Finder's Fee

[first lines]

Tepper:
[knocking on her door] Mrs. Darmsetter? Hey... You left your door open again.

Mrs. Darmsetter:
Heaven sake, I wonder how did that happen.

Tepper:
Yes well, how is everything?

Mrs. Darmsetter:
Well, I'm worried about my mail. I think someone's stealing it. Because I haven't received any letters from my kids in a long time, and they always write.

Tepper:
Well, are they taking all your mail or just the letters?

Mrs. Darmsetter:
Just the letters. You'd think they'd take everything else, wouldn't you? They don't.

Bolan:
When's the last time you loved yourself?

Quigley:
Okay Bolan, ya know what ya gotta stop with? The therapy.

Bolan:
It's not therapy this time. It's a seminar...

Bolan:
So I'm in a little green closet with Big Butt magazine, suspecting that my semen isn't potent, and you want me to leave it on the shelf?

Bolan:
So I, I left it on the shelf.

Fishman:
Whad'ya do with the magazine?