Garfield: His 9 Lives

Creator:
Nice job, staff. You've designed the perfect animal: a cat. However, there is one finishing touch... give it nine lives!

[all exclaim]

Man:
Why nine lives?

Woman:
Everyone else only gets one life!

Creator:
Well, let's just say it'll make for a great plot of a story, okay?

Garfield:
I'd like to think I'll live forever, but hey, I'm only human. Here's a sneak preview of my ninth life.

Creator:
I feel like creating cat today.

Garfield's Mom:
[to the cook] No, you can't take him! He's too young.

Garfield:
Aw, come on Mom, I'm a big boy; I'm five minutes old now. Besides, I'm getting tired of hanging around the house all the time.

Garfield:
In my seventh life, I was a laboratory animal. To this day, every time I see a test tube, I throw up.

Garfield:
My third life was my favorite. My body grew old, but I never, never, never grew up.

Garfield:
I learned to think on my feet in my fourth life. Thinking was all right, I guess, but now I avoid it whenever possible.

Garfield:
[as Cave Cat] Who Big Bob?

Caveman:
Big Bob big! Big Bob bad! Big Bob go

[stomping]

Caveman:
whoomp whoomp whoomp! *Fear* Big Bob!

Garfield:
[about Odie] That's not a dog! That's a tongue with eyeballs! Feet! It's as though I know Odie from a former life. A bad one.

Garfield's Mom:
Welcome to the world, little fella. I think I'll call you Garfield. [Garfield emerges from the covers]

Garfield:
I'm hungry. Where are we, Mom?

Garfield's Mom:
In the kitchen of an Italian restaurant.

Garfield:
Are Italians good to eat? [crawls out of his box] Oomph!

Garfield's Mom:
[chuckling] You have a lot to learn, Garfield.

Junior:
Oooh, shucks! I don't see any surprise around here! Oooooh, sometimes that Blackbart makes me so maaaaaad!

Garfield:
Garfield the newborn kitten is getting ready to rub up against his first leg. On my mark, get set, rub up!

Garfield:
My survival sounds like a job for O. D. I. E., my Operations Data Index Element. It's the smartest machine in the galaxy.

Garfield:
2,000 BC was a good year to be a cat in Egypt. We were revered, even worshipped. Ah, for the good ole days...

Garfield:
Six must be my lucky number, because that was the life when I fell in love with music. I also fell in love with the girl who played the piano just for me.

Garfield:
All that I ever was made me what I am in my eighth life. Somehow, it's fallen short of my expectations.

Creator:
[after giving Garfield and Odie nine more lives, his eyes glow green] We have to stick together, you know.

Garfield:
Giddy-up, you doggies! Time's wastin'!

Jester:
Your Majesty! Your Majestrrrrrress! For your listening pleasure this evening, it is my pleasure to present Frrrrreddy and his chamber quartet, who will play for you an orrrriginal concerto, or so we hope. Pardon - that uh, auspicious occasion. Frrrrrreddy, if you ple-ase!

Garfield:
Commander Mendelsen? Commander Mendelsen, are you there?

Mendelsen:
You have three minutes.

Garfield:
What happened to *four* minutes?

Mendelsen:
Well, I uh...

Garfield:
You *what*?

Mendelsen:
I had to go to the little - boys' room.

Garfield:
I have a surprise for you, Commander. Take this!

Narrator:
About ten million years ago, the first cat crawled out of the sea. His first word was... [Garfield breathes in heavily for several seconds] He had been holding his breath for quite some time.

Garfield:
In my first life, I formulated many of my likes and dislikes. I disliked my rock bed. On the other hand, you wouldn't believe the size of the pterodon drumsticks.

Blackbart:
[snickers] Hey, Junior - hey man, you know I have a surprise for you.

Junior:
[dashes to Blackbart happily] Ooh, goody-goody-goody! I just love surprises! Where is it, where is it?

Blackbart:
[gesturing to the door he's just put up] It's uh, through that door. [opening to door] G-g-go ahead and step through the door. I think you're gonna be surprised.

Junior:
[eagerly] Okaaaay!

Garfield:
The year is 1720. I'm the cat of the court musician to King George I. My owner's a fellow named George Frederich Handel. I sit around and watch Freddy write music for George's dinner parties. Freddy's putting the finishing touches on a fugue for a big bash tonight.

Garfield:
[seeing a stick of dynamite Blackbart tossed to the ground, then picking it up] Huh? Wonder what this is? [tossing it away] Oh well, whatever it is, it probably hasn't been invented yet. [dynamite explodes, then some smoke drifts by] Then again, what do I know?

Garfield:
[gazing in amazement at a myriad of pasta dishes on the table] Pasta! Infinite mountains of pasta!

Garfield:
[after Handel's concerto performance] After that night, they never wrote any more music. Had I stuck with it, there would have been the recording contracts, the concerts, the agents, the managers, the roadies, the groupies, it sounded like a lot of work to me.

Garfield:
You know, guys, what if we built a *cube* instead of a pyramid?

Pyramid Builders:
[grumble in disagreement]

Garfield:
Okay, okay! Big babies.

Caveman:
Good cat! Good cat!

Garfield:
Foom? Foom! [mumbles] Meow. Meow! Meow! Yow, yeow, yow...

Narrator:
In those days, the first everything was crawling up out of the sea: the first snake. [snake walks out of the pond] The first chicken. [chicken rises, then shakes itself off and walks away] Crab grass. [grass crawls away from the pond] The first real estate salesman. [salesman rises, then empties his briefcase of the water, while Garfield builds a sand castle] And then came the first girl cat.

Garfield:
Life No. 5 was short.

Cameraman:
Hey, cat, you're wanted on the set.

Garfield:
I'll be right back.

Jon:
[lamely] You called, master?

Garfield:
Ain't life great?

Jon:
I assume you would like to have lunch now.

Garfield:
Yes, and I desire a picnic on the lawn.

Jon:
You want what?

Garfield:
[pointing to his lips] Read my lips, Jon, I wanna eat outside today.

Jon:
[leaving] Very well, sir.

Garfield:
It's hard to find good help.

Garfield:
[as the pyramid builders grovel before him] Did I ever tell you I love it when you grovel? Okay, okay, enough adoration. Back to work! [cracks his whip as the builders rush back to building the pyramids]

Narrator:
[as Garfield chases a mouse] Soon, Cave Cat learned to live with his human counterparts and spent his time pretty much as cats do now. [the mouse escapes to a hole in his rock, but Garfield reaches inside. As he does, the mouse breathes fire in his face] Ahem, except for the fire breathing mice. [dissolve to black to the next scene where two cavemen are playing around] Ah, yes, those were simple times. Times when people had to entertain themselves.

Garfield:
Space. One thing to be said about space: sure is a lot of it out there. So what do you do with space? You can take part in grand intergalactic battles and encompass old solar systems. Or you can bravely forge new worlds of exploration by traveling through uncharted territory. Or you can get lost. Me? I'm lost. Finding out where the heck I am is still secondary, though. What I want to know is - why am I here?

Garfield:
[seeing a fleet of giant shark-like heads outside his spaceship] Uh-oh...

Mendelsen:
Hey, you! Kitty cat!

Garfield:
What? Who?

Mendelsen:
I am Commander Mendelsen, leader of the Incredibly Huge Galactic War Fleet, the IHGWF for short. We do not like you being here! And to show you we mean business, we will atomize your craft in 5 minutes. Any questions? I said, any questions?

Garfield:
Only answers, Mac. Here, take this! [pushes a button to unleash a giant hand with detachable claws]

Garfield:
[after he and Junior are locked in the pyramid] All dressed up and no place to go, huh, Junior? [chuckles briefly] What am I laughing about? I should be conserving oxygen. These crypts are airtight. I only have enough air to last about... let's see, this crypt is about 80 by 40, seems to be a 20 foot ceiling. [hums as he does some calculations in his head] I'll run out of air in roughly 73 years.

Jon:
How are you this morning, Garfield?

Garfield:
In a good mood. I let the mail man live.

Garfield:
[as Odie leads the other duplicate Odies to the line of Odie-looking drones] Okay Commander, brace yourself. This cat has a thing or two up his sleeve.