Tune in next week for another daring adventure of... The Adventurers.

Narrator:
Once again, the everlasting duo, India Rubber Jones and his sort of good chum Cheese Plant, find themselves in a situation more impossible than a trapeze flying haddock. This week, I.R. and C.P. are found in deepest Apache country.

India Rubber Jones:
Well, Cheese Plant, here we are in deepest Apache Country, 200 miles from nowhere.

Cheese Plant:
I.R.?

India Rubber Jones:
Yes, C.P.?

Cheese Plant:
Why?

India Rubber Jones:
We wait to rendezvous with great Apache leader.

Queen Big Ho-ho:
How.

India Rubber Jones:
Simple, really, we just stand here until she shows up and then we...

Cheese Plant:
[interrupting] Eh no, I.R.,

[coughs]

Cheese Plant:
I think she means 'how' as in 'hi gang'.

India Rubber Jones:
Of course she does. You've heard of Princess Mini-Ha-ha?

Cheese Plant:
Sure thing, I.R.

India Rubber Jones:
This is her sister, Queen Big Ho-ho.

Cheese Plant:
You don't say?

[India Rubber does not say]

Cheese Plant:
Oh. Okay, Queen Big Ho-ho, when shall we three meet again to smoke the pipe of peace?

Queen Big Ho-ho:
When buffalo come once more to graze upon young grass that runs beside the river. When the eagle makes his nest in tall rock across the yellow valley. When the sun sets beyond the mountains and the moon is born again in basket of great walking woman who strides the seven hills. And brother beaver once more make his home of mud and branches in lower folk of river. When Arapaho braves are seen no more in blue meadow. Beneath the red clouds weeping. Then we shall meet.

Cheese Plant:
When's that, I.R.?

India Rubber Jones:
Half past three.

Cheese Plant:
Oh.

Narrator:
And so another more exciting than doing the waltzing watusi with Wayne Sleep adventure comes to a close. India Rubber Jones and Cheese Plant appear by kind permission of their mums.