Fifty Shades of Black

Christian:
[on Fifty Shades of Grey] Who wrote this sh*t - a third grader?

Christian Black:
I got my money the way most black entrepreneurs got theirs.

Hannah Steele:
Real estate?

Christian Black:
Drug dealing.

Hannah Steele:
Um, are you stalking me, Mr. Black?

Christian Black:
Hahaha! Yes.

Hannah Steele:
[after Christian buys cable ties and tape] If I didn't know better, I might mistake you for a serial killer.

Christian Black:
Haha, don't be ridiculous. If I was a serial killer I'd need rope, ax, lye, ammonia, chloropill, wood chipper, plastic sheets, and three large boxes of space pampers! And a shovel. On second thought, I think I need to pick up a few more items.

Hannah Steele:
You want me to be somebody that I am not.

Christian Black:
No, no. It's not me that's changing you, it's you that's changing me!

Hannah Steele:
Wait a minute... that's a line from the movie Radio.

Christian Black:
No it's not.

Hannah Steele:
Yeah, yeah. The movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. where he played this mentally disabled athlete. "It's not us that's teaching Radio, it's Radio that's teaching us"!

Christian Black:
Nah, my- mine is way different.

Hannah Steele:
It's the same premise.

Christian Black:
You complete me?

Hannah Steele:
Jerry Maguire, also starring Cuba Gooding Jr. I don't understand your whole fixation on him.

Christian Black:
You know, all this time I thought I wasn't in the right place, but I was!

Hannah Steele:
That's Snowdogs.

Christian Black:
Goddammit! I gotta stop binging on Netflix.

Ron:
[about Hannah's stepdads] You know the old saying: it takes a village, and it's true, especially when it comes to your mom being a gutter slut and the village is a gangbang.

[Christian scans his wall of whips, including those from Glory, Roots, Django Unchained, 10 Years a Slave, and finally Joe Jackson, which is a belt]

Christian Black:
Nothing says ass whipping like good ol' Joe Jackson.