Father's Little Dividend

Stanley Banks:
Now look Ellie, I know how anxious you've been to get your hooks into that baby, but the answer is NO. I've been through all that you know, the two o'clock feedings, the colic and the measles & all the rest of it & I'm not going through all of it again, especially with somebody else's baby

Ellie Banks:
[plaintively] It wouldn't be like that, Stanley, it'll be fun to have a baby

Stanley Banks:
You can go over and see the baby at their apartment when they get it all washed & ironed, but it's not coming here and THAT'S FINAL!

Stanley Banks:
[Telephone rings at night] Hello. Buckley, do you know what time it is? It's a quarter to three.

Buckley Dunstan:
I'm sorry, I didn't realize. Is Kay there?

Stanley Banks:
[Sarcastically] But of course she, where would she be? [Whispers] Hello, I'll take this downstairs, hang on [Puts down the receiver & quietly tiptoes downstairs to hall, then picks up the extension phone] What do you mean. is she here?

Buckley Dunstan:
Well, I thought if she were there I could come & pick her up if she were there.

Stanley Banks:
When did she leave? What time did she leave?

Buckley Dunstan:
I don't know, I've been out for a few hours, I just got back a little while ago.

Stanley Banks:
What was it, a fight? [Long pause] DID you have a FIGHT?

Buckley Dunstan:
We had an argument, yes. Look if anything happens to her, I'll kill myself.

Stanley Banks:
Don't worry, I'll do it for you. Did she take anything, a bag or anything?

Buckley Dunstan:
She took her hatbox, umbrella & toilet case & a toothbrush.

Stanley Banks:
Don't worry about it then, if she took her toothbrush, she's not headed for the river.

Stanley Banks:
[at the announcement event] Kay was being passed about like a loving cup.

Stanley Banks:
[to Ellie] You're more excited about this baby than you were any of ours.

Stanley Banks:
[after someone called him 'Grampa' at the announcement event] Somewhere there was a fly in the ointment... Grampa, that was the fly. Grampa.