Follow the Sun

Kitty:
Well, what's buggin' you?

Jason Berry:
*We're going to get into trouble.* I just know!

Kitty:
Maybe you're in the wrong racket, baby. You ought to be a fortune teller, not a medium.

Jason Berry:
I don't want to be in *any* racket. We were doing all right with the act.

Kitty:
Oh, sure we were. We were a smash. That's why our agent only booked us in the better clubs - The Butterfly Room in Oxnard, The San Luis Obispo Sierra Court... We were nowhere!

[Jason stumbles upon Winifred dancing in her medium's robes]

Dr. Berry Valentine:
What, again? Look, if you must do "The Twist" you might as well learn how to do it properly.

Kitty:
Honey, you coulda been great!

Dr. Berry Valentine:
What do you mean, "coulda"? Just because people didn't pay to see me doesn't change the fact that I'm terrific!

Paul Templin:
Don't say I didn't warn you, Kahuna.

Dr. Berry Valentine:
Kahuna? What's that?

Paul Templin:
It's an old Hawaiian word - it means witch doctor, Doctor.

[the St. John clan have gathered for a s?ance]

Dr. Berry Valentine:
Katherine. Katherine! Can you tell us whether Terrence St. John will appear for his beloved family and his friends?

Lilli St. John:
Terrence, please say you will! It would mean so much to me.

Kitty:
[speaking in a daze] He cannot grant your request.

Lilli St. John:
Oh. Oh, what a shame.

Vance St. John:
[whispering] Father hasn't changed much, has he?

Meredith St. John:
[whispering] I daresay she's too much of a lady to quote him verbatim.

[last lines]

Lilli St. John:
[speaking to her rosebush] Oh, Terrence, isn't it wonderful the way everything worked out?

[the rosebush shakes violently and a ghostly laugh is heard]

Lilli St. John:
Oh, good.

[throughout Paul's lengthy phone conversation, Ben has been typing furiously]

Paul Templin:
Do you realize he's been pounding on that thing without let up since seven this morning?

Eric Jason:
He's a writer, remember?

Paul Templin:
That's no excuse. Drag him down to the beach! Pour sand in his ears! Anything! That kind of energy is indecent.

[discussing a mob hitman that Eric recognized on the beach]

Ben Gregory:
We are talking about the same guy - the guy with the neon shirt?

Eric Jason:
What did you expect him to wear to the beach - a snap-brimmed hat and a shoulder holster?

Ben Gregory:
Well, he could at least have a scar on his face or something.

Eric Jason:
Oh, gangsters don't loo like gangsters anymore - they look like businessmen. When you see someone who looks like a gangster, he's probably a literary agent.

[Ben wants to borrow $50 from Kathy's desk so they can flee from a mob hitman]

Eric Jason:
Ben...

Ben Gregory:
You're right - death before dishonor. Makes a nice epitaph.

[Kathy loans Ben and Eric fifty dollars]

Ben Gregory:
We'll never forget this, Kathy.

Kathy Richards:
I'll keep reminding you!

[to his bound and gagged prisoners]

Steve Bixel:
You know what you've done to me? You've not only loused up my vacation, but my vocation as well!

Eric Jason:
Where's the beach portable?

Kathy Richards:
That wigwam with a peppermint stripe?

Eric Jason:
The record player!

Kathy Richards:
It's with the scuba equipment.

[Eric has discovered that a clerk is really a great jazz pianist thought to have died in a train wreck thirty years before]

Pinky Hamilton:
If you tell another soul, I shall sue you for defamation of character, for slander and libel and I shall take away your last penny and possession. You have heard my last word. Watch it!

Eric Jason:
I have the perfect defense, Mr. Winters.

Pinky Hamilton:
And that is what?

Eric Jason:
Your photograph... and it says your name is Pinky Hamilton. As a matter of fact, it looks exactly like you. Oh, don't take it too hard, Mr. Winters. Like I told you, it's money in the bank. You can quit that little old desk job, buy a sloop and follow the sun!

Pinky Hamilton:
Look that's all gone now. That's out of my life!

Joe Scranton:
You don't have to get nervous, Pinky. He thinks I came here to kill him.

Pinky Hamilton:
I'm sure of it.

Joe Scranton:
You see, he's got it stuck in his head. Crazy... I hold a grudge ten years, maybe twenty, but there is a statute of limitations. It's been a long time since I wanted to rub you out, Pinky.

Eric Jason:
The way he talks - sometimes I get the sneaky feeling he just wants to be friendly.

Pinky Hamilton:
Boy, I can tell you weren't raised in Chicago.

Eric Jason:
But he acts like he's lonesome, like a Civil War veteran when they're all dying out.

Pinky Hamilton:
You're sayin' after a guy knocks off all his buddies, he's gotta turn to his enemies for company.

Eric Jason:
Don't knock it, Pinky. Let's hope it's so.

Pinky Hamilton:
You know what "Chicago Style" really means? A big show of brotherly love while somebody's pouring prussic acid in your soup.

[discussing Paul's article about Linda Laurence]

Kathy Richards:
I loved the pictures. Why they even printed it is beyond me.

Paul Templin:
Kathy, let me explain something to you about the magazine business. 'The Truth about Crash Diets', 'Is Your Marriage Going on the Rocks', 'Who Cares What Happened to Linda Laurence' - it's teaser articles like that that sell magazines... and pay your salary.

Kathy Richards:
It's a *wonderful* article!

Franklyn Davis:
I've put up with everything, but not this-this wild confession routine. What the heck is all that? You have lovely hands, baby, but I don't like them around my throat.

Linda Laurence:
I'm the one who can't breathe.

[Bradley wants Lisle, who is posing as Ben Gregory to tell him who owns a valuable oriental scroll]

Darby Lisle:
The gentleman will not sell the scroll.

Carl Bradley:
I have $200,000 that says he will.

Darby Lisle:
Check or cash?

Carl Bradley:
Cash is quicker and it makes a taller pile.

[message left on Ben Gregory's tape recorder]

Leland F. Harmon:
Ben Gregory, I need a ghost. I want to give you my story, but there's one condition. Half of what you get for it has to go to a flyer's widow with three children. Her husband was killed in Korea. Betty's had a rough time since I... since she... well, it's the weirdest story you'll ever write. You see, I'm a ghost. I've been dead for ten years.

[discussing the mysterious break-in at Ben's apartment by "The Ghost"]

Lt. Frank Roper:
You got a Number 2 priority.

Ben Gregory:
Yeah? What's Number 1?

Lt. Frank Roper:
The two stiffs on the grounds of the Hale Malia Hotel.

Ben Gregory:
What?

Lt. Frank Roper:
Two slugs in one and one in the other. Maybe .38 caliber.

Ben Gregory:
Did they kill each other?

Lt. Frank Roper:
Nope - only one gun.

Ben Gregory:
Were they hotel guests?

Lt. Frank Roper:
No identification and nobody at the hotel recognized them. We're checking it out. So as much as I'd like to stay and play "haunted house" with you...

[discussing whether Kia's amnesia might be faked]

Lt. Roper:
You might be on to something.

Eric Jason:
What are you going to do about it?

Lt. Roper:
There's nothing I *can* do. As I told Paul over the telephone, as far as we're concerned, this department no longer has any official interest in her.

Eric Jason:
And unofficially?

Lt. Roper:
We don't have time to be unofficial.

[the police have just arrested the men tailing Kia]

Eric Jason:
All right, get your coat. We're getting out of here. If those guys come back, I have a hunch they're going to use their teeth, not just their eyes.

[last lines]

Eric Jason:
Kia? Kia? Kia, what are you doing here? How did you get away?

Kia:
Sumarit. When I reached the ship and was about to go to the stateroom, he stopped me.

Eric Jason:
And?

Kia:
He said nothing; only took my hand and led me back to the rail and he finally spoke. "Choose", he said.

Eric Jason:
Sumarit said that?

Kia:
Then, when I couldn't, he said I already had.

Eric Jason:
I can't believe it.

Kia:
He said you'd say that. And he said one more thing for me to tell you.

Eric Jason:
What was that?

Kia:
That because you were right this one time, he hopes you won't interpret it as a sign of infallibility.

[Eric and Kia embrace]

[first lines]

[Kathy is fighting her way through a crowded Christmas tree lot]

Kathy Richards:
Excuse me, please.

Christmas Tree Salesman:
Can I help you, Madam?

Kathy Richards:
Yes, I'd think I'll take this tree - it's pretty. How much is it?

Christmas Tree Salesman:
Three dollars.

Male Tourist:
[reading a sign] Mayo Kalakylophoey. What the heck is that?

Kathy Richards:
Mele Kalikimaka - that's Merry Christmas in Hawaiian.

Male Tourist:
Isn't that a strange way of putting it, Miss?

Kathy Richards:
Well, you see, when the missionaries gave the Hawaiians their written language, they left out the r's, s's and t's. Without those letters, the closest the Hawaiians could come to saying Merry Christmas is...

Kathy Richards, Male Tourist, Female Tourist:
Mele Kalikimaka.

Christmas Tree Salesman:
Your change, Miss.

Kathy Richards:
[to the tourists] Mele Kalikimaka!

Male Tourist:
Mele Kalikimaka. How do you like that?

Kathy Richards:
You make me sick.

Eric Jason:
Sick about what?

Kathy Richards:
You talk about Christmas like it was no good for anything except making money.

Ben Gregory:
What else is Christmas good for except making money?

Kathy Richards:
What else? That's the one day family and friends get together and show their love for each other! It's the one time when everybody gives instead of takes. I know that means nothing to you two sophisticates, but it's mighty important to the rest of the world.

Ben Gregory:
[to Eric] Do you tell her, or do I?

Eric Jason:
You.

Ben Gregory:
Look you around, young lady. Gaze you upon the shopping tills. Give ear to the criers and the voyeurs of the marketplace. If you had an ounce of sense in your beautiful cotton-pickin' head, you will observe that Christmas is nothing but a billion-dollar hoax thrust upon a gullible public.

Eric Jason:
Other people get their share of the loot - why shouldn't we get ours?

Ben Gregory:
Yeah! A poor starving author and his loyal helper.

Kathy Richards:
You're hopeless.

[Kathy agrees to loan Ben $100 in an effort to cause Fogarty to develop a Christmas spirit]

Kathy Richards:
You know why I'm giving you this?

Eric Jason:
Why?

Kathy Richards:
Because I hope just a little tiny bit of what happens to Mr. Fogarty rubs off on you.

Eric Jason:
It will! It will!

Ben Gregory:
[to Kathy] You will be the wiser and we will be the richer!

Ben Gregory:
So our Scrooge took off like a flying fish. That doesn't mean it won't come out all right on paper.

Kathy Richards:
On paper! What about those people, those widows and orphans?

Ben Gregory:
Simple. We make our Scrroge get the Christmas spirit like he was supposed to and all those widows and orphans will be happy as clams at high tide.

Kathy Richards:
Mister Fogarty's not Scrooge; you're Scrooge - both of you! And you can keep on being Scrooges for all I care. If that's what it takes to be a writer, I don't want any part of it! And I don't care if I ever see either one of you again!

[last lines]

[Ben pulls a Christmas gift from his pocket]

Ben Gregory:
Let's see now - this one is for a Miss Kathy Richards.

Kathy Richards:
What?

Ben Gregory:
If she's been a good girl.

[Kathy opens the box to find a necklace, earrings and a wad of cash]

Kathy Richards:
My hundred dollars! It's lovely.

Ben Gregory:
Mele Kalikimaka.

Kathy Richards:
[reading the card] "From a couple of Scrooges"... A couple of ex-Scrooges.

[Kathy kisses Ben and Eric]

Eric Jason:
Oh, ho-ho-ho! Mele Kalikimaka now!

Jill Rainey:
You're probably a very nice guy, Mister...

Paul Templin:
Paul Templin. Not married, not misunderstood, not even lonely - just interested.

Jill Rainey:
In me, or in Jill Rainey.

Paul Templin:
In what I see. Anything you want to tell me out of the goodness of your heart is up to you. How 'bout that drink?

Jill Rainey:
Well, it's pretty late...

Paul Templin:
I know a place where it's early.

[Eric closely examines a photograph of a clown in make-up, but without his false nose]

Kathy Richards:
What's your trouble?

Eric Jason:
It's this face. You know me - I never forget a face.

Kathy Richards:
All you can see is his nose.

Eric Jason:
So I never forget a nose... You know something, Kathy - this guy is no clown.

Eric Jason:
I spent the whole afternoon at the library looking up clowns - clowns in general and clowns specific.

Ben Gregory:
And?

Eric Jason:
Well, I can't identify him yet, but I found something else. Did you know that clowns' names and make-up are copyrighted? I mean that there's an unwritten agreement among them that nobody - but nobody! - will copy their make-up. It's kind of a clown's trademark.

Ben Gregory:
What's that got to do with Tippy?

Eric Jason:
A great deal - you see, Tippy's dead.

[first lines]

Sentry:
Yes sir?

Paul Templin:
My name is Paul Templin, Corporal. I'm to meet a Lt. Collins here.

Sentry:
Oh, yes sir. You're the writer who's going to cover the retirement ceremonies tomorrow.

Paul Templin:
That's right.

Sentry:
Mm-hmm.

Collins:
Mr. Templin? I'm Lieutenant Collins, public relations officer. Good to see ya. Are you in good health?

Paul Templin:
Well, that's a courtly greeting from a Marine.

Collins:
Oh, it's not a greeting. You're going to have to be healthy.

Paul Templin:
I'm not here for basic training, Lieutenant. I'm only going to cover the retirement of Sergeant Major Kolchak.

Collins:
Mr. Templin, welcome to World War III.

Paul Templin:
This Kolchak must be quite a guy - Congressional medal, two Navy Crosses, half a dozen wars, forty years of service...

Collins:
Forty years, seven months and twenty-two days as of tomorrow.

Paul Templin:
That's pretty exact.

Collins:
I've been keeping track.

Sergeant Kolchak:
[yelling behind his office door] Who did this! Get out before I break you all in two! What are you waiting for, a furlough?

Paul Templin:
Lieutenant Collins...?

Sergeant Kolchak:
[still yelling in his office] What kind of waltzing academy do you think we're running here, you hammer-headed peanut brain!

Collins:
Yes, Mr. Templin?

Paul Templin:
What is all that?

Collins:
All what, Mr. Templin?

Paul Templin:
In there - that sound. Oh, you're not going to tell me...

Collins:
Yes, Mr. Templin, that is Sergeant Kolchak.

Sergeant Kolchak:
This here's a business office - what's yours?

Collins:
Sergeant Kolchak, this is Paul Templin.

Sergeant Kolchak:
He's a civilian.

Paul Templin:
It's a living.

Sergeant Kolchak:
And a wisenheimer to boot.

Collins:
He's here from Pace Magazine, Sergeant Major. I spoke you about the piece they wanted to do about you.

Sergeant Kolchak:
Oh, yeah. You're a writer, huh?

Paul Templin:
I like to think so.

Sergeant Kolchak:
Well, if you're not sure, you must be a dandy.

[discussing Kolchak]

Collins:
Welcome to the club, Mr. Templin.

Paul Templin:
Is he always like that?

Collins:
No, no no no. Sometimes he's quite bad-tempered.

Marine Cleaning Rifle:
[on Kolchak] Him joining the Corps was the best thing that ever happened - to the Army!

Fulton:
In my opinion, he's the best Marine in the Corps and, for my money, that makes him the best fighting man in the world.

Paul Templin:
Genghis Khan was probably pretty good, too, but Pace is a family magazine. General, I've talked to about 100 marines today and you're the first that's had a good word for him.

Fulton:
Well, I've known The Crippler for almost 40 years. The man you saw today is just part of him - the Sergeant Major part. He's a good story, but Claude Kolchak - he's a better one.

Paul Templin:
Well, what's that supposed to mean?

Fulton:
If you're a good writer, you'll find out - and you'll be rewarded. You'll be at the ceremonies tomorrow afternoon?

Paul Templin:
Unfortunately, General, I'll do almost anything for money.

[discussing Kolchak]

Paul Templin:
Well, whatever else you can say about him - he was a first-class fighting man.

Tamiko:
There's so much else you could say.

Paul Templin:
Not for Danger Publications there isn't - gore, goo, blood and thunder, and a little more gore.

Tachikawa:
Kolchak-san, the way of the warrior binds a samurai to the life of duty, morality and compassion. I remembered only duty and morality; you remembered compassion. I think the day the first Japanese child became your child the honored soul of Prince Hanaka entered the heaven of his ancestors. I honor you, Kolchak-san, samurai of your country.

[last lines]

[Kolchak hands Paul an envelope]

Paul Templin:
For me? Sergeant Major, you shouldn't. What is it?

Sergeant Kolchak:
That beer you had at my place, remember?

Paul Templin:
Yeah.

Sergeant Kolchak:
Ya told me to bill ya. That's the bill - four bits. And don't send me no checks, boy. You got shifty eyes.

Earl Patton:
Alright now, I'll tell you all about Earl Patton and you ain't gonna believe a word of it.

Ben Gregory:
Don't have to, so long as it's good copy and it sells.

Earl Patton:
Well, if I told you any more about Earl Patton, you'd have enough to blackmail me. 'Course, if you got any questions, why go ahead.

Ben Gregory:
Well, they'd drum me out of the Press Club if I didn't ask you this one - how do you like Honolulu?

Earl Patton:
Hellacious swell.

Ben Gregory:
How about you trip - business or strictly pleasure?

Earl Patton:
Well, if I do any business, it'll be a pleasure - you can quote me.

[Earl disarms Al Brand and knocks him unconscious]

Ben Gregory:
I guess you're gonna have to rewrite the end of that story.

Earl Patton:
I know!

Ben Gregory:
Wouldn't you know he'd carry a sissy-looking pistol like that?

Charlotte Randolph:
Mr. Jason, you don't really think Albert is guilty, do you?

Eric Jason:
No, I don't. He's not the type.

Charlotte Randolph:
Of course, it's difficult to say who *is* the type, isn't it?

Albert:
Eric, how can I convince you I didn't do it?

Eric Jason:
You can put that gun down for a start.

Eric Jason:
[to Albert] I don't trust anybody. You're alive, she's dead and you're worth four million dollars.

Eric Jason:
When I saw she could walk, I was sure she was behind the whole thing. We were going to put her in custody until we could figure out what to do - but then we found her shot.

Albert:
I didn't do it.

Lt. Langley:
How much did you say he was worth?

Eric Jason:
About four million.

Albert:
I didn't do it.

Eric Jason:
I think he's telling the truth.

[last lines]

Eric Jason:
Boy, they sure took to you in a hurry!

Albert:
Didn't they, though. It's wonderful how people love you when you give them four million dollars.

[referring to a club patron who is snapping his fingers as he grooves to a jazz riff]

Eric Jason:
And, *please*, don't feed the animals.

[discussing the actions of a counterfeit ring]

Carlisle:
Did they offer you any money?

Eric Jason:
Yeah, ten thousand dollars. I turned her down. If you guys would have told me this morning...

Carlisle:
We couldn't. We had to take the chance of you giving it back to her.

Eric Jason:
Why? Wasn't that a little risky?

Carlisle:
You're an amateur, Mr. Jason. This is no business for amateurs. If we had let you in on it, you'd have probably overplayed your hand and tipped the whole deal.

Eric Jason:
Well, it looks like you backed the wrong horse.

Carlisle:
Not necessarily. There's still a choice for you. Either you can retire as an amateur, Mr. Jason, or you can take your chances with us - as a professional.

[while on safari, Ben makes Linda a drink]

Ben Gregory:
Sorry, no ice.

Linda Tait:
That's why they call it, "The Dark Continent".

[toasting Ben]

Linda Tait:
To my favorite playboy - may his assets stay liquid and his watered stock never run dry.

Gentleman Johnny:
Good morning, Katherine, my girl.

Kathy Richards:
What are you doing here?

Gentleman Johnny:
I've got an early morning appointment with Paul. Not wanting to miss it, I decided to...

Kathy Richards:
Sleep here last night.

Gentleman Johnny:
Exactly.

Kathy Richards:
I'd better call Paul and wake him up. Otherwise it might be a late early morning appointment.

[Paul walks into the office]

Paul Templin:
Now there's loyalty for you - spreading the malicious rumor that I'm nothing but a late-sleeping beach boy.

Gentleman Johnny:
How 'bout that story, my boy?

Paul Templin:
Cappy, before you begin, I'm full up on stories about fish, flora, fauna, females...

Gentleman Johnny:
And Gentleman Johnny Pace?

Gentleman Johnny:
Well, I'll be a miserable son of a bob-tailed tuba player. Hello, Grady. You look good.

Grady Fallon:
Hello, Johnny. After 30 years, still hoofin' with your two left feet.

Gentleman Johnny:
Well, if this don't take the licorice jelly bean. So it was you and not Ted all the time.

Grady Fallon:
Ted's been dead for nearly ten years.

Gentleman Johnny:
Aw, I'm sorry. How did he wind up?

Grady Fallon:
A winner. Went straight after he did time. Ended up owning a part of a dry goods company. Died in bed - without his boots on.

Gentleman Johnny:
And you?

Grady Fallon:
I ended up doing what I said I'd do - finding you.

Gentleman Johnny:
Just for old time's sake, of course.

Grady Fallon:
What else?

Gentleman Johnny:
That's what I'd like to know.

Grady Fallon:
There's a couple of reasons - one in particular. I'll tell you after I do what I promising myself the pleasure of doing for 30 years.

Gentleman Johnny:
What's that?

Grady Fallon:
Beating that grin off your wiseguy kisser.

Gentleman Johnny:
Easy, Grady boy. These bones may be a little alcohol rusted, but it will be a chilly day in Lucifer's bailiwick when Johnny Pace can't wipe up the floor with Mrs. Fallon's little boy, Grady.

[last lines]

Gentleman Johnny:
[toasting] To you, Mrs. Pace.

Jeanette:
To us.

Gentleman Johnny:
Thirty years and you haven't changed a bit.

[Jeannette chuckles]

Gentleman Johnny:
C'mon, Duchess. What's on your mind?

Jeanette:
Thirty years and I'm glad you have.

[they kiss]