For the Boys

Dixie:
The thing you wanna avoid is outlasting everybody. Can you remember that?

Eddie:
Just relax and follow my lead.

Dixie:
Yeah. Right off a cliff.

Wally Fields:
What would I have to give you for one little kiss?

Loretta:
Chloroform.

Dixie:
Mind if I smoke?

Eddie:
I don't care if you burn.

Dixie:
What a prince.

Dixie:
Well... alone in the dark with thousands of men. There is a God after all!

Dixie:
You know, that son of ours is really something.

Eddie:
Why? What happened?

Dixie:
While I'm tucking him in bed last night, he suddenly says to me, "Mommy, is kissing dirty?"

Eddie:
Yeah? What'd you tell him?

Dixie:
I said to him, "Darling, sex between two people can be a beautiful thing."

Eddie:
Oh, yeah.

Dixie:
"But between four people... fantastic!"

Dixie:
You're gonna kill him you fill his head full of this crap!

Eddie:
Such as what?

Dixie:
Such as "Don't study," "Everything comes easy," "Life's a big party."

Eddie:
Oh, well, sounds good to me.

Dixie:
Oh yeah? You got three daughters. Why don't you give them the benefit of your wisdom?

Eddie:
Because my wisdom is for a son. I got a closet full of baseball cards...

Dixie:
Don't break my heart!

Eddie:
Alright. How long's it now been -- eight years Michael's dead?

Dixie:
You shut up!

Eddie:
No. You let me talk. Now enough is enough here. That boy needs a father. He needs a man in his life -- somebody he can talk to, somebody who can teach him, somebody who can show him.

Dixie:
What? How to screw the chorus girls?

Eddie:
Yeah, why not if he wants to... yeah, why not! That's life! Hey, I wish somebody was there to teach me how to kiss 'em, how to talk to 'em -- how to jack off!

Dixie:
What did you say?

Eddie:
That's right, lady! Who's gonna tell him it's alright -- that his thing won't fall off -- his mother? Why don't you put a dress on him and forget about it?

Dixie:
I would, but then you'd probably make a pass at him!

Dixie:
Shut the f*** up. It's Christmastime. I'm gonna sing you a little song.