George Carlin: Doin' It Again

George Carlin:
Don't you think it's just a little bit strange that Ronald Reagan had an operation on his a**hole, and George Bush had an operation on his middle finger?

George Carlin:
You will not hear me say "bottom lime", "game plan", "role model", "scenario", or "hopefully". I will not "kick back", "mellow out", or "be on a roll"! I will not "go for it", and I will not "check it out". I don't even know what "it" is!

George Carlin:
Want to piss off a feminist? Call her cum-catcher, that'll get her attention.

George Carlin:
Oh, don't act disgusted! Don't act disgusted! Half of you are gonna go home and go down on each other tonight, remember? If you're willing to swallow cum, let's not make believe that something I said was disgusting!

George Carlin:
I say f*** you! I think it's hillarious, how do you like that? I can PROVE to you that rape is funny! Picture Porky Pig raping Elmer Fudd!

George Carlin:
I promise not to refer to any as a "class act", a "beautiful person", or a "happy camper"!

George Carlin:
And for those of you who "need a little space," please... GO THE F*** OUTSIDE!

George Carlin:
Did you ever meet somebody, and you go to shake the guy's hand... and you suddenly realize... he doesn't have a complete hand! And you gotta make believe it feels great! Right? You can't go "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" You can't do that! It's not even an option!