Five Easy Pieces

Bobby:
I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.

Waitress:
A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?

Bobby:
Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.

Waitress:
You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

Bobby:
I want you to hold it between your knees.

Palm Apodaca:
Fantastic that you could figure that all out and lie that down on her so you could come up with a way to get your toast. Fantastic!

Bobby:
Yeah, well, I didn't get it, did I?

Palm Apodaca:
No, but it was very clever. I would have just punched her out.

Palm Apodaca:
Hey, follow that truck. They know the best places to stop.

Rayette:
That's an old maid's tale.

Palm Apodaca:
Bullshit! Truck drivers are the only ones that know the best places to stop on the road.

Rayette:
Salesmen and cops are the ones. If you'd ever waitressed, honey, you'd know that.

Palm Apodaca:
Don't call me honey, mac.

Rayette:
Don't call me mac, honey.

Palm Apodaca:
You know, I read where they, uh, invented this car that runs on, ummm... that runs on, ummm... when you boil water?

Terry:
Steam.

Palm Apodaca:
Right, steam. A car that you could ride around in and not cause a stink. But do you know they will not even let us have it? Can you believe it? Why? Man! He likes to create a stink! I mean, I've seen filth that you wouldn't believe. Ugh! What a stink! I don't even want to talk about it.

Palm Apodaca:
People. Animals are not like that. They're always cleaning themselves. Did you ever see, umm... pigeons? Well, he's always picking on himself and his friends. They're always picking bugs out of their hair all the time. Monkeys too. Except they do something out in the open that I don't go for.

Rayette:
I'm not.

Bobby:
You're just gonna sit here?

Rayette:
Yes.

Bobby:
Okay. I hope no one hits on you.

Rayette:
I hope they do.

Bobby:
I move around a lot, not because I'm looking for anything really, but 'cause I'm getting away from things that get bad if I stay.

Bobby:
That's dangerous, you know.

Catherine:
Riding?

Bobby:
Mm-hmm. You play the piano all day and then jump on a horse, you could get cramps.

Bobby:
What are you doing screwing around with all this crap?

Catherine:
I do not find your language very charming.

Bobby:
It isn't. It's direct.

Catherine:
I'd like you to leave so that I can take a bath. Is that direct?

Bobby:
What else do you do?

Catherine:
Well, there's fishing, boating, and concerts on the mainland.

Catherine:
I feel funny telling you this. This is really your home. You probably know better than I what there is to do.

Bobby:
Nothing.

Catherine:
Nothing?

Bobby:
Nothing.

Catherine:
Well, it must be very boring for you here.

Bobby:
That's right.

Catherine:
I find that very hard to comprehend. I don't think I've ever been bored. Excuse me.

Catherine:
You're a strange person, Robert. I mean, what will you come to? If a person has no love for himself, no respect for himself, no love of his friends, family, work, something -- how can he ask for love in return? I mean, why should he ask for it?

Betty:
When I was four, just four years old, I went to my mother and I said, "What's this hole in my chin?" -- I saw this dimple in my chin in the mirror, and didn't know what it was. And my mother said -- get what my mother says -- she says, "When you're born, you go on a assembly line past God, and if He likes you, He says,

Betty:
"You cute little thing!" and you get dimples there. And if He doesn't like you, He goes,

Betty:
"Go away." So about six months later, my mother found me saying my prayers, and I was going,

Betty:
"Now I lay me down to sleep... " My mother says, "What are you covering up your chin for?" And I said, "Because if I cover up the hole, maybe He'll listen to me."

Rayette:
That was real good, wasn't it? I finally did it!

Bobby:
Great. You throw the big Z's for 19 frames, and then you throw a strike on the last ball of a losing game. Wonderful. Just wonderful.

Bobby:
Isn't that wonderful, ladies?

Twinky:
Are you talking to us?

Bobby:
Wonderful.

Rayette:
You love me, Bobby?

Bobby:
What do you think?

Bobby:
I said don't point at her, you pompous celibate!